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If one thing is true about this pandemic and the lockdown we’re experiencing, it’s that marriages all over the country are being pushed to the brink.
There’s nowhere to run, nowhere to hide, and no one else to complain to.
In other words, you’re stuck with each other. For some people, it’s probably been great! But for others…maybe not so much…
You pile this lockdown on top of all of the regular marriage stuff and for some folks, it’s a powder keg waiting to explode…
And with that, we hope you enjoy these funny marriage tweets…and we’ll be rooting for all of you out there.
Good luck, friends…
1. That seems a little extreme to me.
But, hey, do what you gotta do.
Marriage year 1: Your sneezes are so cute.
Marriage year 10: For the love of God! I hope your head explodes.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 22, 2020
2. That is HOT.
I’m sure you really appreciated that, right?
Sent my husband nudes and he asked me which mole I was worried about.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) July 23, 2020
3. Dressing you down.
Get used to it, buddy.
Wife: That's a new shirt.
Me: It was on sale.
Wife: Was it free?
Me: No.
Wife: You paid too much.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 8, 2020
4. What’s your secret?
Oh…that’s it?
overheard my wife telling old friends from high school that we’ve been married for 18yrs, and when they asked “what’s ur secret,” my wife said “low standards” wtf
— Grant Tanaka: Honky (@GrantTanaka) July 19, 2020
5. You totally needed to hear that.
Keeping the spark alive!
My husband popped in from work and surprised me. After whispering a sexy suggestion to him he whispered back, “I was just in the area and I really gotta poop.”
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) July 25, 2020
6. She shot down your joke before it even got started.
I don’t appreciate that!
me: *glances at wife optimistically*
wife: just drive pic.twitter.com/fiCyVN5Ueb— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) July 17, 2020
7. Are you still alive over there?
This must be love!
Me and my husband have been married for over 11yrs. I know it's true love because starting at 5am his alarm goes off like 4 times every single day, and he's still alive.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 25, 2020
8. Don’t hurt me like that!
Now you’ve really ruined everything.
[during sex]
Me: hurt me
Wife: I call my dad when you leave the house to ask him how to fix your renovation mistakes.
Me: wait-
Wife: I secretly hired a landscaping company to take care of the grass because your lawn care skills are severely lacking.
— Royotathon 🚘 (@Royotathon) June 21, 2020
9. Dodged a bullet.
Next time, just take a second…maybe?
Just found a black thong tucked inside my bedsheets that I knew didn’t belong to me so I called my husband over to ask wth that is. So anyway funny story… turns out a thong looks a lot like a face mask.
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) July 17, 2020
10. It’s over!
And you know why!
My husband brought home unfrosted Pop-Tarts and now I have to file for divorce. We had a good run.
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) July 13, 2020
11. You’re either one or the other.
So go find that special, opposite person.
There are two kinds of people. The ones that pack six days before a trip, and the ones that wake up day-of and realize they need to do a load of laundry. And they marry each other.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 12, 2020
12. I heard you!
Wait, what did you say?
80% of marriage is repeating yourself.
I SAID 80% OF MARRIAGE IS REPEATING YOURSELF.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 2, 2020
13. Are you even listening to me?
Now you know what it’s like…
My daughter asked me what marriage was like and I nodded and said that sounded great. Then she asked me if I was even listening.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 7, 2020
14. You clearly haven’t been paying attention.
Where are you off to?
My wife leaving for Pilates every Thursday morning for the last two years: I’m leaving.
Me: Where’re you going?
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) July 23, 2020
Now we want to hear from you!
How’s your married life going lately? Is your partner driving you crazy?
Tell us all about it in the comments!
