When you make the decision to get married, there’s a lot to consider—or at least there should be.
One Twitter user under the account handle @cxkenobxkerry, offers her twenty musts for discussion before getting hitched, so you can avoid problems down the road.
Have you considered these?
1. Remember your finances.
1. Talk about DEBT
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
2. Are you both in it for the long haul?
2. FULLY and WILLINGLY committing to one another. No “im not sure” and “what if’s” and “its not the right time.” you are either in or you’re OUT.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
3. What about kids?
3. When/how many kids yall want (adoption? are one of you infertile? etc.)
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
4. If you have medical issues, now is the time to reveal them.
4. Talking about STDs. Get checked. Seek medical help/informed professional knowledge. Keep those tests up to date and find ways to do so even within the marriage.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
5. Make sure you want the same things at about the same time.
5. Talk about your 5-10 year timeline regarding career/education. Can you move? Willingness to relocate? etc.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
6. Spirituality is important, too.
6. Levels of religiosity. Openness to growth? Lack Thereof? Do you share fundamental CORE beliefs about life? VERY important.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
7. If you’ve got emotional issues, now is the time to deal with them.
7. Anger managements issues: do one of you struggle? Are you in therapy for it/taking it out on others? Seek help, bc it will destruct you and the future and the children….
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
8. Act with your instinct in mind.
8. Energy. Does it match? you decide. Follow your gut
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
9. We don’t think clothing matters that much, but it can’t hurt to address.
9. CLOTHING: it may seem like a small problem but small things eventually ADD up. Make sure your expectations MATCH one another to full comfort.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
10. It may be uncomfortable, but discuss it anyway.
10. Sexual compatibility. Not going to go into details, but yall need to be on the same playing field. Consent wise, willingness to try things, traumas, etc… figure it out.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 23, 2020
11. How will you both handle future issues?
11. Finances: how do you intend on splitting bills? Gender roles? Taking the parents in during old age? etc.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
12. Age ain’t nothing but a number.
12. Age doesn’t matter too much. In my experience it’s about the person & what their world views are. If you are young, make sure the person you’re with will allow you to keep growing at your own pace and in your own way. It’s called respect.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
13. Lay down some ground rules.
13. Opposite gender boundaries. Set what’s okay. What’s not okay. Hugs/handshakes/etc. I know it sounds tribal & trust should be there but you’d be surprised what people’s boundaries are. Better to know than not know
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
14. What is your stance on privacy?
14. Social media: believe it or not, people WILL break up over this. Some prefer privacy. Some not. Get on the same page or you’ll be clowning on one another.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
15. Savings and spending—talk about them.
15. I mentioned this before, but SAVINGS. How much do y’all have earned & combined? How much is your intended salaries? Is it sustainable? Apartment? House? Condos? Etc. speak futuristically if it’s not smthing u can afford right now. Get on the same page.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
16. What are your relationship deal breakers?
16. What is cheating? Entanglements? Define your breaks? Breakups? Etc.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
17. Define abuse to your partner.
17. Physical and verbal abuse: what is and isn’t considered abusive language and decorum? Seek help, please. Professionals can always step in.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
18. Death need not be a taboo topic.
18. What are your dying wishes? Burial proceedings? What if one of you becomes paralyzed? God parents? Uncertain events? Death? Speak it. Speak on all of it.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
19. Change your mindset.
19. Importantly, LOVE is not what keeps relationships going. An active commitment to LOVE, despite the downfalls, keeps it going. Get out the princess-king happily ever after mindset and you’ll be fine
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
20. Don’t focus on the superficial stuff.
20. I want everyone to notice how I failed to mention level of education, family or tribal background, ethnicity, job level, & all. It’s because none of this matters in the long run. Trust. you ain’t a good person based off superficial attributes.
— dilet dunya et noori chashmet rahat e jaanet ✨ (@cxkenobxkerry) July 24, 2020
Her list went viral, as people mostly agreed with what she had to say, but some said they didn’t like the last statement she made—those things were important too.
It sorta matters yes, it may seem like it ain’t important, but it creates a lot of tension b/w both parties in the long run, one of them might even feel lesser than the other bc of this.
— ╮(╯▽╰)╭ (@brokelivinindxb) July 24, 2020
But to most commentors, everything was common sense.
How does anyone even decide they want to marry someone without talking about all of these things?
— ValSmash (@valeriemiria) July 25, 2020
Someone also added that a significant others’ familial relationships were important. (They are!)
One thing you should probably add in here. How does the person treat their family and how do their family treat them. This is a good indicator for how you will be treated in the future.
— Who designed the back-flow valves for your body? (@JHWH81774977) July 25, 2020
Finally, at least one reader asked for help.
thank you, I’m sending this to my soon to be fiancé ❤️
— egg head ?? (@yagirlnoor___) July 24, 2020
What did you think of this list? Let us know in the comments below!
