I really have no idea when somebody is into me.
Once a girl was sitting on my lap unprompted at a bar and it took me a solid 10 minutes to go “wait…is she trying to make something happen here?”
So, obviously, I need some help from Reddit.
People who are good at flirting, what are some social cues us oblivious people should watch out for? from AskReddit
Let’s see how we can heighten our radar for this sort of thing.
1. Gotta have the basics first
All the advice in this entire thread and I’m sitting here like, I’m so d**n oblivious I wouldn’t even notice these things looking for them.
I really don’t pick up social cues at all though
2. Can I be any more obvious?
One time I got the courage to look at someone in the eyes and said “I need one of those hugs that turn into s**.”
He laughed haha said me too then continued talking about what we were previously talking about.
I thought about running face first into a wall
3. Be observant
It really depends on who you’re talking to. My advice is to be observant. Some, would prefer banters.
Usually, when coming up with something witty, they return back what you said but relating it in a playful or opposing manner (i hope you get what I mean) or playfully challenging your views.
When it comes to touch, subtle touch on the arm or shoulders or patting the head and smile.
Trying means to be with you is also a sign, but some are a lil more low key (like me), that’ll probably prefer showing a playful side when it’s just alone.
So, it is also a sign if they change their aura from normal/serious to playful when it’s just you alone.
I hope these help.
4. Don’t be dumb
Take it from me, we were in a club she wanted to go to, she was checking the girls out and asked which one I liked. I told her the girl with the hair to one side.
Now get this, dumbass me NOTICED she put her hair to one side, but thought nothing of it. I’m sure she sent out more hints and cues, but being a guy with poor self worth, I brushed it all off, there’s no way she’s in to me.
I was so wrong, it took one of her guy friends telling me that she hasn’t shut up about me all night to realize that, hang in, she does??
Long story short, if you think there’s a chance, don’t be a dumb**s and wait for luck to punch you in the face like it did me, take the chance, even if you’re convincing yourself she isn’t in to you, she probably is!
5. Mirroring body language
This is a tactic employed by people who work in sales and it’s not always conscious. This is a psychological disarmament tactic we, as humans, deploy on each other. In the case of someone who likes you, while interacting, watch for repetitious patterns and mimic their body language.
Eventually, if you cross your arms and the person who’s attention you are seeking does the same, for example, you can rely on that being a good sign.
That’s not to say you need to reposition or fidget while interacting; remember, being comfortable and at ease is a way bigger turn-on and ultimately lends itself to a more approachable experience for all parties. After all, “acting natural” is the penultimate jedi mind trick 🙂
6. Take it all with a grain of salt
Everybody’s social queues are different. Some maybe more extreme than others.
So don’t take stuff from this thread as the actual truth. Some people are just really friendly.
7. It depends on context
It depends a lot on the person.
From my experience in places like bars/clubs it’s kinda obvious if they are flirting with you.
But in more daily places you have to look for hints like excess of compliments or if they look at you too much.
8. The list
Not good at flirting but somehow got a boyfriend xD. But here are the things my boyfriend told me he saw in me:
Close contact, mimicking movements, eye contact, laughing at jokes and even physical contact.
These are only a handful of the things to look out for, but hope it helps.
9. Are they doing these?
Eye contact… who breaks contact first or are they constantly looking around or behind you
Physical touching… try touching the arm or leg and look for their response like did they back away or shift or did they move closer to you
Smiling… are they smiling at you or frowning
Then the obvious, them making physical contact, mentioning future plans together, talking about sex/kissing at all, winking at you
If you feel like suddenly you’re gelling with someone really well…
…you are spending a lot of time together…
…if they pay you compliments freely and go out of way to be kind or helpful…
…then they are probably putting in the effort so that they can f**k you.
11. You’re on the right track
Girls will lock eyes and play with their hair or touch their forearm… laughter… touching you…
You should never read this signs and think its a done deal, but it means you may be doing something right.
12. It’s about “plausible deniability.”
Flirting didn’t click for me until i heard it described not as a set of behaviors to look out for, but as an escalation of suggestive behaviors couched in plausible deniability.
Put practically, if someone is doing something to engage you that feels extra (lots of touching, looking at you in a way that feels a bit to long, or doing a lot of poking fun and complimenting you), then that might be flirting or it might not. That’s the whole point. Plausible deniability. They can safely disengage at any time.
If you want to know if someone’s flirting, you need to test it. You do that by escalating things, but just a bit, so that now you have plausible deniability (touch them back in a comfortable way, maintain eye contact, or joke-compliment them back). If they escalate back and continue to do so as you escalate in turn, that is flirting.
Eventually one of you will break cover and do something with clear intent (a kiss, an approach + ask for a number, or straight up telling them what you think of them and that you’re interested). Otherwise, if you escalate and they don’t change their behavior or they back off, then they were probably just being friendly and you should take the hint and do the same.
Dunno if that’s something obvious to people, but it was definitely not for me, and college parties would have been way less fun had i not known. Hopefully this can help someone else too 🙂
13. The ol “hand on the headrest”
I remember going on 9 dates with a girl who “just got out of a long relationship and just wanted to be friends” to which I had said “cool, let’s just hang out then”.
One night she was dropping me off at my place after a movie.
Turned the car off, put her arm on my headrest as we chatted before I got out.
I was fully in the mindset that we were just friends, so I. Shook. Her. Hand. Goodnight.
14. Watch out for these!
They make a lot of eye contact.
They are interested in what you have to say and ask you lots of questions.
They laugh at your jokes, even the lame ones. They initiate physical contact.
They try to find space where you can talk more privately (this does not always mean s** but it often means they wish for more quality time with you).
15. Physical contact
Granted, not everyone flirts the same way but a good sign is if they touch your arm (or the like) or you find them smiling the whole time that you’re talking to them.
16. The “hang back” test
If you’re in a group of friends (new or old), find a natural opportunity to hang back.
Someone who’s interested in you will notice and take the opportunity to talk to you in private.
Now this isn’t full proof but it’ll at least give you the opportunity to feel for any chemistry between you.
17. Checking in
I read once that if someone looks at you after someone (doesn’t have to be you) said something funny and everyone is laughing, they like you.
From personal experience, it’s true
18. There’s no silver bullet
Generally there’s no one thing that gives it away. Everyone says to look for eye contact, look at posture, look for mimicry, etc, and sure there’s some truth to that but no one should be expected to keep track of all of those things and not everyone exhibits any particular one.
In my experience, almost everyone can get a sense that someone is into them, but most people second guess themselves until they convince themselves it’s nothing. I say trust that sense. It’s based off all of these factors that we pick up consciously and subconsciously, and almost always it’s not a coincidence.
When you think someone likes you, you can test that theory in a few ways. A subtle but effective example is inviting them to something you know they can’t or don’t want to attend. If they express interest in rescheduling or finding some other way to spend time with you, they like you. Otherwise they’ll just say no, sorry I can’t make it. This works because you’re showing interest in spending additional time with them (this event would be more enjoyable for me if you where there) and if they like you they will be sure to make it clear that they are saying no to the event, not to you.
Of course, you could also just ask. In my experience anyone worth getting intimate with is mature enough to deal with that question.
19. The slight gasp
When I patted my classmate on her back and shoulder telling her she would past her history test and not worry.
She gave a slight gasp and looked straight into my eyes.
20. The bad joke test
Seriously tell a bad joke – look for laughter and smiles that should not be there but are.
Then it’s you they are into, definitely not what you said.
21. Direct eye contact
When you’re in a public space, the direct eye contact (for a beat or two too long) and the look away.
One of my go-to moves that always yielded results.
22. No s**t, Sherlock
According to Sherlock: licking lips, eyes cast down towards the other persons lips, quirky smile of the lips, dilated eyes. And if the person has long hair, tucking it behind their ear or other fidgety behavior.
Please note I’m not Sherlock and I suck at flirting
23. Don’t assume
When a person is making relatively sensual physical contact, please, and I mean PLEASE get flustered, or at least mentally flustered.
Do not ignore them because you’ve known them a while. Do not pass it off as jokes, look for some signals. You’ll regret not doing so.
I’ve never been oblivious, but God d**n have I missed hints before
24. This one’s practically a whole book
People will give a lot of cues subconsciously, also some actions are flirting for some but just being friendly for others too
Pay attention to their eye contact with you compared to others, if one has small amount of eye contact with others but a lot with you, generally it means they’re comfortable with you
Physical contact is usually big for people who aren’t already touchy, people will generally be more touchy with those they like
When in a group and everyone’s laughing, people generally look at the one they’re most comfortable with first, or the one they like, could be either or both
Action imitation is big, if you think someone is into you, do an action like hands in pocket or something, if they copy, they probably like you, or are paying serious attention to you for some reason
If they laugh at your dumb joke, either they like you, or the joke made them uncomfortable, depends on the situation
Playing with hair is one that can mean something to, but some people also just do that alot anyway
Really I’d say some things can be a good tell more often than not but sometimes those actions can just be them being friendly, unless it’s blatantly obvious it can be something else, that’s why the communication or the risk of asking someone is important
25. Are they flustered?
When someone is usually composed in conversation getting nervous and mixes up word when talking with you.
For example, I met a girl and her friends (who became my friends too) the night before her birthday, I didn’t speak much to her but when we were departing I wished her a happy birthday for tomorrow, she replied “you too” then got all flustered as she left the train.
I watched her on the platform get teased by the friends.
26. The adjustment
I’ve noticed that women will do a little adjustment to you, like brushing off a little piece of lint off your lapel or moving a stray hair off your face while talking to you.
At least they did back in my rogue days.
27. Listen close
Body movement or the way u speak.
It tells u a lot about the person on whther they are nervous or confident and they usually change the way they speak when they are flirting like the voice.
Take a look at your text. And see if they try to use the same emojis or same words as you do.
They could even mirror some of your mannerisms if you meet up.
Well at least that’s what i tell myself hahaha
29. It’s a sign!
The touching, if we touch your arm it’s a sign.
If we make direct eye contact frequently it’s a sign.
If you catch us sneaking glances, a sign.
If we text you or make an effort to try to be around you and alter part of our daily schedule etc. to be near you, it’s a very very big sign!!
30. Maybe this?
Unwavering eye contact. The suspect will look at you in wonder and awe.
No eye contact. Some people have extreme social anxiety, if they remain to talk to you but seem closed off, its most likely that they are shy and need some more comfort
Now get out there and flirt!
What’s your best flirting advice?
Tell us in the comments.