Are you ready to get weird?!?!

Imagine this scenario…your dog is basically your therapist and knows all your deep, dark secrets…we’re talking about the REALLY DARK stuff.

And suddenly, they have the ability to talk! Uh oh…this could be bad or it could be good.

So what would you do in this scenario?

Let’s get weird with folks on AskReddit!

1. You need to get over this.

“We could sit down and have a discussion about how claw trimming is NOT the most terrifying thing in the world.

I promise.”

2. Oh, no!

“Rename him “Old Yeller” and take him for the longest short walk of our lives.”

3. Time to party.

“F*ckin celebrate.

My dog is a godd*mn genius dog and she’d be be down for all kinds of mischief.”

4. I will never leave you.

“Explain to him how much I love him and tell him that I’ll never leave him. He has severe separation anxiety.

I’d wanna comfort him and tell him that he’s my world and even though I leave once and a while for work I still love him.”

5. Boring!

“I am so boring.

I would ask it what it has against squirrels and try to persuade it not to bark when my wife is trying to sleep and I’m watching something on my laptop.

The days of my deep secrets were over by the time we got her. *sigh*”

6. Could get dicey.

“My dog loves me a lot.

However, he is absolutely convinced I will abandon him any day. He would probably just complain to everyone else how he carries the relationship and I am just not as invested.

Lots of trash talk, but none of it true and certainly nothing I would worry about. Though he may ne disgusted by my active s*x life and trash that too.

He is a really prudish dog.”

7. Two different stories.


If it’s my old man doggy, I would cry uncontrollably. He’s been having a lot of medical issues and it’s been exhausting and frustrating so I would just want to communicate to him that I love him and that we’re doing everything we can and to please stop pooping at the vet’s office every single time.

If it’s my Great Dane, I’d have an honest to god discussion about him getting into trash cans and begging, as well as explaining that he needs to start being nice to other dogs all the time.

Not just when he feels like it. I’d also ask him why he stopped wanting to sleep in my room.”

8. A real dummy.

“My dog is so stupid, he would tell me all the dumb sh*t he’s planning on doing before he does it.

“Oh I see you accidentally left that candy bar on the counter mom. Don’t worry, I’ll eat that for you.”

The he’ll be all surprised pikachu face when I put it away hahaha. I don’t think he gives a f*ck about telling anyone my secrets. That’s all human nonsense to him.”

9. Best friends.

“My dog loves me, she’s sleeping by my feet while I write this.

Firstly I’d just want to thank her for helping me through a dark phase of my life and prevented me from harming myself. She also has helped me get healthier, I say I take her out for walks but in reality she takes me out for walks.

But I need to also know why she slowly walks under shrubs and bushes and goes into a trance??”

10. Keep him quiet.

“Buy as many dog bones as I could so he wouldn’t talk.

It’s been me and him since I was twenty.

I’m twenty eight now and I have made many mistakes that he has been a witness too.”

11. You know it!

“Crack a few beers, sit down for a few hours and listen to my dog’s story!”

12. It’ll be fine.

“I’m pretty sure she’d keep my secrets. I’m her fifth home in her relatively short life and she’s here to stay. I think we have a pretty good relationship.

Lord knows she hears a lot of privileged health information though. I work on call hospice and tend to talk to myself while doing paperwork. I live alone and pretty sure a regular dog can’t violate HIPPA.

If I explained to her that talking about all the work related stuff she’s overheard meant that I would lose my job and ability to provide chicken jerky, I’m sure she’d keep quiet about that much at least.

Now I love my cats but I think the tomcat would sell me out. It might be an accident though. He’s not the brightest animal I’ve ever met.”

Oh boy…now we want to hear from you.

What would YOU do if you suddenly found out your pooch could talk?

Talk to us in the comments!