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It seems like every day, people on Twitter find a new topic to viciously debate. Recently, it’s been emotional boundaries. One user posted a thread advising people to check in with their friends before dumping bad news on them, but their advice was not well-received. Quite the opposite—it’s being viciously meme-ified.
Twitter user @YanaBirt shared a screenshot of a text in which they ask someone: “Are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you?”
They captioned the tweet with further information. “I just want to say, a lot of y’all dump information on your friends at the wrong time without their consent. If you know it’s something that could hurt them, ask permission before you decide to be messy. Please.”
The intention here is definitely positive. But a lot of people vehemently disagreed with @YanaBirt’s choice of phrasing.
I just want to say, a lot of y’all dump information on your friends at the wrong time without their consent. If you know it’s something that could hurt them, ask permission before you decide to be messy. Please. pic.twitter.com/L3jWGni1FW
— yana (@YanaBirt) November 29, 2019
The criticism mostly centered on the cold and foreboding tone of the text message.
Researcher Melissa Fabello also suggests that friends should request permission to vent because of the limits of emotional labor.
I want to chat briefly about this text that I received from a friend last week: pic.twitter.com/cfwYx3tJQB
— Melissa A. Fabello, PhD (@fyeahmfabello) November 18, 2019
She goes on to say:
But here's why that text was really, really important:
(1) It acknowledges that I have limited time & emotional availability.
(2) It asks permission to vent, rather than unloading without warning.
(3) It notes the content of the conversation, which could be triggering for me.
— Melissa A. Fabello, PhD (@fyeahmfabello) November 18, 2019
And more points on the topic:
(4) It gives me a clear sense of the expectations for the conversation.
(5) It gives me an opportunity to say yes, no, or to counteroffer (e.g., "I'm busy right now, but I'll call you later tonight, if that works?").
— Melissa A. Fabello, PhD (@fyeahmfabello) November 18, 2019
Finally, she shares a solution:
PS: Someone reached out and asked for an example of how you can respond to someone if you don’t have the space to support them.
I offered this template: pic.twitter.com/lCzDl60Igy
— Melissa A. Fabello, PhD (@fyeahmfabello) November 19, 2019
Many people are arguing online that if you got one of these text messages, you likely wouldn’t be able to think about anything else until you found out what the hurtful information was, so the idea of saying “no” is not even on the table.
It’s also framed as a yes/no question but in reality the possibility of “no” as an answer is not realistic. Once you dump that question on someone, even if they are not in the right headspace they kind of have to say yes or else deal with the anguish of an unknown horrible thing.
— JustaWoman (@petitlarcenous) December 2, 2019
“I will absolutely NOT be in the right headspace after receiving a message like that,” one person wrote.
“Sending me this is ten times worse for my emotional labor capacity than just telling me what you want to talk about,” another said.
“I would literally start crying if I received this message,” a third said.
Checking in before dumping horrible news on someone is a good idea, but this? Is not it. Anyway, onto the memes!
1. Remember when?
Mr. President, are you in the right headspace to receive information that can possibly hurt you right now? pic.twitter.com/r2e2s3Nmf3
— the prince with a thousand enemies ♂️ (@jaketropolis) December 2, 2019
2. Uh oh… don’t say it…
https://twitter.com/bayoulejeune/status/1201550232548331520
3. Time for some emotional destruction…
Currently working myself into the right headspace for emotional pain. Feels awesome. Feels powerful. If you love me, I am ready for you to destroy me. Crumple me like paper. Shatter me like glass. I am begging you to ruin me. I want this. I am ready. This is my headspace.
— ben obrien (@benfobrien) December 2, 2019
4. ALWAYS back up… always.
ceo: the ransomware has taken over our entire system. when was our last off-site backup?
sysadmin: are you in the right headspace to receive information that could possibly hurt you
— Cain Maddox (@ctrlshifti) December 2, 2019
Gotta love Twitter for combining serious mental health talk with memes 24/7!
Which of these did you find funniest? Let us know in the comments!
