What do you usually do to get your day going?
Drink some coffee? Eat a big breakfast? A quick walk around the neighborhood?
Well, let me give you another idea that we think you should think about…
You’ll laugh, your blood will get pumping, and you’ll instantly be in a better mood.
I think that sounds pretty good, don’t you?
You better believe it!
Go ahead and enjoy yourself! You deserve it!
1. There’s no escape from this plane.
This does not sound like it was a very good idea.
A woman smoked weed in the airplane bathroom on my flight to LA today and when the smoke alarm went off, she flung the door open and tried… to run down the aisle… with the flight attendant calmly pursuing her, repeating "ma'am, we all saw you. And we smelled you."
— Lucy Carson (@LucyACarson) October 18, 2021
2. You better do it immediately if you know what’s good for you.
Trust us on this one. It’s in your best interest.
When yo girl start off a sentence with “when you get a chance” that means she want it done now she just being polite 😂
— DII (@_DEUCETRE) October 16, 2021
3. This tweet is a real bummer.
All kids should have been able to enjoy the book fair!
The Scholastic book fair was such a traumatic part of growing up poor. Like, yes, thank you for making me, a voracious 10-year-old reader, spend an hour looking at expensive books I can’t afford.
— Lil Uzi Hurt 🥺 (@lostblackboy) October 19, 2021
4. They’re in for a surprise.
Let me start from the beginning…
Aliens: We've extracted all of the natural resources on our homeworld and made our planet inhospitable in the process. We've come here to conquer your world and start anew.
Earth: LOL so you're not going to believe this..
— Cole (@ColeVecc) July 12, 2021
5. Hahahaha. This is great.
I wish this conversation was recorded.
I’m just remembering that my second year in America, someone asked me to “validate their parking,” which was my first time hearing the phrase, and after blinking stupidly in silence for a full five seconds I said “Well parking is really hard but I’m sure you did it really well”
— Iva Dixit (@ivadixit) October 15, 2021
6. Don’t ignore your elbows, okay?
You’re making them upset!
my elbow watching me do a full skin care routine on my face pic.twitter.com/VPc1Dwy8H4
— boo (@boopyape) October 13, 2021
7. This is very true.
It can go either way…
if you see a guy with long hair he's either gorgeous or seriously weird and the answer lays in what type of shoes he's wearing
— Kate Turmo (@KateTurmo) January 12, 2016
8. Monica Lewinsky for the win!
Well, at least she has a sense of humor about the whole thing.
an internship at the white house will be amazing on your resume. 😳
— Monica Lewinsky (she/her) (@MonicaLewinsky) July 14, 2019
9. This is actually a great idea.
Are you on board with this, or what?!?!
Website idea: you input the year you graduated high school and the website generates a list of outdated “facts” and concepts you were taught in school that have since been disproven.
— (📜,📜) ɐʍɐƃɐʞɐu ɔᴉɹǝ (@ericnakagawa) December 7, 2020
10. I think more companies should have field trips.
It would build employee morale!
Field trips are wasted on kids. Imagine getting a whole ass day off work *and* get to learn how an old watermill works.
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) September 25, 2021
11. I remember this, too.
And I guess that means that I’m also old…
Just saw that Titanic is available on Netflix.
When I first watched Titanic it was on two separate VHS tapes because it couldn’t fit on one cassette.
I am old.
— “Full blown, four-alarm holiday emergency” manager (@UntamedEMG) October 3, 2021
12. Why can we not get rid of these things?
I just don’t understand it…
I love that there was a period of time when it was like 'grrr someone should fix these robocalls' and then they never really did and now we just don't answer phones anymore
— Lord Businessman (@BusinessmanLego) October 12, 2021
13. This is a real mind-bender.
Can’t the government just do our taxes for us?
ok so I hired an accountant to do my 2019 taxes and he fucked it up. I got a letter from the IRS that says I owe a lot of money. Sucks but ok, I owe it. My question: if the IRS knows how much I owe WHY DONT THEY JUST TELL ME AND I WILL PAY IT?!?!
— michael cruz kayne (@CruzKayne) October 14, 2021
Now it’s your turn to make us laugh.
Share some funny tweets with us in the comments.
We’d love to hear from you!