When we’re in a relationship it can be easy to lose sight of the forest for the trees – things seem normal and acceptable because that’s how they are, and sometimes it takes the opinions of others to really see things clearly.
Finances are a point of contention in many, many relationships and are almost always something that people need to work through at some point.
This woman learned a lot about her boyfriend when he quit working toward his PhD and took a high-paying job at a hedge fund instead – and even though she’s a grad student dependent on her family for support, he still thought splitting the rent was the way to go.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over two years. We are both currently in the same city but living separately. I am graduating from college in a few weeks and am planning to start applying for graduate schools. Currently I do not have any employment nor do I plan on making any money in the next few years. Luckily my family is able to support me through graduate school and pay my expenses.
My boyfriend currently makes around $300k/ year and just received a job offer in a city across the country that would pay him over $500k/ year after bonuses. He wants me to move with him to this new city. I am fine with the idea of moving there, even though it is not my first choice of places to live. I could probably attend graduate school there.
The only issue is he wants me to pay half the rent and half of all our expenses.
Her family is willing to support her through school, but since their incomes are so different, they don’t think it’s fair that he’s asking her to split things down the middle.
This would amount to around $2500/ month. My family is capable of providing me with this money, but we are not exorbitantly wealthy so it is a lot of money for us.
My family also thinks it is really unreasonable for my boyfriend to ask me to pay these expenses when he makes enough money to support the both of us easily.
My boyfriend thinks it is completely reasonable for my family to pay these expenses for me.
Do you think what my boyfriend is asking for is reasonable or not?
Does Reddit think an even split is the way to go? Or should people split bills based on percentages of income?
Let’s find out!
The top comment says that, when people are on the same page financially, it just makes sense to live according to the lowest-earning persons’ means – or to not make them feel guilty when the other person pays more. 2
The details can be subject to personal situations, but a flat split is almost never fair.
This person pointed out that OP is unlikely to find another person who makes what he makes, so this is something he’s going to have to figure out going forward.
This commenter thinks that OP did a great job seeing and reacting to some red flags that could extend beyond finances.
It really should be this simple.
Her update says that she decided their divergent views on finances made them incompatible and that they would be better apart – may we all be so mature when it comes to relationships.
Thanks for all the replies everyone. The one thing I left out of the original post is that I already decided prior to making the post that I was not going to stay with my bf because it was obvious our views on finances were simply incompatible. I also know my worth and know that I can find someone who treats me a lot better.
I was curious to see what others thought, and I am pleased that most of you have validated my feelings.
After I told my bf that I was breaking up with him, he completely changed his tune and said that he did not want me to pay expenses and that he would actually pay me a monthly allowance to live with him. By that point it was too late to fix things, however, and I decided that we should go our separate ways.
I think it would have been hard for me to walk away after he changed his mind, but he was definitely in the wrong to start with.
How about you? Would you have balked? Would you have left him? Let us know what you’re thinking down in the comments!