A funny tweet is just like a fine wine…
It gets better with age.
The good ones are timeless and they leave a great taste in your mouth: what else can you really ask for?
Well, these tweets may be about different subjects, but they all have one thing in common: they’re hilarious!
So sit back, kick your feet up, and enjoy these tweets that we’re pretty sure will make you laugh your a**es off!
1. That’s not a good sign.
Might be time to find a new shrink.
Flipped over my therapist's writing pad and it was just a New York Times crossword with "shut up" written in every blank.
— Mindy Furano (@MindyFurano) March 13, 2015
2. What else is there to do?
Just sit and look out the window…
My only current hobby and passion is tracking packages
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) April 8, 2020
3. Most of it has been horrible so far.
Maybe he needs to chill out for a while.
Our reality right now feels like God trying out premises at an open mic
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) June 1, 2020
4. How did that happen???
Who would’ve thought…?
Just found out my wife’s been sleeping with her sex instructor
— Bea_ker (@bea_ker) May 2, 2020
5. Just don’t even look at the news anymore.
I can assure you that it’s all gonna be BAD.
Opened the internet to read the news and said "Oh, god, sorry" and quickly closed it like I'd walked in on a naked roommate.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 14, 2020
6. That’s how it’s pronounced, right?
And that’s how it’s spelled…?
why don't you just googoo it. wook it up on googoo.
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) July 3, 2013
7. Wow! That’s fascinating!
Please, go on!
DATE: so tell me something about yourself
ME: i am older than every dog
— everett byram (@rad_milk) January 18, 2018
8. Didn’t see that coming.
But since you’re here, I’ll climb on next!
*bursts into starbucks*
Me: DO YOU GUYS HAVE A POWER OUTLET
Barista: yeah over there
Me: oh thank god
*plugs in a mechanical bull*
— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) December 29, 2015
9. Let’s stay here for a while.
After the potato skins though, things are really gonna heat up.
[kissing at a bar]
HER: wanna get out of here?
ME: (glances over at the menu and sees they have potato skins) not really
— rob elliott (@rockymomax) May 24, 2017
10. This song sounds familiar…
Ice Ice Baby! Kind of…
pull up your pants and listen
public parks are a bad spot for pissin
grabs a hold of my shoulder
under arrest for indecent exposure
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) May 12, 2020
11. Gave that coroner quite a scare.
He was asleep for THREE YEARS.
me: hey how long was I asleep
— jo (@whatsJo) May 7, 2020
12. Got a little carried away.
You’re a WEAK, old baby…
said some terrible things about a coworker's newborn when she called it a "week old baby" and I thought we were roasting it
— ceej (@ceejoyner) October 26, 2018
Those funny tweets definitely hit the spot, don’t you think?
Now we want to hear from you!
In the comments, share some funny things you’ve seen online lately: a joke, a meme, a tweet, a photo. Anything that will make us laugh.
Please and thank you!