A lot of us go into movies with high expectations, or at least, we’re hoping to enjoy it and not have a story to tell about how bad it was afterward. Right?
The truth is that not all movies are good, though – in fact, most of them aren’t. So, how can you tell within a few minutes whether or not you’ve signed up for torture?
These people have some ideas.
1. Some people have all the taste.
The simple act of me wanting to watch it pretty much makes it a bad movie. I’m like a moth to flame with bad flicks.
Unfortunately my husband also argues with me over what a good movie is. He is notorious for liking complete s*%t movies.
Everyone in a room will agree its bad and he will think its amazing and that we are being overly critical.
Or if its just me and him he will try to prove me wrong by putting up review sites.
He is always wrong. A lot of his favorite movies are 10 or less on rotten tomatoes.
Poor guy.
2. A short but accurate list.
When it is 10 mins in and you have said “What the f**k ?” under your breath 5 or more times.
When the opening credits tell you a really interesting story.
When the opening scene involves a shoot out with so many cuts you literally cannot see what is happening, or who is shooting at whom.
When the narrator sounds bored.
3. They need to make up their budget.
The near-constant advertising. Usually the exact same spot played before every video on YouTube.
Often, they’ll feature an actor way more famous than the cast, with a minor cameo, front and center on the poster.
4. They’re probably trying their best.
If it opens with a narration starting with, “I know what you’re thinking…”
It just screams desperation from a crowded writer’s room.
5. This is a very particular gripe.
They said the word family 20 times in 15 minutes and it’s not a movie about a mob family.
6. It almost never works.
When they try adding a irl trend in the movie, it’s just cringe
even worse is when they try forcing memes into it.
It’s either cringe, or so outdated that it just looks stupid
7. This might not work for everyone.
If my mom called to recommend it to me.
I swear to god my grandma once came to tell me about this incredibly funny movie she saw on TV called Jack and Jill.
8. A classic tell tale sign.
“Get ready to see ____ back in action in the big screen!”
This line is used in many bad movie trailers of old properties which are made into movies.
9. There’s always room for one more.
When one villain wasn’t enough to make a movie, so they shoehorn in multiple half-arse villains instead.
Unless we get 6 prior movies focusing on each villain, we’re never getting a good sinister six movie and that’s very saddening
10. Hallmark thinks this is a winning opener.
The preview shows a girl who’s Just Too Focused On Career to find love going back to her small hometown for whatever reason.
And she has a boyfriend but is having a hard time connecting with him. Her mom calls her and persuades her to visit and come home.
Hijinks ensue when she meets her male friend from her childhood who works at her parents country style business. Also her diverse gang of friends from the big city come down to rescue her from various awkward situations.
11. A watershed moment, to be sure.
Remember when they first revealed Sonic?
That.
Still can’t believe that the internet bullied a whole production company into making a better Sonic design.
12. Give me the action, please.
Starts with a ridiculous amount of exposition.
Or the opposite:
“Somehow Palpatine Returned”
13. What have you done for me lately?
if it’s from the studio that brought you, “insert decent movie here ”
Especially if it’s an old movie. Dreamworks still milks Shrek.
14. That’s an easy one.
It’s directed by Uwe Boll.
It’s always a good sign when a director starts challenging all of their critics to boxing matches.
15. No spoilers, please.
When I can tell how it’s going to end by just watching the trailer.
16. Trust your audience.
If the character points out something that is blatantly obvious.
IN A WORLD, WHERE ONE MAN, HAS TO SAVE THE WORLD
Man: I have to save the world.
17. So many fall victim to this.
Showing what is obviously the best part/climax in the trailer. If it isn’t strong enough to catch my interest with the lead-up, it’s likely gonna suck.
sometimes good movies do this too & its frustrating. why not save the best for (presumably) paying customers. i miss old trailers that used to be more vague and not give away the full experience
18. Every time.
A huge robot rises from a national monument while tectonic plates shift and crack, dragging millions to their doom.
White male protagonist: “Duh, that’s not good.”
Black male co-star: “Awww hell naw!”
19. Yeah, these could go away.
Source content is it’s own thing, but the movie decides to ‘bring it into the real world’. It’s lazy and totally misses the point of why people like it.
eg. He-Man, Beastmaster 2, Smurfs, Garfield, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Garbage Pail Kids, etc.
20. Stop trying to convince us.
has too many of what unknown critics say on the movie poster or trailer
Or the quote on the poster is like, “it’s…great” there’s an entire paragraph bashing the movie cut out in-between those two words
21. That’s called an info dump, and yeah.
An exposition in which one character explains everything that’s going on to another character that should already know what is going on.
“Look I know we had a 40 minute drive to get here and I didn’t say shit, but I’m going to let you in on the plan 20 seconds before we go shootin up this place”
22. Those are cherry-picked words, my friends.
When the commercials all have one or two word reviews.
And the reviews are from people ypu’ve never heard of.
“Feast for the Senses” – William Albertson of the Topeka Star Tribune Weekend Film Magazine (Online Edition)
23. No exceptions.
It’s an edgy reboot of a children’s property that stopped being relevant a decade ago.
I’m tired of gritty reboots. When will it be time for cheery rethinks?
24. You could just buy the soundtrack.
When they hype the movies soundtrack more than the film it’s self
Ex. Suicide squad
Let’s face it… Once DC saw how well Guardians of the Galaxy did they pivoted HARD and said “Let’s make ours like that one” and instantly the songs came flooding in (among other things).
I still wish I could find the original grimdark gritty trailer they released before the Bohemian Rhapsody one.
25. Cringe.
Directing credit goes to “Alan Smithee”
Alan Smithee (also Allen Smithee) is an official pseudonym used by film directors who wish to disown a project.
…
In 1998, the film An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn was released, in which a man named Alan Smithee (Eric Idle) wishes to disavow a film he has directed, but is unable to do so because the only pseudonym he is permitted to use is his own name. The film was directed by Arthur Hiller, who reported to the DGA that producer Joe Eszterhas had interfered with his creative control, and successfully removed his own name from the film, so Alan Smithee was credited instead.
The film was a commercial and critical failure, released in only 19 theaters, grossing only $45,779 in the United States with a budget of about $10 million, and Rotten Tomatoes reports an aggregate critical rating of only 8% positive. The movie also won five Golden Raspberry Awards, including Worst Picture, at that year’s event.
26. They’re not racing to enter the Oscars.
If it’s being released in January. That isn’t the case every time, just most of the time.
For whatever reason, January is basically the cinematic dumping ground month.
27. What can you do but laugh?
When the movie was supposed to be a drama and they changed it during filming to a comedy.
Downsizing kinda feels like this. Starts as a comedy sort of, and trailers marketed it as such. Then suddenly it’s a drama/romance/climate change thing. Made that whole movie feel super weird.
28. This almost never works out.
Whenever they start promoting their movie by constantly comparing it to one of the all time greats in the genre.
If you are a fantasy movie and you have to state in the advertising that you are great just like Lord of the Rings, it makes me think you’re movie is probably shit. Because you are not LOTR.
29. There’s only one joke.
If there are multiple trailers for a comedy movie, but they use the same joke in all of them.
Also when the trailer gives away the twist or climax of the movie. Remember that terminator movie where they reveal John was a terminator in the trailer? That’s when I knew I wasn’t gonna watch it.
30. There’s always a reason.
It’s been in production for too long.
There’s always a reason, for a recent example; ‘Chaos Walking’. It changed screenwriter, director and production company so many times over 10 years but was sold on it been “A Charlie Kauffman movie starring Daisy Ridley and Tom Holland”.
Kauffman left in 2013, Ridley and Holland filmed it over years due to so many reshoots and failed screenings. Then Lionsgate said the negative reviews were shocking to them.. Really??
31. Right there in the lobby.
When the main actors name is bigger than the title on the poster.
Bonus points if the actors last name isn’t the REAL famous named actor. Example, Quentin Tarantino recently was on WTF talking about how his estranged father and Al Pacinos estranged father got together and made a few direct to video B movies.
So they get to put “TARANTINO-PACINO” at the top of the poster for marketing. Then you see to random old dudes.
32. They don’t want you to hear a thing before you buy your ticket.
Critics did not receive an advance screening in order to write a review. It means the studio is hoping to at least recover an opening weekend of ticket sales before word gets out.
I have to say, I don’t see the flaws in most of these tips.
Do you have an idea for something else to add? Drop it in our comments!
