Alright, everyone, it’s time to take a look at even more hilarious tweets about that beautiful institution of marriage.
You know exactly what I’m talking about: that thing where you spend all your time and all your money with that one special person who just completes you in every possible way.
Okay…none of the above is really that accurate.
What I actually meant to say was that marriage is about bickering with your spouse for hours on end about doing the laundry, taking out the trash, and mowing the lawn.
Good times!
Are you ready to laugh at some very funny and very accurate marriage tweets
Let us begin…
1. What, that’s not okay?
At least you’ll be on a sugar high.
My wife: Have you eaten today?
Me: Yup!
My wife: That's great! What did you have?
Me: An entire family of Sour Patch kids.
My wife: Nope.
— lucy bexley 🧃 (@bexley_lucy) May 14, 2020
2. This is great!
You only have to deal with it for another 40 years.
If I had to pick my favorite thing about marriage, it would be my wife scolding me for doing the same thing I watched her do only 5 minutes ago.
— Your Favorite Gay Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) May 12, 2020
3. I think I’m gonna be sick.
Annnnnnnd, I just threw up…
My husband is cooking something with fish sauce and it was making me nauseous so he lit a candle and now it smells like fish sauce and a Hollister
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) May 12, 2020
4. I love you, baby…
And these things really don’t taste good.
There was one mozzarella stick left so I told my wife she could have it because I love her, and they tasted funky.
— Dan Regan (@DanRegan_Comedy) May 16, 2020
5. Hello? I’m right here!
You shouldn’t have said that out loud.
Me: This whole lockdown is making it very hard to find my soulmate.
Husband: I’m sitting right here.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 11, 2020
6. This is getting ugly.
The great Toilet Paper Wars of 2020.
Dear husband: why do you rip off too much tp and hang the rest on top of the roll instead of just not taking too much to begin with? pic.twitter.com/aHA8jaTvLD
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 15, 2020
7. Things are very tense in this household…
Gonna be a long summer!
I just asked my husband what he’s up to today and he responded “none of your business” so quarantine is going well
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) May 16, 2020
8. That’s a real power move.
How did she let that one go?
Im not saying your marriage isn’t strong, I’m just saying I brought home ice cream with raisins in it, and she let it slide.
— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) May 14, 2020
9. Why do some people do this?
It’s like an addiction that can’t be cured.
Even when food is heaven on Earth
my husband adds hot sauce till it tastes like satan.
— Teri Daniels (@bylinetd) May 7, 2020
10. She’s not gonna win this one.
You gotta do you, good sir.
Wife: What’s burning?
Me: I’m making a grilled cheese
Wife: You know you’re supposed to use bread, right?
Me: I’m going low carb
Wife: That’s an entire block of cheddar
Me: PROTEINNNNNN
— Son of Dad (@ThugRaccoons) May 6, 2020
11. A fun little game you like to play.
I find this rather infuriating.
My husband has his headphones on so I like to start talking about every 10 minutes so that he has to take them off to hear me only to have me say, nevermind it wasn't that important.
— The Evolving Arm (@leftarmisme) May 15, 2020
12. Oh, nothing…
Meanwhile, you’re dying inside…
Me: *grimaces*
Wife: What's wrong?
Me: *remembering something embarrassing I did when I was 9* Stubbed my toe.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 9, 2020
Ain’t life and marriage just grand?
Now we want to hear from all the readers out there.
In the comments, share something totally annoying or ridiculous that your spouse did lately.
Maybe they didn’t clean out the cat’s litter box for a month. Maybe they drove the minivan through the garage door on accident. It could be anything.
Give us all the dirt!
