We always hear about red flags that signal a horrible relationship – but what about the green ones?
What about the ones that give us that special assurance? The kind that keeps us going?
Those of you Redditor’s in happy, healthy, and fulfilling relationships, what were the “green flags” you noticed about your partner early on in your relationship with them?
byu/allen-freed inAskReddit
Here are some selections from people of Reddit who just knew they’d found the right guy when they saw these green flags waving.
1. A helping hand.
I have crohn’s and was always kinda shame be with someone even if is Just for a night, when i start dating her i thought i won the lottery, zero fear of what she would think because she was always so good to me and supportive, even in the bathroom ahaha best girlfriend ever
– Cigbraz
2. Reaching out.
Before my wife and I were dating, I very quickly noticed that she always invited the loners to join in the conversation.
If she noticed someone we knew sitting alone she’d always extended an invitation to join or ask their opinion.
– CounterTouristsWin
3. It’s ridiculous.
If she did something mean or unthoughtful and I brought up that it upset me she would talk it through and if she was wrong, she would apologize.
If it was just something I misunderstood then she would take the time to explain it and the issue was resolved.
Also she brought me my favorite chocolate or other things I mentioned without me ever asking, just because. Man I really love her so much its ridiculous.
– modernmartialartist
4. Me being me.
Early on, she encouraged me to be more like me.
Things that other people in my life didn’t like about me or things that my ex told me not to do, she would embrace. things like taking risks on new hobbies, seeking attention in conversations, my particular humor; she liked these things about me.
all of that, and of course dat a**!
– truth – S**y_Sideburns_Guy
5. Good friends.
She had a lot of active, long-term, stable friendships. She was still close with several friends who she’d had since childhood, high school, college, etc, despite having moved inter-state multiple times, and she was still making new friends.
Keeping friendships active takes a lot of traits that are important in a relationship partner: good communication, being able to articulate your feelings, empathy, etc.
The only downside in having a partner like that is that their guest list at your wedding is huge!
– mr_evilweed
6. Strap in.
I’m 29 and we’re closing in on our 10 year anniversary.
The green flag that pops out the most is when I biked to the restaurant we met at, she noticed my helmet straps were loose. They’d always been sort of messed up.
Anyways she spent a good 5 minutes fixing them and finally got it to strap properly. It’s silly, but I just loved that she cared enough about my safety to do that.
– HighSintellect
7. A special gift.
It’s not perfect, but I knew she actually cared about me on my first birthday with her.
She woke me up before she left for work, left the room, and came back with a sh**ty Walmart birthday cake with a single lit candle, singing happy birthday to you.
This was like a few weeks after we started dating. We got married s few weeks later, she’s the love of my life and we’ve been together for almost four years now.
– desertsprinkle
8. Stay safe.
After cooking me a fantastic dinner after which we watched the playoff game, she asked me to spend the night as we had both been drinking quite a bit.
She made it abundantly clear that s** was not an option and she only wanted to be sure I was safe.
– Enki_007
9. Right to the good stuff.
Bruh I’m dating one of my best friends of 11 years, been dating for a year 1/2. Green flag numero uno was the feeling of having such a solid foundation of friendship that any relationship issues we can talk about so easily and not get down each other’s throats.
Any time we’re mad at each other it’s all open and talked about at such a friendly level I love it. Real love man.
We already know exactly who each other are and there’s nothing to hide from, feel like we skipped yeaaaaars of hard relationship work because of it and we can get right to the good stuff and keep on keeping on. Love that girl
– independencepass
10. The perfect woman.
First date we were making out and I let out a really gross fart slip out on accident. She deada** looks me in the eye, rips one, and says, “Top that motherf**ker.”
Been married for 13 years.
– MrJoyless
11. Easy conversation.
It was instantly easy to talk to her. I never felt like I had to put on a show for her because she never did with me, and she actively affirmed me in that.
She immediately blew every standard I thought was high enough out of the water.
– meltingfrog
12. I’ve never been able to get this.
I h**e being tickled, but am very ticklish.
She discovered it early in the relationship, and I asked her once to not tickle me.
She has never tickled me again in the following 10 years.
Just shows respect
– Sir_Loin-Steak
13. Very caring.
I have an autistic sister. She’s currently 20 with the mental capacity of a three year old. Not everyone knows how to handle that. Well, 4 years ago when my girlfriend met my family, the two immediately became best friends. My girlfriend has always cared so much for my sister and would even sit with her while i wasn’t home so my mom could go have a life for herself.
To this day, my sister smiles and laughs like a mad man when she see my girlfriend.
I don’t know how much information she can retain but they’ve always loved each other, and i think my gf has had a huge impact on her life
– noahlantz
14. It’s about support.
She isn’t afraid to have a different opinion than mine, but she always hears me out and she ALWAYS supports me.
Every time I phrase something about myself in a negative way, she reframes it for me in a different light and more often than not it pulls me out of a dark mood.
In my previous relationship I felt awfully critiqued for just being the person who I was, and that critique would often make me feel guilty for not meeting the standards set for me by my SO. Now that I’ve got a partner who celebrates who I am, I realise all along that I’ve been holding myself back from just doing what makes me happy.
– djkmart
15. Whatever, together.
I’ve (26M) been in abusive relationships before this, and it was not until this partner of mine that I really understood what it was like to be in a completely happy, safe relationship.
I knew that I wanted to spend more time with this girl the instant I saw her, and by the time we met a second time, we were already joking about marriage. Soon enough, it wasn’t a joke.
We listen to each other and respect each other. If something is getting too much for me, I still have the ability to tell her and for her not to feel bad about it. She goes out of her way to try the games and shows that interest me, even if they’re out of her comfort zone. She actively asks me what I want to do and she’s perfectly happy to do them, simply because they’re with me.
More than anything, it’s more that we both have this solid idea in our head that whatever we do, ultimately we want to be with each other. There’s no doubt, or suspicion, or feeling that doom is just around the corner. We want each other, and we’re willing to work for it. And I think this is the first time I haven’t had to settle for someone loving me less than I love them. Because when you love someone, it’s not wrong to want them to reciprocate what you’re doing and feeling.
– StorySpiral
16. “Fearlessly lets me have my feelings.”
I was able to express my emotions and thoughts to him without his getting angry or judgy.
He fearlessly lets me have my feelings without trying to change them, we talk them out and it feels so much better afterwards. I feel like I could tell him absolutely anything, so the trust between us is more solid than I’ve ever had with anyone else.
Gah, he’s just the best. ?
Also hot af.
– MissIscariot
17. “Enabled me to face my fears.”
He enabled me to face my fears, not by pushing me but by being the ultimate “safe space” enabling me to take emotional risks and grow mentally. Right from the beginning I could trust him totally.
I never once checked on him, worried about him cheating, or felt that jealous uncertain churning in my stomach. This was very new for me at the time and hasn’t changed.
After 20 years of marriage he still accepts me 100% yet makes me want to be a better person.
Plus he’s funny af. Like cant breathe, weak with laughter funny.
Genuinely incredibly grateful all the time that we found each other when we did (early 20s) and we get to spend so much of our lives together.
– sometimesnowing
18. “He wants to build something.”
We’d been dating for about a month, one day out of the blue he turns to me and goes “I could take apart and clean the drain pipes under your sink if you want. I noticed the sink is a bit slow to empty”.
Completely unprompted.
That’s when I knew he’s a man who wants to build something with me.
– Jane9812
19. “Just a calm acceptance.”
I grew up in an angry, volatile home. Anything could make the “adults” snap and go on a rampage.
When my then boyfriend, now husband, and I came home to find a major leak in the bedroom ceiling, which had leaked all over the bed and caused significant damage, he just flatly said, “Well, s**t.” And called the building manager.
No screaming, no throwing things, no blaming anyone, just a calm acceptance and then action to rectify the problem.
We’re going on 16 years married and 20 years together.
– ChockBox
20. “He helped me pack everything.”
He drove 2 hours on his birthday to pick me up when my mom abandoned me in a parking lot, brought me home, and sat with me while my parents and I tried to talk things over.
My stepfather started screaming obscenities at me for no real reason, he helped me pack everything I owned in his truck and I moved in that night.
After dating for two months. It’s been two years, and we got married last month
– jcw10489
21. “Is everything okay?”
The first time we had s** I got my period and didn’t realize until we were done and I went to the bathroom to pee. It wasn’t a ton of blood but I know it was enough to have gotten on him and the sheet. I walked out of the bathroom and he was standing in the doorway of the room and said something like “is everything okay? Did you get your period or something?”
And then we both smiled big and started cracking up and he was totally cool and sweet. The next morning he invited me to go sheet shopping with him because he “needed new ones anyway and wants me to like the ones he picks”.
That was about 9 years ago.
– addicted_to_blistex
22. “No judgement or expectations.”
He comes from a very different background to mine, I love theatre and museums and galleries. He’d never even been to a show. He made a point of taking me to do everything I loved doing, even when it was weird to him. He also invited me to rugby matches and cricket games with him to learn about what he was into.
And lastly, I’m a veggie, so he started ordering plant based meals when we were out (I love sharing food because I h**e picking one thing from a menu), and learning to cook food I can eat – no judgement or expectations to change.
– nixipix1
23. “Never need a break.”
S** was not transactional.
We don’t have to have s** because he took me out to dinner or I want something done around the house. We have s** because we want to have s**.
I also don’t get tired of being around him. I could hang out with him all day and night for weeks on end and never need a break, he’s my best friend.
– LadyBethOfHouseStark
24. “Supremely unselfish.”
When I saw how supremely unselfish he is. He does things for people with absolutely no expectation that anyone return the favor to him, he just does things to help people.
He really is a special person. I’ve never met anyone like him. I always hoped someone like him existed but kinda thought it was a dream to think that. To find someone who loves me for me and who I feel is just my equal partner is just the bees knees.
– KayOh19
25. “No hesitation.”
He’s a big tough guy, covered in tattoos. Very “man’s man.”
We were driving one day and in a split second, he drove off the road, ran out and stopped 5 lanes of traffic to let a family of ducks and their tiny babies cross the road. No hesitation.
You bet I put a ring on that man. 14 years and counting.
– Fatlantis
26. “He wanted me to talk.”
He wanted me to talk about my feelings. I’ve never done that before and when I said I don’t know how to he made a point of talking about his feelings then asking me how I felt about it.
4 years later and I’m getting really good at this feelings thing and I’ve never been more happy to be alive, and that’s saying something in 2020.
– sygnisif
27. “The first 5 minutes.”
Within the first 5 minutes of meeting my mum (who has h**ed every guy I’ve introduced her to) she said “Well he’s better than the last one.” By the end of the night she said she loves him and to never let him go.
Having people around you notice how happy you are with them and the change in yourself is crazy and enlightening. I knew I was happy but I didn’t think it was so noticeable to some people who I very rarely see.
– AverageBroomstick
28. “Very sentimental and important.”
When I was helping him move apartment a couple of months into the relationship, and I accidentally threw out something very sentimental and important to him.
When we figured it out almost 6hrs later, instead of getting mad and upset with me he understood that it was an honest mistake and made a plan to get the items back (which involved going to the security officer of the building at 2am and digging through a dumpster full of garbage until we found them!)
– PM_ME_YOUR_HAN
29. “Looked like a home.”
His apartment that he lived in alone was clean and neat and looked like a home. Like, not that “I just cleaned the place for the first time in months” look but “I’m a neat person in general” look. He’d also made a lasagna from scratch for our date.
For me, the fact that he was a grown man, living on his own and he knew how to keep his place clean and to cook was a green flag. This was not a man I was going to have to “mom” or argue about the disparity of chores.
My ex husband was the exact opposite so it was a breath of fresh air.
– trashymob
30. “They’re inseparable.”
My son was two when my boyfriend and I got together, and after a few months he met my son. He didn’t warm up to him in the first couple of months, and it really weighed on my boyfriend.
After I put him to bed one night, my boyfriend was quietly crying and told me how concerned he was that my son just didn’t seem to like him. I explained that since his bio dad was never around, he didn’t have a lot of men in his life, and I think he saw him as competition.
Fast forward to now, my son is six, and they’re inseparable. My son considers him his dad, and we’ve talked about my boyfriend adopting him when we get married.
– lilpastababy
Heartwarming stuff through and through.
Do you have a story like this?
Tell us in the comments.
