My grandfather is one of those guys who knows absolutely everything there is to know about cars.

My dad, in turn, knows an awful lot about cars, but certainly not everything.

I, for my part, know absolutely nothing about cars.

Following this pattern, if I ever have a son I should expect that it will loop back around and he will know everything about them and be able to help me when the weird noises happen.

But not knowing anything about normal cars, you can imagine my horror and confusion upon seeing these things out on the street. What are they? What do they want with me? Why do they exist?

15. Limo…tractor?

I could stare at this for a thousand lifetimes and come no closer to enlightenment.

14. It’s an antique

Well there’s your problem right there.

13. Totally exhausted

I expect this thing to star blasting out Phantom of the Opera on the road.

12. Muppet car

Fozzy, is that you? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BOY?

11. Big guy

It’s kind of…cute?

10. Neon machine

Why does this look like a prize from a Nickelodeon show?

9. In tow

It’s a full blown caravan.

8. Spotted in the wild

This is straight out of an early 2000’s romcom.

7. Shamu

He’s finally free!

6. This bugs me

How are you gonna take a cop seriously when they pull you over in this.

5. Plaid and proud

Somebody forgot to unwrap their present.

4. Armed and dangerous

Now that’s what I call a muscle car.

3. Low rider

Well…low, anyway.

2. Can we do it?

Yes, but we shouldn’t.

1. Spoiler alert

Is that like…a solar panel or something?

I’ve never understood cars or car people less than I do in this moment.

If you could make any modification to your car, what would it be?

Tell us in the comments.