We all know someone who is a loner.
Though I suppose if they were a TRUE loner maybe nobody would know them…maybe?
In any case, we as social creatures tend to have strange reactions to such a thing.
But the important question, as always, is “how does Reddit feel about that?” Let’s find out.
1. Sometimes the weird works
My guy is a straight loner.
Like would be happy if he never saw another human again, and I’m a people person.
But we have been together 11 years.
He is my best friend. Our weird works.
I would say, “I’m not the only one yay! What about music? What music do you like? What about watching adults play minecraft? Do you like that?”
3. It doesn’t always happen
I’ve dated a couple people like this.
Usually if things go well I introduce them to my friends and the activities I enjoy.
It hasn’t always gone well, some people are alone because they can’t interact normally with the wider world.
4. Over 75 seems like a lot
I would argue how you just find friends.
I’m currently getting separated my wife has over 75 friends.
I know a lot of people but I have roughly eight friends people I trust that I can confide in and talk about my feelings with.
I know a lot of people just not as many as that I would confide in so again what counts as a friend?
5. Social anxiety
Well that’s more or less me and it’s because of my social anxiety.
I really try to be a good person and be kind but it’s just very hard for me to make friends, so it doesn’t have to be a red flag.
6. Living dangerously
I remember going on a date with a woman at a bar.
We had a couple drinks. She asked what I did and my hobbies. I just told her, I work at a grocery store full time and just play warcraft.
She never talked to me after the date. Guess I live too dangerously
7. They’re not impenetrable
That’s how I met my husband.
He still doesn’t have friends and we spend a lot of time at home together.
I can’t recall my first thought, but I know we became fast friends and did everything together before we even began dating. It’s been great!
Met someone recently who moved here during quarantine and hasn’t met people. I invited her to 2 adult classes I teach; she’s a great addition. I go for walks with another group so she joined us for that and met even more people.
Another member invited her to join zoom meetings on another topic she’s interested in. I also found out she’s volunteered at a food pantry before and wants to do so again. I just happen to do the same. She’s helping me reorganize inventory tomorrow. I’m so relieved I don’t have to do it alone. Win-win.
Be friendly. Make a friend.
9. You’re not alone, loner
I was so scared to see responses to this because I thought they would all be negative, my ex gave me endless s**t for not having other friends and spending time alone because he thought it was weird but I like it that way which I always assumed was weird/wrong soooo phew!
10. Cooking Fridays
There was one guy who came to my shared apartment for students who was from Finland. He was really socially awkward because of his anxiety and barely looked at you in the eyes when you spoke to him.
So that is why I took him with me to meet my friends and we started doing cooking fridays where we all chose a meal to prepare and really do it from scratch (also great recommendation for a first date for the 2 of you)! That way we started integrating him into our friends circle and then he started playing on the guitar and he even began singing after some time!
At the beginning we had to be careful with our wording but as he became more acquainted to us, he became cheekier and so did we! It was a great experience for all of us and we learned a lot about people with anxiety and were able to make another person happy! He then had to go back to Finland and we left happily with a hug!
11. It all depends
It really depends
Are they a loner because they enjoy their own company, or because their behavior is atrocious?
I’m a loner, and if the person seemed fine I’d not be bothered.
12. It me
I’m that person. Give them a chance, some of us have experienced depression or abuse and are this way for a reason.
Some of us are trying to have friendships but have spent so much time working and trying to survive that we put social life to the side.
Some of us just like being alone.
Some of us are looking for someone to help get us out and experience more.
We’re not bad or broken, we just have become accustomed to solitude and don’t know how to live any other way.
We don’t want your pity, but could use some compassion.
13. Missing the basic basis
If they’re anything like me, it’ll be:
Don’t drink or go to bars
Not into sport
Don’t have kids
Lives away from relatives
These things are pretty much the basis of most people’s relationships.
14. But why tho?
If that is by choice, then I respect the fact that they live just the way they want.
If that is because they want and deserve to have friends, then maybe befriend them.
If they are so horrible persons that everyone has a reason to not be their friends, then maybe stay away from them.
15. First impressions matter
It really depends on how our meeting went.
if he was nice and cordial, I would assume its a personal choice or for some reason he couldn’t make friends.
If he was arrogant I would think he is a cunt and no one wants to be with him.
If he didn’t make an impression, either answer can be right
16. There’s a learning curve
The person I am currently dating was exactly like this. I didn’t immediately enter into a relationship with him until after we’d met in person and gotten to know each other a bit more.
Introduced him to my own friend group so they could help me assess him and it turned out he just…. wasn’t a social person IRL. Nothing wrong with him outside of that.
I’m the first girlfriend he’s ever had but he’s probably the sweetest guy I’ve ever dated.
He can be a little awkward sometimes. He’s learning how to juggle different personalities and how to handle sensitive people. It’s been a learning curve but he’s getting it.
It helps that my friend group is extremely patient and supportive. He’s become good friends with a few of them and they often game together now without my having to be there.
17. Sometimes it’s a tragedy
My wife and child died few years ago.
My best friends from high school and college have died.
I don’t make new friends anymore.
I ride my bike and take care of my dog and keep to myself.
18. New in town
I’m that person.
Just moved to a new town a few months ago and there aren’t many ways to socialize here.
I’ve been staying focused on work, and have made some really big moves but d**n do I get lonely and miss my friends back home.
I would invite them over to cook some food and listen to some records or play video games.
19. The bliss betwixt the chaos
This describes me, but let me explain.
I work in a very high pressure place with lots of traffic/people and loud music. It’s usually fast paced and frantic (the owner hates people standing around), so when I get home I don’t want to be around people, I don’t want loud anything, I just want peace and quiet and play and spoil my cats.
Leave me alone and let me enjoy my 12-14 hours of bliss before I have to jump back to chaos.
20. Eh, who cares
Does this person seem to have a decent personality, and do I enjoy my time with them?
If the answers are Yes, then honestly I could care less about what they do with the rest of their free time.
21. Maybe it’s a you problem
I’ll tell you an honest story.
I dated a girl that was always home and didn’t seem to have many/any friends. I was a little put off and ended up breaking up with her.
A short time later I realized how dumb I was. She was wonderful and my original feelings were just my own insecurity issues or need for validation. We just celebrated our 15th year of marriage and have a beautiful child together.
What I’m trying to say is, if you have a problem with someone for having zero friends, then the problem might be with yourself. Take a look in, first.
22. Maybe they never learned
They may have not learned ‘appropriate’ social skills as a child, and therefore struggle in adult relationships. Give them a chance.
This was me, for many years. I overshared, had no filter, let my inner thoughts show way too much and couldn’t control my temper because this is the environment I grew up in.
I learned social skills…painfully, losing many a friend along the way. I was lucky to find a few patient friends who taught me what worked, and what didn’t.
23. A few options
One – computer geek.
Two – anxiety problems,
Three – experience with other people, turned out not so great so they shy away
Four – there are lots of people like that and they’re posting on reddit.
24. The introverts
They are probably an introvert.
I have known a lot in my life and I get on well with them, as long as there is plenty of time to gently forge a friendship (for example as co-workers)
25. We value our hobbies
My husband and I fell into this category. He spent all his time playing video games. I spent all my time at home reading and watching TV. We met because we were in the same cohort in grad school. Had we not dragged ourselves to cohort outings because it’s what you’re supposed to do while in grad school, we might not have gotten together.
We both enjoy our hobbies far more than we enjoy being out with people. Now, we do those hobbies together, or we give each other the space to do them on our own. We understand the value of alone time, recognize that when one of us needs alone time it isn’t an insult to the other person, and we also have so many things we enjoy doing together.
Sure, there are the news stories about loners. Then, there are the loners who don’t make the news but are still a**holes. But there are plenty of loners who just enjoy their own company and their own hobbies.
26. Quiet or snobbish?
It depends on the reasons why he is a loner.
If he is an introvert and prefers to spend time on his own then it’s fine.
If he implies that everyone is stupid and he can’t stand them, then my first thought would have been to run.
27. You need a hero
I met someone like this. She was either in her thirties or fifties. She lived at home, taking care of parents who I began to realize had her in emotional bondage.
I worked at a comic book store and she was timidly coming in to look at Captain America comics. She hid them at home. I befriended her as best I could and made sure I was usually working the days she was likely to come in. The dudes I worked with were super nice, really good people, but she was REALLY nervous and I (female) made her most comfortable. The dudes understood. We got her out of her shell a little; she got a pull box for new Cap comics and she got into the then-starting Winter Soldier storyline really hard.
It wasn’t a case where there were really any resources to help her, so I just made sure the shop was a brief sanctuary. I had to move out of state eventually. I hope she’s still out there, doing better and fanning over the miniseries.
I also hope her parents are dead and she inherited a boodle. I really f**king do. Wherever you are, Cap fan, know I’m still worrying about you over a decade later.
28. Careful out there
I befriended someone (let’s call her Holly) through a volunteer group and I found out that her 40th birthday was coming up and she had zero plans, because she had no friends.
I felt bad for her so I went to my group of friends and suggested we plan a ‘girls’ night’ around Holly’s birthday. One friend said “I don’t know, I’ve talked to her a few times and she seems kind of nuts” but I persisted, we moved forward, and not only was the girls’ night a success but Holly became a regular member of the group.
Fast forward about six months and this 40 year old woman was drunk at my house, hitting on my 23 year old son, cyber-stalking my married cousin and generally making my life miserable.
No good deed goes un-punished. Be careful.
29. Maybe you can be the first
Is this supposed to deter me from being their friend or something?
If they don’t have any other friends they probably are busy with work or just don’t have good social skills.
But if I’m cool with that person idk why that matters.
Like unless they don’t have friends because they like a murderer I really don’t know why I’d give a s**t.
30. Red flags
If you asked me a few years ago I would without a second thought be friends with them. I mean that’s what I always have done so what could go wrong?
Well me now? Well something did go wrong and I now know to be more careful.
I still do want to become friends but it does depend on the person and if there are red flags.
Friends in need of friends are friends indeed a…friend.
Have you known someone like this?
Tell us in the comments.