Delivery drivers seem to be busier than ever these days – between groceries, food, essentials, clothes, and everything else we can buy online and have ferried directly to our doors, there are plenty of jobs to be had.
But everyone has rough days at work – and after you read these stories, you’ll know why these drivers will never forget these moments on the job.
1. What an absolute nightmare.
I was delivering medical supplies in Portland and the surrounding areas a couple years ago. I thought it was going to be a normal day when I woke up, but I was very much mistaken. I still have flashbacks of what I witnessed.
I start my route by driving to the warehouse and receiving my deliveries. I login to the app on my phone and call dispatch so they can send me my route. Everything’s going swimmingly, no red alarms at all. I wrap everything up there and head out on the road.
The first delivery is out in Seattle so I head on over there as quickly as I’m allowed and listen to my favorite podcast while I’m at it. Time passes by, I’m getting close to my destination and I’m rounding a corner that has a lot of vegetation and is basically one of those hills that you have to break the entire way down. This is where it all goes wrong.
A couple of older people start crossing the road while I’m on this super steep hill that spirals down and I start braking more, but it just wasn’t enough. I hit a spot of ice and my van goes sideways and well.. they didn’t make it. They should not have been walking down across that hill.. but yea..
I call the police and tell them everything that happened. They arrive and start taking witness reports and stuff. By this time I’ve puked probably five times and have no idea what I’m facing here. Time passes.. cops come to me with a look on their faces. I’m literally sure I’m going to jail.
Number one.. they left a suicide note on their table at the residential nursing home they lived at. They walked into my car together on purpose.
Number two.. the delivery was for the lady that passed away… That still bothers me. She planned it because she knew a van was going to be coming down a blind corner. She f*cked my mind up for a solid year and I even moved back to Florida to go to counseling and sh%t. Literally have never told this story but it felt really good to get it out of my head.
2. A twist for the ages.
I used to deliver Edible Arrangements. One time I was at a house in your average northeastern suburban neighborhood and I had gone to the door with the arrangement but didn’t get an answer.
So I go back to my truck, put the arrangement in the back side door, and was standing outside the open passenger door facing the truck, trying to call the customer to see if they’d be home soon and I can leave or if I should try to find one of their neighbors to take it in.
As the phone is ringing, the customers car pulls in the driveway and so I hang up the phone and wave, and as they roll down their window I start to say “Oh, hi! I have a delivery for you-” and the customer who’s house this was just very calmly said “I don’t want to alarm you, but there’s a bear right behind you..”
I turned around and not 3 feet away was a young bear (bigger than a cub, but not yet full grown) just sniffing around their bushes. I didn’t know what to do, my legs just turned to jelly and I froze. So I said to the customer “What do I do??” and she looks at me like I’m crazy and goes “GET IN THE CAR”
Now, the smart thing to do would have been to jump into the passenger seat that I was literally standing right outside with the door open and everything but in my nervous state, I slam the passenger door and run all the way around (the long way around the truck, too smh) and get in the driver’s seat and lock the doors.
The side door to the refrigerated side of my truck was still open, but at least I was separated from the bear. The bear didn’t notice me until I slammed the door shut but all he did was wander up to the side door and sniff the beautiful fruit arrangements in my truck. He hung out for a few minutes until the customer finally had enough and laid down on their horn until he took off running down the street.
There were a few other interesting deliveries from that job but none turned my legs to jelly like that bear.
3. A close call.
When I was about 6 months pregnant with my first son, I delivered for Papa John’s in an area that was mostly not so great. Now, that area has the highest violent crime rate on average or something or other for our state, so that should tell you how bad it was about 10 years ago before it got downright awful.
Well, one neighborhood in particular was the worst of the worst, and usually another driver would take it since I was pregnant, but that Friday night we were short and super busy, so I did it without hesitation. Gotta eat after all, right?
So, I get there, get out of my truck with the pizza, and get a really, REALLY bad feeling. Quickly look around, and see a group of guys watching me. I put on my war face more or less, and as a second thought, stuck my big belly out a bit so it’d be way more obvious in the dark.
One of them approached me and was like, “oh, you pregnant?” I just shrugged and said “yeah… that definitely ain’t a basketball, dude.” He chuckled at that, walked back to his friends, and I heard him say, “naw, yall, come on, she’s pregnant.”
They all walked away and the dude that I’d spoken to gave me a nod and smile, told me to take care. Found out later that one driver had been brutally beaten in that lot less than a couple months before I’d been hired, and if I hadn’t been pregnant, I might’ve suffered the same or worse. Glad that didn’t happen.
4. People like to talk.
I made a delivery and some form of small terrier bolted through the door and bit me hard enough to leave a mark through my winter gear. I let the owner know and he apologized because it wasn’t his dog and he didn’t know to anticipate that.
It was his dad’s dog and his dad’s house and his dad was inside the house dying. The family had been sitting there trying to ease his passing for a day or so and needed that pizza to help sustain them.
He wasn’t overly emotional, but clearly wanted to be able to talk to someone about it. I’m the sort of person that wants to let people get all that out. Unfortunately I was on the clock and really needed to get as many deliveries in as possible. I still feel like I should have stayed a little longer.
5. Of course they didn’t tip.
I worked for as a delivery man for a small cakery. We would make custom cakes for anyone and any and all events. This one time I had to deliver a cake that had a d**k on it.
When I came to the house and rang the bell, this lady opened up drunk as hell and just screamed saying “the d**ks here”. So it was a bachelorette party. This lady just pulled me in with the cake and told me to bring the cake to the middle of the party. The price was 4500 Rupees or around $40 but they made it rain over me.
So I had to pick it up and they didnt even give a tip. Then I came back to the cakery and got scolded cause I got late.
6. Oh nooooo.
I used to deliver pizzas. This one order was to a nice house in an OK part of town. I ring the doorbell, and wait patiently for the door to open. When it does, I’m greeted by a lady and her young son. She’s clearly been crying, but is doing a good job of holding them back. I don’t acknowledge it, it’s none of my business and she’s clearly not looking for solace from the pizza guy. I remind her what the pizzas cost, and she hands me some cash. Standard stuff.
As I’m digging around in my bag for change, the kid pipes up: “I have to tell you something.”
“What’s that?” I say, half listening as I try to work out how much change to give back.
“My Dad’s not coming home.”
Oh Sh%t. “I’m sorry to hear that,” I tell him. I stare at my bag as I pull out the last of the change, trying to avoid looking at either of them as I hand it back with the pizzas. As I leave, habits formed over a thousand deliveries almost make me tell them have a good night, but I catch myself enough to say “enjoy the pizza” instead.
Judging by his Mum, the parents would have broken up some time that day. I’m guessing I’m probably the first person that kid told.
7. A good memory, this time.
I met a nice puppy when i was delivering to a farm.
8. Definitely not his job.
This literally just happened to me 30 minutes ago on a delivery. I’m an Ice delivery driver and some big box stores like for us to not only to deliver the ice- but also to stock the front of the store, which is a large insurance risk for us.
So as my helper and I are dragging a pallet to the front, accompanied by a store employee we all notice a foul smell. Let’s just say it’s a store not exactly known for the most cleanly of people.
Before we can get to the front a second employee runs up to us in a panic yelling, “There’s s**t. There’s sh%t everywhere.”
Behind him is a literal trail of smears- someone had pooped down their leg and dragged it probably 50 yards all over the store. They had one employee attempting to clean it with a shop vac. Cleaning poop. With a shop vac.
“Hey ice guy can you help us out here?”
“Yeah no f*cking chance.”
“Then I’m denying the delivery.”
So here I am writing this out 30 minutes later- sitting in the store managers office explaining to him why the receiver denied a delivery.
9. Should have pawned the dog.
I worked at a mom and pop pizza store. I was called up for a delivery, bagged the order, entered the address into my GPS, and set off. After about twelve minutes or so, I arrived. I walked up to the door, knocked, and was greeted by a woman and her daughter (probably around 10). I go through my schpiel: “Hello, how are you? I have $Order, is that correct? Okay, total is $Amount,” and begin handing her the food.
She turns to her daughter and says to her, “Make sure the dog doesn’t…,” and can’t finish the sentence before the Yorkie goes tearing out the door. They start to panic (the street wasn’t busy, but it’s a small dog in a town where animals hit by traffic is a common sight, sadly), and I try to calm them down, saying that I’d be happy to retrieve the dog. They oblige, and after I hand them the rest of their order, I go after the dog.
This…. thing… decides it’s going to go running four houses down. The houses aren’t too spread out, but it’s still me chasing a dog in the middle of summer, wearing a black t-shirt in the d**d of the afternoon. Anyway, I finally catch up to the dog, pick it up, and start carrying it back to the owners.
I hand the dog back to them, get back to the business of them paying for the food, and I am rewarded with the princely sum of a $0.16 tip.
10. The kittens were tip enough.
I used to deliver pizza. Favorite experience: The guy opened the front door and is smoking a joint. And then…KITTENS. 4 kittens come round the corner meowing, and start trying to climb my pant legs.
The guy just giggles and giggles, so I put the pizzas down and play with the kittens for a while. He tipped me a 20!
11. Imagine having to deal with that, too.
Use to delivery appliances for a company that had a contract with the city we were based out of. Essentially the contract would allow low income residents a voucher to obtain second hand kitchen appliances. We went to deliver a fridge to a lady and on arrival her mother opened the door.
Not only did she open the door but her almost lifeless body could not stop the weight of the door and she fell on the ground cracking her head open. She was probably on her 3rd 40oz of some off brand malt liquor.
The kicker is though, she was watching her daughters two children. Called 911 to inform them and stayed until help arrived.
Not sure what ever happened to these kids after that, but I hope they were not effected to greatly by this ladies choices. Truly some sad s**t in this world.
12. It’s like a horror movie.
My SO was delivering boxes of magazines to a small shop. It was really early like 4am, the shop not yet open but he’d leave them round the back by the door. Rolls up, hops out of the van, grabs box and takes it to the spot.
Walks back to the van and there was now a man sitting in the drivers seat. It was dark and no one else around so he just yells to him to get out of the van but didn’t approach. Next thing he knows the guy is out and running at him with something large and shiny in his hands. SO freaks out and runs, the guy chases him.
SO doubled back around, jumped in the van and took off right as the guy caught up and slammed the object into the windshield. It shattered but stayed in place so he couldn’t see s**t but just drove out of there anyway. Eventually pulled over when safe to find an axe was lodged in the window.
A f*cking full sized axe. He was shaking too much to drive after that so flagged someone down to call the cops. They never found the guy.
13. “That’s your finger.” Ha!
Delivered pizza from about the day I got my license all the way through the rest of high school, university, and then as extra income during my first full-time-job. Now I’m back to deliveries (for Uber in Tokyo) as a side job after a 14-year hiatus.
Back in about 1993, guy was trying to punch his wife and missed and got me instead. I GTFOed, kept the pizza for myself, and called the cops once I got back to the store (this was before cell phones)
I was delivering the night I turned 18. 12-year-old kid and his buddies saw me bring a pizza into a building and were waiting for me pointing his jacket at me when I got out. “Give me everything, I have a gun!” “No you don’t; that’s your finger!” (where was a 12-year-old kid in middle-class suburban Canada going to get a handgun?) “Uh.. Yeah… You’re right. It was just a joke!” kid shouts over his shoulder as he and his buddies bolt
It was a snowy day in Canada and some kids were hucking ice chunks at cars on the street and one hit mine. I threw a handbrake turn as I put the window down. “SORRY, SORRY!” they all shouted as they scattered
14. It wasn’t their dog.
I pulled up to the house and there was a large German shepherd in the yard (which was fenced in) going nuts, barking and snapping at me.
It takes me about 5 to 10 minutes of grappling with this dog to make it to the door, and it runs around the side of the house.
So the folks open the door, pay for the food, and suddenly the dog bursts around the corner of the yard, slams past me and bolts into the house.
He’s sprinting in circles, freaking out and knocking stuff over including a nice looking lamp that broke. The people there start losing their minds trying to stop the dog from turning the whole house into rubble.
The one dude asks me “why the f*ck would you bring your dog with you on a delivery?”
Which was an absolutely bonkers question that let me know this was not their dog. I helped them get it out of the house and they tipped me zero dollars.
15. I hope his sandwich was gross.
In near hurricane conditions I was delivering subs for Jimmy Johns. Took me a little longer than usual to get to a house, I am completely drenched, standing in the rain because the front door didn’t have a stoop.
The guy opens the door and says “took you long enough” grabbed his sandwich and didn’t tip me.
16. He’ll never forget it.
I used to be a Domino’s driver.
Showed up at a woman’s house and her toddler opens the door. Mum is sitting on the toilet, door open, facing me in all her glory taking a sh%t. She’s yelling at her toddler to ‘get mummies wallet from mummies purse’ and this kid can’t be older than like..2? Idk I can’t tell kids ages.
So the kid after like a good excruciating five minutes of yelling manages to get mummies wallet from mummies purse. I feel like I can’t intervene and take the money out myself because the mum will think I’m stealing, so we’re both trying to talk this kid through paying me. Mum is yelling at the poor girl to ‘get the orange note!’ and the kid pulls out her mum’s opal card instead of the $20.
The kid starts crying. Mum is getting really agitated. It got to a point where I snapped and was like ‘look lady, you’re gonna have to do this’ so I got to wait until she finished sh%tting and then gave me the money without washing her d*mn hands.
Pretty memorable experience.
17. Nope. Don’t like that.
Had a delivery for a hotel at 2am on saturday. I went to the front desk and they asked me to come to their room. I went and knocked and a middle aged bald man answered with only his head poking out, I couldn’t see the rest of his body.
He opened the door and asked me to come inside and put the pizza on the table, which i did b.c i’m an idiot. When i walk inside i see another middle aged fat man sitting on the bed and the guy who opened the door closed it behind me.
Then, i turned around and saw the door guy was only in a thong. Nothing happened and i left without saying a word, but it was definitely strange
One time someone’s puppy had gotten out and was running around the yard, and I helped them catch it before handing over their food.
19. These are amazing stories.
Not me but my dad was a fed ex delivery driver. One place he was knocking at the door waiting for an answer and then begins hearing heavy breathing behind him. Slowly he turns around to see a f**king ostrich staring at him.
Second one, he made a delivery to this mans country farmhouse. As you walk to the house you can clearly see into the barn. As he was approaching he saw bodies hanging from the scaffolds.
Turns out the guy was big into doing special effects for movies and helped with silence of the lambs.
20. Burned on his brain.
I delivered to a guy once at a call center who was wearing extra large sweatpants and you could clearly see what looked to be some sort of massive tumor between his legs pressed up against his pants.
It was huge, like almost beach ball huge and lumpy and I don’t think I’ll ever get that image out of my head.
I deliver pizza.
I walked up to a trailer park house and knockd. Dude answers the door wearing a swastika armband and he’s bald. I tell him the total and he invites me inside while he gets the money, there’s 10 more dudes all bald all wearing arm bands, sitting in a circle in metal chairs guy gives me the money, I go to leave, he grabs my arm and gets in my face and asks “do you like n****rs?” I don’t want to be murdered so I respond “nope not at all hate those f**kers” and leave as quick as possible.
The scary part is every other delivery driver but me that night was black and they might have never been seen again if I didn’t take the delivery.
22. So many memories.
Made a delivery on the 2nd of January. The guy opening the door was clearly drunk. Also he was wearing a bathrobe and nothing underneath, sausage and two veg clearly on display. Let me into the house, so I could get in the basement. Went past his living room, where a bunch of people with not enough clothes to go around were merrily drinking. He was a regular customer, so he called me up a few days later to apologize.
Got yelled at by a (metric) sh%tton of people… for blocking the street or driving to slowly. I an residential area, driving a 32ton truck…
Delivered wood pellets for heating to home a couple of months ago. Was a nice new home somewhere in the suburbs. Pellet deliveries take a while, so usually the people who live there start chatting to me. So I was chatting with the lady of the house and complimented her on nice new home (I almost always do this.
People shell out insane amounts of money for their house, I might as well confirm their decision. Especially because I´d like to deliver again the next time they need wood pellets). The woman started crying, because she didn’t know anybody around, her friends lived miles away and her husband was at work all the time.
Or the other time, when a father and his kid climbed in my truck. Mind you, if they had asked, I would have allowed it anyway. I sometimes even took dads and their kids for a ride around the block, if I had the time. But just getting in an playing with all those funky buttons, while I am at the a** end of the truck, trying to get the wood pellets to flow into their storage container and wondering why my remote didn’t work… Not good. Never delivered that guy again…
23. Talk about high maintenance.
I occasionally pick up delivery routes at the supermarket I work at part time, and the range of customers is crazy. The city has two universities (loads of students), and a butt-load of elderly and highly self-entitled (not mutually-exclusive) customers.
The system we use for deliveries/sat-nav. shows us “Customer Comments” right before each delivery, usually consisting of instructions like “There is a lift to the right as you enter”. Additionally, we are a fairly small branch, and so the comparatively smaller line we stock is made known to customers when ordering. If you don’t want items to be substituted if unavailable, you mark it as so when ordering (not a hidden button).
The other week, this lady had put a note to give her a call 45 minutes before I arrived… as if she was the only customer to whom I was delivering. The note went on to tell me “not to even bother bringing any substitutions as she does not want them”. I immediately knew this was going to be an issue, as I could see there was about 6/7 crates for this customer.
I was only a 10-minute drive away, so called and apologized that I couldn’t do so sooner. She said it was fine, and that she would be waiting outside to meet me, describing how I could identify her upon my arrival as “the two unmistakeable ladies”. It turned out to be a mother and daughter, and the order was a food shop for the daughter at uni. which the mother had placed. Without any cue, the daughter began going through the crates removing items saying “not this, not this, that isn’t organic, this is cruel, that has oil in it, definitely not that… omg why did you order those?!” like an ungrateful little something. She also berated her mother for not ordering certain things, and got stroppy when she didn’t find certain other items right away. The mother said “oh I’m sure the man will be able to get you this” as if I had the entire stock of the shop in the back of my van. When I explained I couldn’t do this, she began pointing at other crates saying “but you have this there?!” (a different customer’s order).
The mother begins to tell me how she’s never shopped online before, and her daughter has a very strict, doctor-ordered diet; whether she did or didn’t isn’t really my concern, but it certainly came across as the daughter having other reasons. Again, it’s not my concern, but she shouldn’t have gotten her mother to order, and perhaps should have shopped from somewhere which catered to her needs more. When I also explained that I can’t just give her other items from the van, she said “but every other time I’ve ordered they’ve done so-and-so?!” – first order, sure…
Now the real part that pi**ed me off is how the daughter had pulled things from the crates; on my system, I have to find each item individually from each crate number, and then manually remove them. Which means I have to know which crate they were in originally, since usually it’s only one or two items that get sent back. A lot of the items were fresh as well (from the meat/fish-counters) meaning they had to be binned.
Anyway, they got impatient, angry, and unreasonable, and I was late to all the remainder of my drops. That’s only one of many stories…
24. Canadian money.
Domino’s driver here.
At a store I used to work for, had these regulars in a rich subdivision that would order once every couple of weeks, always drunk ad hell and barely dressed (he would answer in shorts, she would be peaking out behind the door in some form of lingerie nighty). Always later in the evening, great tippers. One night she comes out completely naked, talking about how they used to do this all the time back in Georgia (Florida here). Took a picture with her, got my tip and a great memory, and left. If she remembered it at all, she never mentioned it the next time I saw her.
once delivered to an Indian guy in a hotel. Paid with a credit card, but tipped in cash. More specifically, a Canadian $5 bill. Happened a few years ago, still have the bill. Where am I going to spend a Canadian fiver?
watched a guy get pulled over. We were sitting at a light, he in the left lane, I in the right.
Light turns green, and we go. I get up to a comfy 50 mph, speed limit was 45. Didn’t realize the cop was behind me until just before the other guy got fed up and gunned it to get in front of me. Laughed all the way to my delivery.
25. I don’t see how you could.
Used to work for a pizza chain. I was mugged and shot. Partial paralysis in my left leg. Never gonna forget that.
26. Always say yes to Waffle House.
I worked and still do occasionally uber. I like to work late nights, the party crowd but I also have a habit of not stopping until 7 or 8 am which means I get a lot of working girls between the hours of 3 and 5 AM.
I liked driving working girls cause they were very polite, they always tipped and quickly I started to develop a trust with a few of them. Of course what the are doing is illegal, and personally I have no moral obligations to their chosen profession. This one particular girl over the course of 3-4 rides with me over the course of about 6 weeks got to know me.
So one night I picked her up and she said “Cohen tonight different, my John is giving me a bad vibe I want you to drop me off in front of the room and wait 10 minutes and I’ll tip you $10. If I come out within 10 minutes as soon as I get in the car just go somewhere”
I said fine, I did as she told me to do. She went in, I set a timer for 12 minutes (I was going be nice and give her an extra 2 minutes) not 5 minutes later she came into my car and said “Yea no way that guy f**king creeps me out”
So we take off
And I’m like where do you wanna go? Keep in mind its like 5 AM. She said “Let me treat you to some waffle house” I was hungry so I agreed.
So we went to a waffle house. She bought me my breakfast and we chatted for a good while. I learned a lot about her. Came from an abusive home, ended up with a decent job but didn’t mind f**king guys for money and it paid better then her regular job. Has dreams of opening up a beauty salon etc.
Cool girl, interesting times. After we finished breakfast I ended up taking her home at no charge.
And before anyone says anything, no s^x was involved.
27. How to get blacklisted.
I delivered pizzas in my late teens to early twenties. I have many stories, but only one very scary story. I drove up to the house and notice a group of men hanging around the side yard. I walk up to the door and did the pizza/money exchange all while these guys are yelling things at me in Spanish. I did my best to ignore them, but I guess they didn’t like a young female ignoring them.
Once I got off the porch they started yelling louder while running at me. I sprinted to my car and locked the doors. They stopped right in front of my car yelling who knows what at me in Spanish. Luckily I had an opening to get out of the drive and sped off. Told my manager about the incident and she made it a rule that only the men would deliver to that house for now on.
The rest of my stories are funny. My favorite were the stoned kids offering me a joint as a tip or that one time I wrote tip on my hand to p**s the lady off who never tipped.
28. It’s like a horror movie.
It was my first day, I had moved back home after getting my degree so I started delivering pizza. After a few successful deliveries. I had an order a few miles out. It was a fairly big order but nothing too massive. So I head out and when I get to the address there were birthday balloons attached to their front gate.
I knock in the door and this ten year old boy stood there just in his underwear. Like literally just his briefs. I have never felt so uncomfortable. Well he shouts at his mom to get the money for his food. And he just stands there awkwardly staring at me. Not even blinking. It was so freaky. Well his mom gives him the money to which he hands it to me. And I give him the food. I had the distinct impression that food was just for him. But yeah.
Never have I left a place feeling so dirty as I did then.
29. She should have stayed.
I briefly worked for Jimmy John’s as a delivery driver during college, and although I had delivered pizzas throughout high school this is the story imprinted in my mind when I think of my delivery days.
It was a beautiful spring day and I was delivering about $40 bucks worth of sandwiches to a nice neighborhood in the early afternoon and was pretty stoked about my high probability of a good tip. As I suspected, I show up and the house is a real beaut. I walked up and hit the bell only to hear some guy yell from somewhere in the house, “Oh f**k yeah boys, JJs is here!”.
My first thought was how did some frat boys have a house this nice, this was near a mansion. Normally I wouldn’t let myself in but I decided to roll with it. I walk through the front door and this entire house starts cheering, and its filled with dads. My mouth is hanging open as they proceed to escort me downstairs to the “party palace”, all the while I’m stepping over children’s toys. When I get downstairs its the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen – a mans mancave.
They had a pool table, a f**king BARTENDER, and EIGHT TVs all streaming different games of march madness. Before I can even say anything they’ve handed me a shot to take with them and one of the dads says “Here’s to you, brotha!”. I ended up hanging out with them for almost 40 minutes and drank a beer while we watched the games and they explained that every year they take a week off from their firms and do this so they don’t miss a second of the march madness openings. When I finally was able to leave they kept asking me to stay and party and I was pretty sure I was would be fired but they kept protesting that I stay (the situation had me so dumbstruck by its surrealism that I just couldn’t leave). I finally get back to my store expecting to get canned, or at the very least a good tongue-lashing (our golden rule was 10 mins there, 10 mins back), only to find my manager slightly annoyed.
He said to me, “So, you met Mr. L huh?” I responded “Who?” To which he responded, “Mr. L called and said you would be running late and that your dedication in the line of duty is commendable – he’s a pretty wild franchise owner.”
tl;dr delivered to a dad party where they handed me drinks, had hired a bartender, made me stay for almost an hour, and bailed me out of trouble with my boss on account of one of them owning the damn franchise, and tipped me a fat $100 to party and watch March Madness with them.
30. Barely restrained himself.
As a veterinarian, I often take animals away after being euthanized, organize cremation, and then deliver the ashes back to the owners if I did the euthanasia at home so they don’t have to deal with a random stranger from the crematorium delivering the ashes back to them; they appreciate this.
One Sunday when I was off duty I knew I was going to be in the area of a client whose pet’s ashes needed returning, so I was not in uniform, and the ashes came in a plain white paper bag at the time with everything inside it.
I rang the doorbell, waited, saw the curtain move and someone peer out, and then nothing. So I knocked on the door again, someone came again, looked longer, and then opened the door. They started with a jump, and then apologized. “Sorry! I didn’t recognize you without your uniform and stethoscope. I thought you were a fast-food delivery guy.”
I looked at the bag in my hand, and bit my tongue – hard – as my body desperately wanted me to hand over the package saying, “One Dog, Extra Crispy.”
I instead said the usual courtesies and drove home, but I still wonder what would have happened if my mouth had run ahead of my brain.
31. What are you gonna do?
I spent a summer as a delivery driver for Jimmy Johns in a college town. There was a street where many of the houses were rented by fraternity and sorority members and passed down among the members from year to year. Needless to say, a lot of partying, and a lot of late night JJ’s, went down on this street.
So one weeknight, around midnight, I’m delivering a Hunter’s Club and Turkey Tom to a house that, from the front, looks empty. I ring the doorbell, nothing. Knock on the door, give my “this ain’t the po-lice ‘Jimmy Johns delivery'” proclamation, still nothing. Try the doorbell again. Nada. Another knock, to no avail.
After waiting a minute or two in front of this dark, obviously unoccupied house, I decide to head back to the store. As I turn to leave the porch, I hear the click of a gate latch from the side of the house. I walk over and am met by a very intoxicated young man, BUCK-A$S NAKED, walking down the driveway.
He looks right at me, a smile comes over his face, and in a Spicoli-esque burnout drawl, says “Jimmy Johns……………….HELL YEAH”, and saunters off down the driveway onto the sidewalk.
Perplexed by this exchange, and realizing the futility of requesting payment from a man with no pockets, I just got in my car and left. But to this day, anytime I hear anyone say “Jimmy Johns” I think back to my Mallette Street bro and say to myself “…HELL YEAH.”
32. The end of this story, though.
I was delivering pizza, two lanes on each side of the road with lights. 50 mph speed limit. Doing about that and a soccer mom in a caravan goes to pass me in the left lane. What she didn’t realize was that a cat had gotten it’s tail caught in the sliding side door of the minivan.
She drove about 3/8 of a mile doing 50 mph with a cats body just slamming up and back into the pavement. We got to a light and told her there a cat dangling from your door, she looked at me funny for 3 seconds then got out to look at the other side of her vehicle and saw the cat laying there, lifeless.
She opened the door, cat ran away.
These stories are entertaining, but I’m sure they were less so in the moment.
If you’re a delivery driver, please share your best stories with us in the comments!