Actress Reese Witherspoon once said about her parenting experience,
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”
Of course, most of us aren’t going to award shows all the time, but I think the sentiment holds for just about everybody. Having kids is a trip, and definitely keeps you in the moment. You can’t help but return to earth when your existence is centered around making sure a new human being gets what they need to survive in this world.
You know who else had witty thoughts about being a parent? The people of Twitter.
12. Cut the red wire
It’s a tough job but somebody’s gotta do it.
Parenting is like hostage negotiation, but as the parent you're somehow simultaneously the negotiator, the hostage, and the guy who brings in the pizza when everyone gets hungry.
— Summer Break Dad (@DadisGrumpy) January 12, 2021
11. A perfect memory
When you’re a kid and someone swears in media you’re allowed to consume, that gets INSTANTLY filed away.
9yo: sometimes it’s ok to swear
9yo: like when Mrs Weasley uses the b-word in the last Harry Potter book
9yo: but it wasn’t ok when Aunt Marge used it in the third book
Me: do you have a catalogue in your brain of all the times bitch was said in Harry Potter
9yo: … yes
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) January 5, 2021
10. Life sucks and then…
Is this kid perchance living in the 1850’s?
Son: how old are you Mommy
Me: I’m 39
Son: then you’ll be 40
Son: then 41
Son: then you die
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) January 3, 2021
9. Let it really go
Nah, the kids won’t know how to operate it.
My husband wants to install surround sound because apparently what our family really needs is to hear Let it Go with 360 audio.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 11, 2021
8. Keep your cool
Or face the wrath of dad.
Can’t. Doing hot middle aged dad shit*.
*guarding the thermostat because I AM NOT MADE OF MONEY
— ADHDean (@ADHDeanASL) January 12, 2021
7. Boost your signal
Are we ready to admit that internet is a necessary utility and not a luxury now?
Never thought my kid’s ability to pass the 4th grade would depend on the strength of our WiFi.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 12, 2021
6. Just checking in
Ignore his screams, the screams are lies.
So the neighbours can text you “Is everyone alright?” because you’re trying to rinse your son’s hair in what he believes is battery acid
— kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) January 11, 2021
5. That’ll show em
It backfires when you realize they don’t notice.
Have you tried teaching your family a lesson by not turning the laundry right side in before folding it? Highly recommend, so liberating.
— Gila Pfeffer (@Gilapfeffer) January 4, 2021
4. Gotta take this
To a kid, everything but a phone is a phone.
When your toddler puts the chicken nugget to your ear and says "hi," that's a call you have to take.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) January 11, 2021
3. Wax on, wax off
It’s hard out there.
My son quit karate after 2 minutes of painting the fence.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 11, 2021
2. Share and share alike
Do as I say, not as I do.
“Share your toys!” I scream as I discretely eat a candy bar in the pantry so my kids won’t ask me to share
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 13, 2021
1. The biggest challenge
Dang, dude, too real.
The biggest parenting challenge you ever face is raising the “you” out of your kids
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) January 13, 2021
Best of luck to all the parents out there, it certainly ain’t easy.
What’s parenting like in your experience?
Tell us in the comments.