Relationships definitely aren’t for everyone…
And I’ve definitely realized that as I’ve gotten older.
And today we’re gonna hear from a bunch of folks who admitted WHY they’re not in a relationship.
Let’s take a look.
1. They don’t love themselves.
I’ve actually come up with excuses when I was invited to go out for a drink with a woman I find hugely attractive just because I don’t think I’m a worthwhile person. Which is a really weird thing to think if you stop for a minute, because she wouldn’t be inviting me if she actually thought that.
We’ll be spending a lot of time together this weekend though, so maybe things will finally change.
2. They’re trying to break the cycle.
Because the patterns of behaviour I learned when young aren’t conducive to a healthy relationship.
And at the moment I’m single because I’m focused on healing and letting go of old patterns of behaviour.
3. Some people love those.
I’m on the menu, but no one wants to take a bite. I am a gas station hotdog.
4. As simple as that.
It’s a peaceful life.
I found peace and comfort in being a single. There’s more pros than cons of living by my own. Anyway, I am not planning to have family (children), and never did so what’s the point to be in relationship?
5. They’re a homebody.
Because I rarely go out to meet new people. And even when I do, I feel too anxious to even talk to strangers.
6. They’re comfortable.
I’m so comfortable in my singleness, I do not want to disrupt the peace by adding another person.
Edit: have to make a clarification, peace may have been the wrong word more like “full”. I have a pretty fulfilling life with my friends and family and adding another person to share that time seems like I would have to reorganize my time and I really don’t want to do that currently.
7. Therapy is in order.
My attachment style needs some work. I end up losing my sense of self in pursuit of relationship happiness, counter-intuitively.
All my past relationships have had an unbalanced level of attachment/perceived attachment on one side—either I’m more attached and miserable or she’s more attached and I’m not caring, making her miserable.
There are more underlying issues but hoping to work it out and eventually find a better match.
8. You have to make a move.
One of the hardest parts of effective dating is that learning the dating game is an iterative process.
It is one of those things in life – like ballroom dancing – that you have to push through the “I suck” part in order to get to the “I got this” part.
Best advice I got was “You already have her ‘no’. Work on perfecting how to get a ‘yes’. ”
And just to be clear: this doesn’t mean badgering people. It means going out there & playing the dating game with an open mind and a free spirit until you get the hang of it. Be kind, agreeable, and start collecting those rejections until you start earning those interests.
9. There’s a lot to learn.
Because I realized there’s a lot about myself I need to work on and while I want to be with someone I feel like i need to reach the best/ideal version of myself.
Gotta learn to really love myself before I try to love someone else if that makes sense.
10. They’re grieving.
My last partner, fiance passed away suddenly, 37 years old. Years later I struggle to find good relationships so I’ve just given up 🙁
I’m OK, I plod on in the hope that better things happen, I know there are people far worse off than myself too. My thoughts and best wishes go out to anyone who’s lost a partner too. Thanks again, much love to everyone.
11. They’re bogged down in their own issues.
It really sucks to date when you’re bogged down in your own issues.
For example, when I was younger, I was really depressed and I sought out some kind of person to be with because I didn’t see value in myself unless someone else was in love with me. I felt that if I wasn’t in a relationship, that no one loved me and thus I wasn’t worthy of love. So I got in some pretty terrible relationships with terrible people. I got used a lot. But I stuck it out for way longer than I should have because I placed so much of my self worth on being loved.
After getting out of one particularly terrible relationship, I fell into a really deep hole mentally. It was the worst I’ve ever felt. After that, I really focused in on trying to get better. I saw therapists, I got on meds, I got to fixing my other issues. And most importantly, I stopped caring about dating. I put myself off the market until I felt like I was in a good place.
And you know what? When I finally was in a good place and was just doing what I wanted to do with my life, I ran into someone who I really clicked with. I only found my person once I stopped caring about finding a person and just focused on being the best version of myself I could be. Now it’s 2 years later and we’re engaged.
That was a bit rambling, but I think you get what I’m going for here. This is a great attitude to have. You can’t love someone else if you aren’t in a good place yourself. When you work on yourself and get to a good place and just live your life for yourself, you’ll bump into someone.
12. They’re happy with one.
I lost my husband last year. I’ve had my soul mate. No one else could ever love me as much as he did. I’d rather be happy in the afterglow of love.
I think it just might hold me ’til death us do reunite.
13. They’re fine the way they are.
Also, I’m not saying I want to be single forever but at the moment, I’m not looking for it ’cause I don’t really need a relationship right now. I like alone time. Also, I’m moving out of my parents house soon and I don’t need to have them replaced by someone else walking in my way all the time haha… Sure, the other doesn’t have to move in right away but it would still be someone that’s in your life all the time and I just really want to be on my own for a while, you know? With my only obligation being my job and I can do whatever I feel like at all times outside of that.
The only downside to this is that my friends and family are giving me shit for it, as if it’s a failure even though it doesn’t feel that way at all to me. I genuinely think I’m happier this way for now.
14. Anxiety is a beast.
Because I stress about many things.
15. Gotta find the right one.
“At the moment, I haven’t found the right person.
And the person that I saw as the “right person” fell in love with someone else…”
16. This doesn’t sound good…
“I don’t understand people very well so I don’t try to find anyone. It often feels like everyone else had a few extra days in school to learn a new language and I just missed it all.
I’m not sure if one day I’ll figure it out but at this point it doesn’t seem likely I’ll spontaneously develop and understanding of human emotion and communication.”
17. What you want.
“I was with someone for 9 years had a kid and after that it all sort of went to s**t. Started using the kid to try and hurt me (usual story).
But I was happy. Got back together with my first ever girlfriend the great love of my life. She did have a lot of issues and sadly took her own life. Just kind of want to stay single now.”
“Because I have no idea how to meet people.
If the perfect person were to fall out of the sky in front of me? I’m in.”
19. My own place.
“I have been single and living alone for 10 years now.
I like that I can come home to an empty house and have my own place that I could be completely alone and not have to deal with anybody.
I’m kind of set in my own ways now and I feel like I would really struggle having to share my time with somebody else and someone else’s schedule.”
20. Better off.
“Four years as a single dad now and I couldn’t be happier with my life.
The single part sucks but looking back I like the person I am now much better than the person I was.”
21. There’s still time.
“Just never happened tbh. (24, never have had a girlfriend).
I don’t have problems forming a connection and a bond with women, but I do think I may spend too much time just enjoying the feeling of a genuine friendship that I kinda forget to make a move and they end up either finding someone else or assuming I’m not interested.
That and everyone just wants to blast through everything so quickly nowadays, like at times it feels like if you aren’t DTF or have made a proper “move” by the end of the week then it’s over, even when you have just met the person. It’s obnoxious.”
22. Some good advice.
“I’m not single anymore, but I was for a very long time, nearly a decade.
It was mostly due to my looks and my awkwardness (funny how looks and social skills usually go hand in hand). Not saying I didn’t clean up or have good hygiene. I have a good job, wear good clothes, shower, exercise, etc. I’m just ugly, pale, and overweight.
Regardless, one piece of advice I can give to anyone in that situation. Don’t settle, no matter how desperate you are, don’t settle. I could have waited longer and got even more in shape, acquired even more money, worked towards an even better job, but I was lonely and got into a LTR with my current wife and we h**e each other about 50% of the time.
She was just as lonely and desperate as I was, but I was blinded by my own ignorance to see the signs. Two depressed people or two people with no social skills whatsoever are not a good combo.
We have no friends because we can’t talk to people, we have nothing in common, and any trip / vacation we go on is simply miserable because we fight the entire time. I would love to end things, but we have fallen into this loser co-dependency situation. She’s dependent on me financially and I’m dependent on her for companionship.
I’m really not looking forward to the future and I would highly recommend you make sure the next person you find is someone that can help you be better. Not someone that will help drag you down further or keep you where you are. I wish the best of luck to anyone looking and Godspeed to you all.”
23. A rough one.
“Because we were about to get married, but she decided she wasn’t certain enough, and wanted to try being with other guys first.”
24. Why not?
“Because why not?
Why do we place a lot more value on romantic relationships than with platonic friendships?”
25. Happy with life.
“I like living alone and I don’t feel the need for companionship, romance, or s**.
I have friends that I can socialize with and I really can’t find a reason to get a girlfriend because I really just don’t have the desire to.
I’m happy with how my life is and don’t want to change it right now.”
26. No more of that.
“I ignored the red flags as a young woman; married a hyper-critical, lying and cheating douchebag.
Now divorced and loving not getting cut down on a daily basis.
I may be lonely but love not having to put up with him!!”
27. Maybe time for therapy.
Self-sabotaging tendencies when things are going too smooth.
I’m 100% considering putting this in my dating apps.
Maybe another dismissive avoidant attachment style person will see it and we change chill without depending on each other.
28. They’re working on themselves.
I don’t think I’m in a position to add to someone’s life as of this moment. I’d like to address a few things in my life before looking for someone to attach it to.
Some people start doing this and find that they really don’t even need a relationship. They start finding that they can fulfill a lot of their own needs just fine without.
My former ideas of what I was taught I should like and what I actually like are different. Boundaries were never taught to me growing up and at nearly 40 years old I am having to undo and reconstruct a lot of things. It is very difficult to even consider what a relationship could be like at this point.
I don’t have the bandwidth for it and that is enough for me to not try and mess anyone else up if I feel lonely (which passes like a mood or emotion.)
29. They want to be themselves.
I love myself. I love my hobbies, I’m kind of content with the way I look, I can have normal conversations, I love my own world views and my own interests.
I just realize most of them don’t fit into a “””normal””” social environment. It’s enough for friends that can come and go, and I’m fine for those few hours I’m among people, but I don’t want to keep up an act around a person I potentially want to live with.
30. They feel unsure.
I don’t know how to date. I don’t know where to look, how to talk, what to do. Each time I like someone and I tell them I end up being so awkward and butcher the whole thing and regret putting myself in that vulnerable position.
Right now I’m just trying to start up therapy and hopefully I can go from there.
Now we want to hear from you.
Tell us why you’re still single in the comments.
We’d love to hear from you!