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I have to say, one of the things I’ve never experienced in my life is witnessing a wedding that quickly spiraled out of control.
But hey, I still have some time, right? Heck, maybe it will even happen at my OWN wedding one day! That’s something to shoot for…
How would you ruin a wedding in five seconds?
Here’s what AskReddit users had to say.
1. As easy as that.
“Claim the bride is pregnant with your child/you are pregnant with the grooms child.
And have 4 seconds left to spare.”
2. I’m sure this happens more than we think.
“In the middle of the ceremony stand up, interrupt the officiant, and publicly propose to someone else.
This is exactly what happened at the wedding of an ex-girlfriend I went to. We were still friends and she insisted she wanted me there, her friends and family hated me, it was awkward.
Then the little brother of the groom saved the (my) day by using his best man speech to bring his girlfriend up and propose to her on the podium, blocking where the bride was sitting.
3. I didn’t think of that…
“Pastry Chef here.
I used to do a lot of wedding cakes, and would have to move them to wherever the couple wanted it displayed.
I always had a fantasy, if I ever decided to quit, walk out, to purposely drop the cake in front of the wedding party and act like it was an accident, and just burst out in tears and storm out, never to be seen again.
So to answer your question. Destroy the cake. Or sh*t on it or something if that’s your style.”
4. I’d like to see that.
“Bribe the organist with cash to play “The Phantom of the Opera” theme as the bride comes down the aisle.
And then yell “You’re welcome!
And then run out of the place.
5. Might not go over very well.
“Take off my pants and start doing the helicopter with my d*ck.
I bet that would do it!”
“Yell “whore” when the bride walks down the aisle.
My Mum did something similar at my brothers wedding.
She stood up at the “does anyone know a reason why they cant be wed” part and shouted.. “they cant get married because the bride is a whore…”
You could have heard a pin drop before the bride burst into tears and my mum screamed as my dad dragged her from the room… it was certainly memorable!”
7. Got it all planned out.
“Show up wearing a large, elaborate wedding dress, propose to the best man, cry HARD when I don’t get an immediate yes so my makeup runs.
Spit on the bride, grab and kiss the groom, and run away screaming about how flat the earth is.
For the visuals, I am a 36 year old man.”
8. Throw a wrench in things.
“Quietly stand up and stand next to the bride as she walks up to the altar.
Straight face and everything, and refuse to sit down for the entire ceremony.
If nothing else, it’ll make everyone question who’s getting married to who.”
9. That doesn’t sound good.
“At a reception, my wife and I were on the dance floor and I reeeealy had to fart. I figured I’d do it while the music was loud. I stood back a little from her and let it rip the very second the DJ lost power. Everyone looked our way and saw me looking at my wife. They looked at my wife. She ran off in a huff.
Then I still had bad gas and was looking for a place to let it rip. The hall had some bay doors to a balcony, so I backed my *ss out the doors and blasted *ss. I turned around to close the doors and saw the bride and groom were out there having an alone moment that I just farted on.”
10. It never happened.
“Destroy the paperwork.
It’s not official without it.
The wedding basically didn’t happen.”
11. That should do it.
“Confess my hidden love for the bride and threaten to kill myself if she doesn’t leave with me.
Gotta talk a little faster.”
12. Throw them off.
“Send in my very pregnant niece to glare at the groom.
Point at her belly and say, “You see this, Derrick? This is our son! How can you be marrying this whore when our son is due in three weeks???”
I’m a horrible human being.
13. A real sicko.
“Anything can be ruined with a strategically placed poop.
Ceremony: drop one on the Altar
Reception: curl one out on the head table
Honeymoon suite: have you ever had the surprise of a man jumping naked from a cupboard and defecating on the new bed linens? Trust me, nobody is getting laid after that.”
14. Run for it!
“Bring a dozen rabid ferrets and let them loose after throwing food near the bride and groom.”
15. Not a bad idea…
“THE PROPHECY COMMENCES, THE ANTI-CHRIST’S FUTURE PARENTS ARE BEING WED.””
16. Here’s a true story.
“True story: I attended a cousin’s wedding about ten years ago. He is originally from London (now living in the states). His London crew are really good guys and they like to party a lot.
Anyway, his best man gave a speech that I will never forget. When he got up to speak everyone in the room could easily tell that he was sh*t faced. Just fully sh*t faced loaded. About three minutes into it, he made a crack about how the groom had the childhood nickname of “Butt Head James”.
He proceeded to say, “and I have this to prove it.” He proceeded to turn around and drop his pants. For a moment, we all saw his white boxers which has printed on it the groom’s face across his *ss however because he was sh*t faced, he pulled it all down (unknowingly) and did a pretty solid ten seconds of self *ss slapping.
Luckily before he turned around the groom shot to his feet and pulled the boxers/pants up.
Needless to say, it certainly took the wedding in a very weird place.”
Now we want to hear from you!
How would answer this question?
Tell us all about it in the comments!