We all get the first date jitters, right?
Do you want my advice on how to avoid them?
Never go on dates. Boom. Problem solved.
But if that’s not enough for you, you may want to take some notes from this Reddit thread.
Here are some things to NOT do if you want your next big night to go swimmingly.
1. Try too hard
Try too hard to impress the other person.
Try to find out about the other person instead.
Interest is s**y.
Bragging is not.
2. Order the soup
Well, don’t do what I did: order the French onion soup. This was a lunch date and I’m not sure what the h**l I was thinking ordering something that both makes a mess (all that melted, stringy cheese) and gives you bad breath.
My wife still gives me c**p about that boneheaded decision to this day.
3. Doin’ a dump
Don’t dump out every single unappealing thing about your life on a first date. There is plenty of time to get to know someone, and plenty of time to be honest about those things – but a first date isn’t the time for it. I feel like sometimes people do this as a defense mechanism, to “rip off the bandaid” and test if someone will accept them completely – but it is far too much all at once and creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of rejection.
As an example: on a first date, a guy disclosed to me he’s living with his parents who are homeless and refuse to move out of his apartment so almost all his income goes to them, he has zero s** drive, and he struggles with severe body image issues.
He also had plenty of great qualities, and if I’d had a chance to slowly get to know him we may have been able to navigate around some of that stuff… but honestly it was way too much to process all at once.
I also have my own family/medical/mental health s**t to deal with too – I just didn’t dump it all on him in one day – so all I could think about was how much of his s**t he was asking me to take on, and I didn’t even know him.
I ended up not accepting a second date, then watched him post about how women won’t give him a chance on social media… I felt bad because he’s a really nice guy and he’s absolutely sabotaging himself with that first date etiquette.
4. Be a flat earther
This serious happened to me.
This guy I met online seems okay. We went on a date and he started asking “those type of questions that make people fall in love with you”. Idk if you know what I’m talking about.
If that didn’t weird me out enough, he went on and claimed that we worked for NASA and they lied to everyone. The earth is flat and those images we saw of earth are CGI renders. The US never landed on the moon and conspiracy s**ts like that.
Needless to say there was no second date. –
5. Be late
I know it’s such a boomer thing to say, and I never care about punctuality in any other context.
But for a first date specifically, every minute I’m waiting is a minute my insecure **s is wondering if I’ve been stood up.
6. Overthink it
Be yourself and focus on having a good time. If it doesn’t workout that’s ok.
You’re not trying to get that person to date you, you’re trying to find a good match.
7. Leave them stranded
I stopped at a gas station with my date to get some gas while she went to get some snacks one late evening.
For whatever reason, my brain was on autopilot and I just drove home leaving her behind at the store.
When I arrived I was really tired and immediately went to sleep.
The morning after, I noticed her cellphone (which was dead) was still in my car.
Being too embarrassed to confront her, I just left the phone in her mailbox and never talked to her again.
8. Miss the train
Me, my mother and 4 relatives were at a 5 day vacation at Ashram, where there are 1000s of people. So, there was a 5 day yoga and deep meditation workshop which we had enrolled in.
In the first four days of workshop , there was silence meditation in which we don’t have to talk with anybody. All the events , activities, lunch hall was communicated to us by teacher and there were no major problem.
On the second day I found a very pretty girl and it was love at first sight. I gestured her to take my photo with the ashram temple at background. That was our first encounter.
Later that day when i saw her, I opened my phone’s notepad and wrote “I like you” , showed it to her and she smiled back. Her reaction was priceless.
We chatted on my phone one 2 messages and I asked for her number and I got it. I was so happy.
Fast forward to 5th day, the day when silence of 4 days is broken. At the lunch buffet we saw each other and talked for first time. Then we went on a long walk and talked for 2-3 hours. I brought her cadbury and some drinks and we were enjoying the aesthetic scene of the place. My phone was dead from the morning and I had no clue what time it was. I was really enjoying her company.
Then out of nowhere i saw my mom , I ran towards her, so that she doesn’t notices the girl. Immediately I got two heavy slaps from my mom. We had to leave and were late for train. It was such a embarrassment in front of the girl.
And that was the last time we saw each other in person, cause we both live in different state . We are still friends on social media which is nice.
Moral of story : keep a watch on time when you are on a date.
9. Air your dirty laundry
Had women confess things like active drug addiction, horrible family life, ex bfs who went to jail for stabbing people, sociopathic tendencies, serial cheating, a shoplifting habit, constantly getting arrested, etc.
Funny thing is, I’ve been more accepting of people’s baggage if I’ve been able to get to know them.
When you dump your baggage on the first date and I don’t even know who you are, all I have to go off of is these negative aspects.
10. Be too down on yourself
Talk bad about yourself/be insecure/talk about how you’re shocked the other person agreed to go on a date with you/fish for compliments/anything like that
11. Go on a rampage
Complain/rant about people you know, I’ve always felt it made myself or the other person come off as an a**, just keep things positive
12. Dwell on your ex
In my experience it’s a big red flag that they’re not over someone or carrying that baggage.
And I mean everyone has baggage – it’s normal. I have some and expect the people I’ve dated in the past to have some.
But a first date should be about exploring each other and whether you like the person, are attracted to them, want to continue getting to know them.
You can mention previous relationships but unless both parties have known each other during previous relationships – do not vent or over explain your exes.
13. Eat off their plate
Once had a dude grab some of my food off of my plate with his bare hands. He was trying to do a cutesy sharing food thing but it was a poached egg.
He grabbed a poached egg with his bare hands right off of my plate.
Please do not be like that guy.
14. Getting hung up on the drive
Speaking as a woman who dates men: getting offended if she doesn’t want you to pick her up/drive her home.
Basic safety there and you look like a creep even if you were just trying to be nice.
Offering is fine– but don’t push.
15. Go to the movies
I think going to the movies should be reserved for people in relationships.
Because if you go to the movies on the first date you’ll practically have wasted two hours watching something, not being able to talk and get to know each other.
16. Stay on your phone
Put it on vibrate and don’t look at it except when you go to the bathroom. I walked out on a date because she was constantly replying to messages.
They did not take it well.
– [deleted user]
17. Show up wasted
This guy was obviously drunk or on some sort of drugs. His date was being so polite but was clearly uncomfortable.
Her server managed to pick up her signals and when she got up to “go to the bathroom” he ushered her to our service elevator to make her getaway. After about 15 minutes he let him know his date had left, he seemed surprised, then a bit upset, finally confessing that it was the second time this had happened to him this week.
I kind of felt sad for him in the end, dealing with addiction is tough.
18. Talk about the divorce
If you know the person you’re dating is divorced, don’t ask about it on the first date.
Not a fun thing for them to talk about.
You’ll learn about it eventually if you end up going on more dates.
19. Break her nose
My now husband hugged me the way Lenny petted rabbits.
He was happy to finally meet me in person after online relationship, was a virgin, and thought harder hugs mean more love. They do not.
He still apologizes when it’s brought up, lol.
20. Ask about their fetish
Some guy asked me that out of the blue while I was staying at a friend’s house and emotionally recovering from a tornado destroying my house.
He knew this.
I avoid him
21. Trust too fast
If it’s through a dating app and you don’t know the person you should never be too trusting and share too much.
It’s best to spend some time with someone to get to know them first.
I think especially goes for women but applies to men as well.
22. The no-no list
Whine about your ex.
Bring up something that a reasonable person would recognize as “controversial”.
Use your phone.
Get too drunk.
Be rude to the service staff.
23. Hijack the conversation
Keep it going and listen to them.
Avoid the big issues on a first date.
You are trying to feel each other out, not start a debate.
So: Politics, religion and her (or him) can be shelved for other dates or conversations.
By her/him I mean exes, divorces, late partners.
24. Talk about your ex
Went on a date with a guy once who talked about how his ex was the love of his life and he’d never love anyone as much as her.
He also proceeded to say that “at our age” (we were 23 lol) that if you weren’t dating for marriage you were wasting time, and that’s why he was so excited for our date because he could see himself marrying me.
I recommend doing neither of those things. Shocker but we never married.
25. Go to dinner
If it’s going badly you’re not going to want to be stuck there with them.
Make it a beverage meet at a nice place near somewhere nice that you can walk to — if you both want the date to last a while longer. Somewhere you can interact with each other.
26. So much winning
Try to win someone over.
If they don’t like you, they don’t like you and trying to force something especially on the first date will most likely not end well
27. Don’t do this
Don’t go without eating because of nervous gut.
Don’t drink too many beers because you need liquid courage.
And finally, don’t accidentally massacre their bathroom because you’ve only had beer to eat that day.
28. Skip the check
Either guy or girl, I would expect you to offer to pay.
I (22M) always insist on paying, but it is really nice to have someone who doesn’t feel entitled to a free meal.
The check game is a real thing for me at least, even though I plan on covering it.
29. Count the strikes
Went on a date with a girl who counted strikes against me. a Bad joke, strike 1. Greeted another girl I knew that we ran into during the date, strike 2.
It was on strike 2 that I went “well wait a second how many strikes do I get?”
And she said “in baseball you get 3, so you get 3 strikes.”
and I go “how many do I Have so far?”
and she goes “two”
so I said “ok” and I got up and left without saying anything, never saw her again, no texting, nothing.
As you drive us back from the restaurant to your place, don’t pull into a graveyard and point out your dead boyfriend’s grave.
//yes, this happened to me. and, yes it was creepy as f**k.
Just avoid all of that and a bunch of other things and you’ll be fine.
What else do you think you should stay away from in a date?
Tell us in the comments.