Oh, married life.
Every day is an amazing adventure filled with love and passion.
And every day you fall in love all over again.
Okay, whatever you say…
I don’t think so, friends. Especially right now, when everyone is stuck at home with their loved ones all day and all night.
These married folks took to Twitter to make some keen and hilarious observations about their spouses and I think you’re gonna laugh…and then maybe cry because they look so familiar.
Let’s take a look!
1. I’m the villain?
Working on those lines of communication.
I thought clear communication was important in a marriage. Yet somehow, saying "Yep, you told me that 214 times already" makes ME the villain.
— Aunt Chelle 🏳️🌈☕️😷 (@ravenswng_) May 14, 2020
2. Can we go outside yet?
This isn’t going so well…
I just asked my husband what he’s up to today and he responded “none of your business” so quarantine is going well
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) May 16, 2020
3. Whatever you say, man…
Funny how that works, isn’t it?
My husband hasn’t turned his TV off in 2 months but he’s gonna gripe at me for not turning out a light when I leave the room, yeah okay.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) May 15, 2020
4. It’s gone. FOREVER.
She’s had enough of that.
Wife [in fridge]: Do you know where the turkey bacon went?
Me: No idea. [garbage disposal noises]
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 16, 2020
5. That is TERRIBLE.
You might need to look into a divorce.
Listen: I just found out that my husband eats spaghetti with a spoon so I can’t listen to your problems right now.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) May 15, 2020
6. And then you felt ashamed…
Because you know it’s true!
Don’t worry I’m used to having a meat shortage, my wife said hilariously
— Swim Jeans 👖 (@ShortSleeveSuit) May 7, 2020
7. Over and over and over again.
Isn’t this great?!?!
A big part of marriage is asking your wife "Is this recyclable?"
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) May 12, 2020
8. It’s called REVENGE.
And it is oh, so sweet.
[wife hands me present]
me: aww what's this for
wife: just because
me: [opens present, swarm of murder hornets come out]
wife: BECAUSE U DIDN'T TAKE OUT THE TRASH— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) May 12, 2020
9. You need to end this immediately.
He crossed the line. No doubt about it.
My husband just said, "Okey dokey, Artichokey," and now I'm wondering if anyone can recommend a good divorce lawyer.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) May 9, 2020
10. The third one was very emotional for him.
Here come the waterworks.
Times I’ve seen my husband cry:
1. Our wedding
2. The birth of our children
3. The time I mowed the grass too short— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 15, 2020
11. You’re doing it wrong!
Man, what an idiot!
Marriage is having separate tubes of toothpaste because your spouse squeezes it wrong
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 5, 2020
12. You can leave now.
You might as well just disappear.
My wife managed to open a jar of pickles herself and I am now nonessential.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) May 6, 2020
13. It was TERRIFYING.
We feel for you!
Me: I just killed a HUGE spider!
Husband: It was actually a
piece of yarn.Me: A huge, scary piece of yarn.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) May 13, 2020
Hey o! A lot of zingers in there!
Funny stuff!
Okay, now we want to hear from all of you out there.
In the comments, please share something hilarious or infuriating that your spouse has done lately.
Let’s hear all the good stuff!
