As you know, tweets are a dime a dozen.
People get on Twitter to complain, post selfies, and generally annoy everyone on Earth.
And that’s why you have to rely on US to give YOU the funny tweets so you don’t waste all kinds of time sorting through the hot garbage.
Hey, it’s a hard job, but someone’s got to do it.
Ready for some funny tweets that definitely ARE NOT hot garbage?
Let’s take a look!
1. I think that was enough socializing.
Let’s do it again sometime next year, okay?
[5 PM]: Come in. Thanks for coming over.
[6 PM]: I’m so happy we were able to get together.
[7 PM]: This is so much fun.
[8 PM]: We should do this again.
[9 PM]: I’m going to need you to get the fuck out of my house now.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 2, 2020
2. You really overdid it that time.
Who was babysitting who here?
https://twitter.com/RachelWenitsky/status/1213443343994277888?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1213443343994277888%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fpizzabottle.com%2F103889-just-25-of-the-funniest-tweets-by-women-this-week-1-5-20%2F
3. And you’ll be mowing your lawn three times a week.
You’re one of them now…
The suburbs are powerful. No matter how strong you think you are, by day two you’re eating dinner at 4 and asking what the weather’s looking like tomorrow
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) December 30, 2019
4. That’s a good point.
I relate to that, too!
i relate to wikipedia’s ethos of being a useful resource while also constantly pleading for help
— al (@local__celeb) January 2, 2020
5. Do they see me yet?
You might need to poke your head out a little bit more than that.
me waiting for my crush to notice me pic.twitter.com/3OtFVmZ1B8
— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) December 31, 2019
6. This is so accurate.
I actually went to one in Atlanta!
every city has a bar named “the library” and everyone inside looks like this pic.twitter.com/lq4QKgZ9I3
— ava 🇵🇸 (@wownicebuttdude) January 2, 2020
7. Yeah, that can be counterproductive.
And a little bit distracting…
sucks that the machine I use to write also has a function where you can shop for a new duvet cover for 3 hours
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) December 29, 2019
8. This is the peak of human civilization.
It’ll be all downhill from here.
https://twitter.com/skywaIkersoIos/status/1212869202211745794?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1212869202211745794%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fpizzabottle.com%2F103889-just-25-of-the-funniest-tweets-by-women-this-week-1-5-20%2F2%2F
9. You like order, do you?
Well, everyone has their own thing?
am i only one with a pinterest full of different examples of people standing in lines correctly
— Aparna Nancherla 🇵🇸 (@aparnapkin) December 29, 2019
10. I think you’re on to something here…
Let’s see if it catches on.
https://twitter.com/bimadew/status/1212552349375483904?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1212552349375483904%7Ctwgr%5E%7Ctwcon%5Es1_&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fpizzabottle.com%2F103889-just-25-of-the-funniest-tweets-by-women-this-week-1-5-20%2F2%2F
11. I never noticed that before.
But you’re right, this does need to be discussed more.
we don’t talk about the fact that c3po essentially wears a crop top nearly enough as we should pic.twitter.com/pwbNdyZ3iZ
— Emma Bolden (@emmabo) January 1, 2020
12. Don’t do it!
Everything was going so well…
[putting a bra on for the first time in 2 weeks]
my boobs: please my lady don’t put us back in jail
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) January 2, 2020
That’s the good stuff!
And now it’s your turn to entertain us.
In the comments, please share some funny memes that you’ve enjoyed lately.
We can’t wait to see what you come up with!
