Kids literally say the darndest things! Their innocence and precocious nature can drop a parent to the floor laughing.
These 12 tweets will have you crying with savage delight and brighten your inner child soul!
12. Chance the Rapper would be proud
I think these lyrics will revolutionize the rapping raps!
My daughter just wrote a rap song about me called ‘When her husband goes out she just eats Salmon’. I am now officially even less cool than I had previously suspected.
— Georgia Tennant (@georgiaEtennant) February 26, 2019
11. The ugly truth? Or the bitter lies?
Probably both, right?
Kid in my son’s class explained to me that she was sure he has two moms because he has “the pretty mom and the other mom.” She described each to me in some detail.
Reader, both are me.
— Aubrey Hirsch (@aubreyhirsch) February 9, 2020
10. This girl knows her worth
I AM EVERYTHING NOW!
that’s a kid with her third eye wide open pic.twitter.com/xuBYIrHEbo
— 🦋 (@yusufjoestar) January 18, 2020
9. I’m not crying, you’re crying
Okay, we’re both crying? Is that how this works?
My brother made a cute fake passport at school today & cAN U ALL JUST 😭 pic.twitter.com/dNaS0E3HRC
— ˗ˏˋ ᶻᵐ ˊˎ˗ (@ZarinaMuhammad) May 3, 2019
8. Lentils down!
I would pay good money to see a kid do this. Because we’ve ALL wanted to do this.
Just witnessed a child in a zero waste shop yell ‘LENTILS’ before opening the lentil pipe and allowing them to gush forth. Chaos. Lentils everywhere
— Bobby Palmer (@thebobpalmer) January 8, 2020
7. Oh, crap
You meant the adorable kind of Pooh. Got it.
My son asked me
"Where does poo come from?"
I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest explanation.
He looked a little perplexed, and stared at me in stunned silence for a few seconds and asked, "And Tigger?"
— Zack Riley 🇦🇺 (@ColdHeart_Prj) January 2, 2020
6. A little more training, dad
It really does make a difference in how much you love the kids.
My daughter’s new thing is to yell from across the house “DO YOU NEED A BEER?” and then travel to our downstairs mini-fridge and trek back. Usually, she does not grab a beer. Just now, it was a LaCroix. But I appreciate the effort.
— Patrick Klepek (@patrickklepek) February 27, 2020
5. Say, wha??
This is a surprisingly accurate statement, tho!
I still think about that three year old who I sedated for an MRI and when it was done she said
‘wrap me up like a burrito and SHOW ME MY BONES’
— Omnintensivist (@GoodishIntent) July 30, 2019
4. Dracula lives in us all
She’s not wrong, though!
lmaooo i was explaining menstruation to my daughter and i told her most women make extra blood every month in case they need to grow a baby. she said “babies are vampires” and i was like pic.twitter.com/PFNtCngpZ8
— CeciATL (@CeciATL) February 27, 2019
3. Inquiring minds need to know!
How does she afford the membership?
[watching Tangled with my Daughter]
Daughter: do you think Rapunzel buys her shampoo at Costco?
Me: I mean-I do now.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) February 27, 2019
Oh… your son dragged you GOOD.
I took my son to the doctor because he had a fever last night. Dr asked what it was and 10 fronted me out, “Oh she doesn’t know the number. She used her therMOMeter. You know? Kiss on the forehead and then she said oh, you have a fever.”
Dr. nodding his head, “Accurate.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 28, 2020
1. Jackets make potatoes too hot, dear
I mean, this is really an accurate depiction of potatoes, though.
my three year old niece ordering the jacket potato then crying when it arrived because she thought it was a potato wearing a jacket was the highlight of my night like
— maisey (@maiseydavisonx) September 28, 2019
Gotta love the innocence in these tweets! I wish I never lost that wit. But, alas, we all grow up and those hilarious thoughts of our youth turns into real thoughts about money and responsibility.
And so the cycle continues. Endlessly. Forever.
But hey… enough about the stunning drudgery that is life… let’s talk about comedy!
What about your kiddos? Share your best kid stories in the comments!