Here’s some good advice for all the readers out there: we want you to enjoy these tweets and we want you to laugh…but we also want you to be safe.
And we want to warn you in advance that you might fall out of your chair because these tweets are so funny.
So I’ll tell you what: sit on the floor, on the couch, on your bed, or somewhere where you won’t fall too far because we don’t want you to hurt yourself when you most likely fall over from laughing.
1. I never thought about it this way…
This is a pretty good point.
I love food trucks, but I don’t know if I trust a restaurant with a getaway plan.
— Erik Bergstrom (@Erik_Bergstrom) September 30, 2021
2. Good thing you don’t have to deal with that!
You can just do you today. ALL DAY!
Today is my 9 year wedding anniversary!!! Luckily, I don't have to do anything really special for it, because of the whole divorce.
— Justy Dodge (@justydodge) September 29, 2021
3. You seem a little bit bored.
I’m right, aren’t I?
I just sighed so deeply that zoom asked if I wanted to unmute my microphone
— Nat Towsen — next show 11/4 (@NatTowsen) September 29, 2021
4. That’ll really get on her nerves.
And that’s the whole point, right? Let’s get real…
If your AM phone alarm going off doesn’t upset your wife enough, make sure the PM one seals the deal
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 21, 2021
5. I’m right there with you.
Stupid people make life interesting! And I’m one of them!
i like being stupid because it means i’m always impressed by movie plot twists
— anna ? (@TRAlNTOBUSAN) September 11, 2021
6. Yeah, I don’t need to read those.
I think we all know people like this, right?
You should be able to filter out the 1 star Yelp reviews that are like “my SERVER refused to accommodate my 13 person party at 8pm despite the fact that I CALLED AHEAD and TOLD them I was a NIGHTMARE”
— kylie brakeman (@deadeyebrakeman) September 16, 2021
7. You’ve done it before.
And so have we!
Another childhood pleasure that has 0 explanation pic.twitter.com/KA4WQdj9hs
— ✪ (@OhTeeHo) October 21, 2021
8. Hello! Over here!
Don’t forget about them…
My elbow watching me do a full skin care routine on my face. pic.twitter.com/aaKAkz1zkp
— ɐɟǝ (@iAfe_) October 22, 2021
9. Anything else you want me to do?
Give those ears a break, will ya?
Me: *wears glasses, facemask and hoop earrings*
My ears: Yo? Should I carry your bag too?
— ? (@3dLooks) September 29, 2021
10. This guy has his act together.
I want to learn from the best…meaning him.
Finally, someone is putting the "party" back in "search party." pic.twitter.com/D6IOVnSyvA
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) September 30, 2021
11. Maybe not the best idea?
Just something to think about…
is it because u put an orange up there pic.twitter.com/5TwBFGFhUE
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) September 30, 2021
12. We’ve been lied to this whole time!
And I’m not gonna take it anymore!
has anyone ever noticed that’s not a seal at all. it’s an eagle. pic.twitter.com/iu47eXwMFU
— taming fred savage (@FredTaming) September 30, 2021
We hope you didn’t fall over…
But we do want you to make us laugh!
Share some funny tweets with us in the comments! Let’s do this!