Older people LOVE to baffle the younger generations with their quirky sayings and one-liners. And hey, don’t laugh, because that’s going to be all of us sooner than later. Trust me on that one.
And we should appreciate it and embrace it, because it’s actually a lot of fun and these sayings have obviously stuck with us for one reason or another.
AskReddit users shared their favorite old-fashioned sayings that they’ve grown accustomed to hearing. So listen up, you whipper-snappers!
1. A popular one.
“My grandma always liked the phrase “out gallivanting”, as in “you wouldn’t be so tired if you weren’t out gallivanting all night.”
2. Oh, Dad!
“Every time my Dad would fart he’d say “There’s a kiss for ya.”
3. Classic mom quote.
“me: “what are we having for dinner”
me: “well, what kind of food”
mom: “the food that you eat”
4. Feel free to use these.
“I recently wrote down all of the weird things my older family members say. I never dreamed I’d be able to share it with the world two weeks later.
Shaking like a dog s**tting peach pits
Darker than 3 feet down a cows throat
Slicker than snot on a doorknob
Flatter than piss on a pine board
Handier than a spare dick
Happier than a pig in s**t
Does Pinocchio have a wooden dick?.”
5. Staying out of it.
“If my dad didn’t want anything to do with something he’d say ‘not my monkeys, not my circus’.”
6. Beauty sleep.
“When my mom’s going to go to sleep she says “It’s time to do what I do best.”
7. Mobbed up.
“My 104 yr old grandma who was a vaudeville actress in the 20s and married a guy in the mob in the 30s would always say as she left, with a wave, “See you in jail!”
8. The honey bucket.
“Grandpa was a dairy farmer, whenever a manure truck “honey bucket” went by or we drove by a freshly fertilized field he’d take a deep sniff and loudly proclaim
“MMMMMM SMELLS LIKE MONEY!”
I still do that to this day and it confuses everyone.”
9. All good choices!
“S**t fire and save the matches.
Sweatin’ like a whore in church.
Colder than a witches tit.
Slicker ‘n s**t.
Finer than frog hair.”
10. Words of wisdom.
“Be decisive. Right or Wrong, make a decision. The road of life is paved with flat squirrels that couldn’t make a decision.”
11. Granny wasn’t playing.
“My grandma liked to say “help, murder, police!” anytime anything when mildly wrong.
But if you told her something went wrong she’d always say “tough s**t.”
12. Hang on tight!
“”Hold on to your bippy!” when making some risky driving moves.”
13. Two solid entries.
“”Want in one hand and s**t in the other and see which fills up first”
“It’s not the cough that carries you off it’s the coffin they carry you off in”
14. An American classic.
“Let’s blow this popsicle stand!”
15. Take care of those nuts.
“That really frosts my nuts. My dad says this in place of grinds my gears.”
16. One of my favorites.
“If you’re looking for sympathy, you’ll find it between sex and syphillis in the dictionary.”
17. He was a weird one.
“My dad used to say “you’re nosey for a cabbage” to a question he didn’t want to answer.
When I started doing the same, he’d reply, “I ain’t half as green as I am cabbage looking”.
And one uncle always used to ask all us cousins “if it takes a man a week to walk a fortnight, how many apples in a barrel of grapes?”. Weirdo.”
18. I’m a fan of both of these!
“It’s hotter than a hooker’s doorknob on payday.
Or when my mom was pissed at someone she’d say, “I could snap his/her neck like a stale breadstick.””
19. Describing the ladies.
“She’s red on the noodle like a pecker on a poodle” referring to a red haired lass.
Or “that’s the kind of gal that could make you write bad checks.”
20. Funny men and bulls**tters.
“I come from a long line of Southern Funny men and bullsh**ters. I’m not sure how far back these go, but I know at least 4 generations.
-My Pappaw after eating my Mom’s broccoli casserole and mac n cheese at the holidays: “I’m going to have to put a screen door over my a**hole to keep the rats out.”
-Pappaw the day after said holiday dinners: “That s**t went right through me like a dose of sauce through a goose.”
-My great grandpa when someone would talk too much: “Sounds like a bell clapping in a gooses a**.”
If I asked my Dad when I was little where my mother went: “She went up a hog’s a** to get a ham sandwich.”
21. Loosen up.
“Dad, describing someone whose clothes were way too tight:
“Ten pounds of potatoes in a five-pound sack.”
22. Get it together!
“Put your brain in gear before your mouth in motion”.
I remember how often that was used on me.”
Well, that was a fun little trip down memory lane, wasn’t it?
I know all of you out there have some good material like this!
Tell us some of the funniest old-fashioned sayings that you’ve heard in the comments. Let’s compare notes!