Anybody out there can curse use dirty language to insult someone, but you have to be clever to make someone feel humiliated without using swear words.

It’s an art form!

So, what’s your best insult without swearing?

Let’s get funny with folks on AskReddit!

1. Hahahahaha.

“Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.”

2. I’m gonna use this.

“I don’t have the patience or the crayons to explain this to you.”

3. If you’re down south…

“Bless your heart.

This one is so underrated.

Having moved rom the north to the south I had no idea it was an insult until I lived there a couple years.”

4. All good ones.

“He has the agility of road kill.

Sharp as a pancake.

As smart as cat litter.

Couldn’t hold a conversation if it was in a paper bag.

You have the skills of a rock.”

5. That’ll show ’em!

“When you were born, your parents threw away baby and raised the placenta instead.”

6. It hurt…

“Working in a bar, people used to ask how my day was. Normally I’d respond with “just living the dream!” Somewhat sarcastically.

One day dude comes in and looks at me dead pan and says “dream bigger”. And just goes back to his menu.

Not gonna lie hurt a bit.”

7. Don’t get married.

“Out to lunch with co-workers, the conversation turned to marriage.

“If we were married, I’d kill you”, said the office manager to me.

“If we were married I would kill myself.”, was my reply.”

8. Not too remarkable.

“Out of all the people I’ve ever met, you are definitely one of them.”

9. Oldie, but a goodie.

“If you were any smarter you’d be stupid.

I heard my dad say this once like 30 years ago and it’s been my favorite ever since.”

10. Not very nice.

“”Hey, you been going to the gym?”


“Didn’t think so.”

Actual conversation with a former supervisor. I was the one who said no.”

11. Try them out.

““Thank you for showing me what not to do in my life.”

Or, “wow I didn’t know broken condoms make broken children!””

12. Stop breathing.

“You are a waste of good oxygen.”

13. You dummy!

“Isn’t it dangerous to use your entire vocabulary in one sentence?”

14. A great one!

“Some kids were dropped on their heads as babies.

You must a have been thrown against a wall.”

15. Not up to you.

“When someone is single and they say something like, “I’m single by choice!”, just say “yeah, just not YOUR choice.””

16. Take that!

“In a world full of soup you would eat with a fork.”

17. Sorry about that…

“I feel bad for the person that had to wait nine months for a kid and it was you.”

18. Well, the holidays are now ruined.

“A fun one for the Holidays:

I believe in Santa more than I believe in you.”

19. This one stings.

“You are one of those people who would be enormously improved by death.”

20. That should make you feel terrible.

“Mister Rogers would be disappointed with you.


Even Bob Ross would think you’re a mistake.”

21. That hurts…

“I bet your parents change the subject when their friends ask about you.”

22. Yes!

“I once asked a girl, “Where have you been all my life?”

Her response was, “I don’t know, but I wish I was still there.””

23. Burn!

“You’re a conversation starter.

Not when you are around, but once you leave.”

24. Head the other way.

“If you were the light at the end of the tunnel, I’d turn back around.”

25. This will bother them.

“Calling them by a characteristic or article of clothing they are wearing.

Whatever you say haircut. Or sure thing sunglasses.

It will bother them long after the comment.”

26. Harsh.

“I envy the people who have never met you.”

27. Yeah!

“I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.”

28. Ouch!

“I’d call you dumb as a rock, but at least a rock can hold a door open…”

29. You’re a total drag.

“”I wish for just one time you could stand in my shoes—you’d know what a drag it is to see you.”

Not mine, but still good.”

30. I can’t wait!

“I’m genuinely excited to never interact with you again.”

31. Get away from me!

“If I throw a stick, will you leave?”

32. This is good.

“I stole this from Triumph but I love this one:

“If you’re here, who’s home disappointing your parents?””

33. Not too bright, are you?

“You are the reason why shampoo has instructions.”

34. You’re being missed.

“Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of an idiot.”

35. They’re gonna feel bad after this one.

“I don’t like you very much. I’m only nice to you because no one else likes you either.”

36. You’re not so special, you know?

“You and I will rot the exact same way when we’re dead.”

A favorite in dealing with entitled people.”

37. All mine.

“I don’t know that it actually counts as an insult, but I once had to deal with this *sshole who repeatedly told my girlfriend that he was in love with her and she should leave me for him.

He messaged me once to say that he was a better man than me etc… I just replied “while you’re laying awake thinking of her, she’s laying awake thinking of me.”

38. Feel free to mix it up.

““You would have been better as a stain between the bedsheets” or any variation of it.”

39. Where’s your mom?

“My mother always told me to be nice or be quiet.

I presume you’ve not heard from yours in years?”

40. A waste of air.

“Somewhere, a tree is crying because it worked so hard to make that oxygen you’re wasting.”

Do you have any great insults you like to dish out that don’t involve swearing?

Talk to us in the comments!

We’d love to hear from you!