I’m gonna make a statement right now and I want you to tell me if this accurately sums up your life…
You and your spouse NEVER fight, you NEVER have disagreements, and every single day is perfect.
I’ll give you a minute…
Okay, now that you’ve stopped laughing hysterically, I want you to enjoy these funny tweets about marriage.
Go ahead and get started!
1. This IS lunch.
Isn’t this romantic?
Husband: I thought you said you’re taking me out to lunch today?
Me: *gestures to the Costco sample table* Lunch is served.
— Jawbreaker ❤️ (@sixfootcandy) January 7, 2022
2. Don’t answer that.
I knew this was coming…
10: Dad, what’s the opposite of “discombobulated?”
Me, yelling from the kitchen: You don’t know, do NOT say “combobulated!”
— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) January 5, 2022
3. I bet she didn’t like this…
Your job is to annoy her.
My wife: did you find Lexi (dog).
Me: I’m bringin’ Lexy back.
— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) January 5, 2022
4. That’s one of the bonuses.
You’re a mindreader now.
The thing no one told me is that once you get married, you suddenly develop telepathy. For example, my husband just now told me at the grocery store “come save me from this conversation with this person I don’t quite remember and I can’t pretend anymore.”
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 9, 2022
5. Something to think about…
Might not be worth it…
My wife just yelled at me for not warning her that I was going to sneeze if any of you are thinking of getting into a relationship.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 7, 2022
6. You nailed it!
me (gesturing at my feet): what do you think?
my wife: those are the ugliest shoes I’ve ever seen
me: I know—I love them!
— lucy bexley? No Strings is out now! (@bexley_lucy) December 29, 2021
7. Join the club.
i was putting my 3 year old to bed last night and she was like “mommy can I see your boobs?” and I was like what why honey and she said “cause I haven’t seen them in a very long time!!!” and from outside the door I heard my husband mutter “join the club”
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) December 29, 2021
8. Not even close.
Nice try, though.
Me: new year
Wife: new you?
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) January 1, 2022
9. Why aren’t you asking me more questions?
He’s really blowing it.
My husband does this annoying thing where he doesn’t continue probing me after I tell him I’M FINE
— Tracie Breaux (@traciebreaux) January 6, 2022
10. Didn’t know you had it in you.
Congrats to you!
I couldn’t sleep last night because my husband was breathing too quietly.
I think I’ve unlocked a new level of marriage.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 7, 2022
How’s your marriage going?
Tell us some funny and crazy stories in the comments!
Thanks a lot, friends!