The cool thing about getting older is pretty much none of the things. But since we all live in the time dimension there’s not a lot you can do to avoid it.
That being the case, we can cope with our aging dreads through the most healthy of psychological mechanisms – tweets.
Tweets about climbing that hill. Tweets about taking a break on that hill. Tweets about deciding hills are stupid and taking a nap.
Enjoy your pre-nap ageing jokes, grandpa.
10. Looking up
Sorta like how my mom will always be taller than me in my mind, even though I passed her like 15 years ago.
I’m almost 44 yrs old, but I’ll still watch an episode of Friends from 1994 and still think those 20-somethings are older than me.
— redyellowgreendance (@RYGdance) August 14, 2020
9. Constant contact
Weirdly, the thing I’m supposed to be doing right now is literally reading and commenting on this tweet.
adulting is having something to do all the time. like even as you are reading this you know there’s something you have to do but are you doing it? no. will it make you panic later? yes.
— nirzu (@nirzary) September 8, 2020
8. The wiping arm
You’re gonna find all kinds of fun new problems you’d never anticipated.
Getting older is fun. I slept weird on the shoulder of my wiping arm and now I have to shower after I poop.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) August 28, 2020
7. Stay firm
Gotta make sure I don’t get ripped off, these things are gonna see a lot of mileage.
One minute you’re young and carefree and another you’re reading non slip sock reviews on Amazon.
— VodkaAndStringCheese (@VodkaAndCheeze) February 5, 2020
6. Stick your neck out
You think you’re the only one around here who can poop and cry?
being an adult is bullshit, babies get praised for being able to hold their heads up on their own like bravo your neck works stupid baby
— Crockett? (@CrockettForReal) September 1, 2020
5. Take me out
This is an attack on me personally and I don’t appreciate it.
You’re 30s consist of ignoring your body’s check engine light while self medicating with alcohol and take-out
— 30andTired (@30andTired) September 23, 2020
4. Tummy time
It goes great with any meal!
just crushing up these tums to sprinkle on my pizza like parmesan cheese. looking forward to my forties
— Indy ? (@IndecisiveJones) August 25, 2020
3. Home-owner alone
Hey guys, wanna feel old?
— Macaulay Culkin (@IncredibleCulk) August 26, 2020
2. Getting ghosted
WHY oh WHY is the switch at the BOTTOM of the STAIRS?
By the age of 30, you should:
– know that ghosts don't actually live in your basement
– have become extremely good at running up the stairs once you shut the lights off so that the ghost in your basement doesn't get you
— Roxi Horror ?? (@roxiqt) November 25, 2018
1. Reach for the stars
Wait how did you get a read on Thanos’ age?
Voldemort didn't try to kill Harry Potter until he was 55
Darth Vader was nearly 40 when he built the Death Star
Hannibal was 52 when he escaped from captivity
Thanos was over 65 when he collected the infinity gems
Annie Wilkes was 44 when she found Paul
It's never too late ❤️
— Dea Poirier (@deapoirierbooks) October 17, 2019
Personally, my retirement plan is holding out for someone to invent a Benjamin Button serum. That’s coming, right?
What’s the weirdest thing about getting older in your opinion?
Tell us in the comments.