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Parenting—the most rewarding role you will ever play. Only, you won’t know that until you’re done and the kids are out of the house with families of their own.
In the meantime, you’re wondering if you’ll make it through until their bedtime (another hassle that needs its own tweets). Fret not, friends. You’re in good company. Parents all over the world are right there with you in the trenches.
In fact, Twitter has the proof. Scroll through these 14 tweets that will make you laugh until you cry…and cry.
1. Also a first rule of cooking.
Me: What's the first rule of cooking?
4: Don't put your hands in your butt.
Me:
4:
Me: Correct.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 13, 2019
2. At least she knows which foot is whom.
None of the parenting books tell you that your 2 year old will name her feet Tommy (R) and Omar (L), yet here we are.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 20, 2019
3. I can just call you back…please?
[parents on the phone]
It's going ok PLEASE DON'T LICK HER idk if we'll be able to WHO SPILLED WATER ALL OVER THE FLOOR go eat lunch with you GET OFF THE TABLE i'll txt you later OMG IS THIS POOP?! bye.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) November 12, 2019
4. Smells like bestsellers to me.
Parenting books there should be:
-Life After Lice
-There’s a Turd in the Tub, Now What
-This is the Day You Remember the Grocery List
-How to Read Your Teen’s Emojis
-Finding Inner Peace and Your Child’s Shoes
-How to Start a Successful Carpool— Jessie (@mommajessiec) December 16, 2019
5. I hope he at least chose quilted.
[texting son]
17: my gf wants sanitary napkins in pink packaging, I can't find them
M: send a pic, I'll help
17: pic.twitter.com/DqnJ2jVRTc
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) January 14, 2020
6. I’ll take her around next year!
my daughters version of trick or treating was asking every single person if they had a puppy she could pet and then sitting on each porch for five minutes petting their dogs and honestly it’s a good version
— everything is not ok (@dimestorenerd) November 1, 2019
7. Psssh, 2 year olds.
My 2 y.o. talks a lot of shit for someone who can literally be picked up and placed wherever we need him to be.
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) September 17, 2019
8. How do they learn this stuff so fast?
my 4 yo can run his tablet like he's a mini Bill Gates
when i was 4 i was literally outside eating ants.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 16, 2020
9. Perfection.
The only perfect phone call I ever heard was when one of my kids was a toddler on his play phone:
"Hello?"
"Puppies!"
"Goodbye."
— Ryan Teague Beckwith (@ryanbeckwith) January 16, 2020
10. Urp.
I asked my 5yo to spit out his gum before bed. He said it wasn't gum.
"What is it?"
"Toenails!"
Goodnight folks. Sleep well.
— Kris (@Articulate_indy) January 16, 2020
11. This girl has a future!
My 6yo hacker daughter has discovered that she can use her Google mini to control her brother's Google mini in his room.
I just had to scold her for messing with him by remotely playing random music that he hates, just to troll him
I'm not ready for this.
— Accidental CISO (@AccidentalCISO) January 3, 2020
12. Whoo. Great workout, everyone!
My children were pretending to lead a workout class, and one of them stopped and yelled “tater tot break” and this is a fitness trend I can fully embrace.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 15, 2020
13. Every night.
kids:
kids:
kids:
kids:
me: it's bedtime
kids: ok hold on we have to build a house, write a book, perform surgery, travel for business, can you cut my nails and also [projectile vomitting]
me: MF!!!!
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 16, 2020
14. Kids are mean, even the sweet ones.
Me: You know, one day you kids are going to get too old for me to read you stories. What am I going to do then? I love reading you stories
6yo: *gives me hug*
Me: I guess one day you might have kids of your own and then I can read them stories
6yo: No, daddy, you can’t
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) January 16, 2020
So, tonight, when your youngest gets out of bed five times for a drink of water and a discussion on the meaning of life, take heart. Parents throughout your time zone are dealing too. Remember, though, they grow up fast. Don’t wish it all away.
And, in case you didn’t already know, your precious angel will need four pieces of posterboard at approximately 9:00 p.m. tonight. Assorted colors.
