When you decide the tie the knot with that special someone, the rest of your life will be like a fairytale. Like a dream come true. With no problems whatsoever…right?
Let’s get serious, people!
All of the above was total BS and if you didn’t pick up on that…well, maybe you just haven’t taken the plunge into marriage yet.
Because even though you are (hopefully) marrying the person of your dreams, they’re gonna get on your nerves. And they’re gonna drive you crazy. And you might even lose your sh*t from time to time when they sneeze too much (see Item #1 below).
But you gotta laugh about all of it or else you’re in for a long, tough road.
So let’s enjoy these tweets about marriage together!
1. Enough with the sneezes!
He’s really pushing it…
Marriage year 1: Your sneezes are so cute.
Marriage year 10: For the love of God! I hope your head explodes.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 22, 2020
2. What am I looking at here?
Romance is definitely NOT dead.
Sent my husband nudes and he asked me which mole I was worried about.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 23, 2020
3. Not a fan of your fashion choices.
And she’s not shy about it!
Wife: That's a new shirt.
Me: It was on sale.
Wife: Was it free?
Me: No.
Wife: You paid too much.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2020
4. That wasn’t very nice.
But it was honest…
overheard my wife telling old friends from high school that we’ve been married for 18yrs, and when they asked “what’s ur secret,” my wife said “low standards” wtf
— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) July 19, 2020
5. Keeping the flame burning!
What a guy!
My husband popped in from work and surprised me. After whispering a sexy suggestion to him he whispered back, “I was just in the area and I really gotta poop.”
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) July 25, 2020
6. Don’t even think about it, buddy.
Keep driving if you know what’s good for you.
me: *glances at wife optimistically*
wife: just drive pic.twitter.com/fiCyVN5Ueb— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) July 17, 2020
7. Oh good, he’s still alive.
True love. This is it.
Me and my husband have been married for over 11yrs. I know it's true love because starting at 5am his alarm goes off like 4 times every single day, and he's still alive.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 25, 2020
8. No, not like that!
She just went way over the line.
[during sex]
Me: hurt me
Wife: I call my dad when you leave the house to ask him how to fix your renovation mistakes.
Me: wait-
Wife: I secretly hired a landscaping company to take care of the grass because your lawn care skills are severely lacking.
— Royotathon 🚘 (@Royotathon) June 21, 2020
9. Whoops. My fault…
Sorry about that.
Just found a black thong tucked inside my bedsheets that I knew didn’t belong to me so I called my husband over to ask wth that is. So anyway funny story… turns out a thong looks a lot like a face mask.
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) July 17, 2020
10. It’s time to end this thing.
You gotta do what you gotta do.
My husband brought home unfrosted Pop-Tarts and now I have to file for divorce. We had a good run.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 13, 2020
11. This is the only way it works.
There’s no escape from it…
There are two kinds of people. The ones that pack six days before a trip, and the ones that wake up day-of and realize they need to do a load of laundry. And they marry each other.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 12, 2020
12. Just keep repeating yourself.
Over and over and over and over…
80% of marriage is repeating yourself.
I SAID 80% OF MARRIAGE IS REPEATING YOURSELF.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 2, 2020
13. Are you even listening to me?
Yeah, sounds great…
My daughter asked me what marriage was like and I nodded and said that sounded great. Then she asked me if I was even listening.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 7, 2020
Now we want to hear from you.
In the comments, tell us something funny or infuriating that your spouse has done lately.
Please and thank you!
