Parenting is difficult no matter how you put it. It doesn’t just change a couple’s life, it also changes their relationship.
One mom confessed that her husband hides in the bathroom, usually when her twin babies need them. She mentioned that the couple are both on parental leave so they can adjust to taking care of their children. She posted about the problem on Reddit’s famous AITA thread, and people became heavily invested in the issue.
Twitter commenters also had a heated debate about the issue.
— Am I the Asshole? (@AITA_reddit) January 8, 2020
Reddit user FinalWintersEve explains:
AITA for turning off the wifi when my husband camps in the bathroom for extended lengths of time.
My husband and I are the parents of twins who are less than a year old. Anytime my husband SHOULD be doing something with the children ( it’s his turn for a diaper, a bottle, even just soothing a fussy newborn) he ALWAYS goes to the bathroom first. We are both on maternity / paternity leave currently.
My husband is on medication that makes him spend a lot of time in the bathroom about an hour after a meal. It’s a medication he has been on and off several times over the past year. He is never on it for more than a few weeks, and it does not effect him all the time, but he always claims that is why he is in the bathroom. ( I did ask, the doctor didnt say it was impossible, but highly unlikely. Doc wanted him to come in for a checkup if this was the case and husband said oh it’s not THAT bad and refuses to go in )
I would rather let him use the restroom first than have to put down a baby mid task, but over the past couple months he has been spending more and more time in there. He always takes his phone. He is always watching youtube. His average session is 25 minutes in there, often longer, rarely shorter.
It’s the most frustrating when it comes time to feed them ( one of the twins needs to be held specifically for health reasons, so I can not double feed ) because we will get up, I will warm up bottles, change one baby bum, get the first one fed, burped, and laid down in their crib, get the other baby changed and be setteling down to feed baby number two before he can be bothered to emerge and figure out why one child has been screaming because they had to watch their sibling eat l, and then the other when cry when they dont get to cuddle at all because I have to immediately set them down to feed the hysterically sobbing child.
Yesterday was a week and a half sence I started truly keeping track, and he, only twice in 10 days, not ditched me to go camp out in the bathroom and let me finish %80 of the childcare.
Today I started a new rule. If he is in the bathroom for more than 10 minutes, I flip the wifi off. He has not spend more than 15 minutes in the bathroom at a stretch today, but is extremely upset. I feel like the fact that without the wifi his uncontrollable toilet issue cleared up rather quickly proves why it needs to be done, but he feels I am being unreasonable, and I need to make sure sleep deprivation isnt makeing me an asshole.
TLDR: AITA for turning off the wifi when my husband is in the bathroom for extended periods of time, avoiding domestic and fatherly duties.
Some people were on her side.
If with the WiFi he’s pooping for 25 minutes and without the WiFi, he’s not … that proves it’s not a bathroom issue, but an avoidance issue. Dude is using, and exaggerating, his medical issue to get out of parental responsibilities and putting it all on you, then getting upset.
— The Lamityville Horror: Awake at 5AM!! (@AnxiousPenman) January 8, 2020
Yet another Twitter user supported her.
NTA. Dude spends most of the day unburdened by anything, working on his cars and playing Diablo… and somehow *only* needs to poop when called in for childcare every couple of hours.
Dude should be letting you catch up on sleep
— Rico Suave // BLACK LIVES MATTER // (@ElSuavenero) January 8, 2020
Others said she should leave him.
A man who uses paternity leave as an excuse to have days off it’s not a good man at all it is to spend time with your children and take care of your children. What an excuse for a man !! If he doesn’t grow up I would leave !! You’re doing it practically on your own anyways!!
— Dev (@DevonCristinaxo) January 8, 2020
Some people felt the couple needed communication.
Both. YTA because you said "today I started a new rule." Talk to your spouse. I'm not sure if he is shirking duties or not, but this relationship feels more mother and son than wife and husband. Punishing him isn't going to magically turn him into a better father. TALK.
— Kevin Weaver (@kpweaver27) January 8, 2020
Most people were supportive of the wife, but it’s clear that there’s a lot we don’t know about the couple’s day to day life.
What do you think? The comments section is waiting for your opinion!