Some tweets clearly just come from the heart.
Not because they’re sappy or emotional necessarily, but because they just come from a very true and deeply, dumbly human place.
Such tweets should be treasured and loved, and treated (tweeted) with the respect they deserve.
That’s why we’ve gathered a bunch here, for your reading enjoyment.
10. Pipe snake
How did nobody catch on to what that guy was up to all these years?
plumber: i've come to do the pipes
salazar slytherin: make sure they're big enough for a giant snake
salazar slytherin: no reason
— Kandarp Gupta (@Lock_nd_Load) September 8, 2019
9. New high score
I love that this tweet has somewhat revived the use of “ah, beans.”
Nurse: you scored a 25/27 on your mental health questionnaire.
Me: so that means I’m good at mental health, right?
*Crisis Counselor enters room*
Me: ah, beans.
— Claire Dayton (@idreamofpunk) November 26, 2019
8. Not to be rude
These are just scientific observations, you can love ’em or hate ’em but don’t blame me for ’em.
i don't wanna be rude, but i've gathered enough info in my life to know that people who like chunky peanut butter like to be choked during sex
— Three 6 Mafia Enjoyer (@Veltrida) November 13, 2018
7. Stay far away
“I saw Goody Proctor with the devil!”
“Oh man, could you write down some directions?
Town Priest: The witches that control the woods are evil.
Girl: What do they do?
Priest: They aren't heteronormative or patriarchal, do lots of drugs and have sex with each other.
Girl: Omg, what specific parts of the woods are they in, so I can avoid them extra hard?
— Tulok the Barearmsian (@tulokthe) February 22, 2020
6. Knowledge thus far
“Now go forth and use this as a basis for absolutely everything in certain educational circles.”
PhD student, c.2020:
Here’s a limited argument I made based on years of specialized research. Hope it’s OK ?
Philosopher dude, c.1770:
Here are some Thoughts I had in the Bath. They constitute Universal & Self-Evident Laws of Nature. FIGHT ME.
— Ethics in Bricks (@EthicsInBricks) February 6, 2020
5. Do the math
You are way too young to be that socially anxious, bud.
I just remembered that when i got my first dog i was 7 and he was 1 (7 in dog years) and i cried when he turned 2 because i didnt think a 14 year old dog would wanna hangout with me.
— Fey (@Trev97) April 10, 2019
4. The two rules
“I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t give me anything to appreciate, thanks.”
My two rules are
1. Never tell me what to do.
2. Please help me.
— shitities (@Noooostalgic) May 31, 2019
3. The proper technique
Hold on, I need to go jot this down somewhere.
HOW TO CUDDLE:
– Dick on butt
– Hand on titty
– Other hand feeding her grilled cheese
— Patrick (@StBoujee) February 4, 2020
I’m thinking of starting a museum of things that suck.
Therapist: literally why do you keep these they’re terrible
Me: they were a gift from my parents you can’t jus throw out GIFTS omg rude
— Louis Chanina, male hysteric ?️⚧️ (@grayestofghosts) February 8, 2019
1. The Magic Pie Bush
An oldie, but an all time classic.
A month ago Dusty found half a pie in this bush, so every day until the end of time we must closely inspect the Magic Pie Bush. pic.twitter.com/XonAojEU12
— Chris Bramwell (@ChrisBramwell) January 9, 2018
Doesn’t it just do your body and soul good? It’s like internet chicken soup.
What’s the best thing you’ve seen on the internet lately?
Tell us about it in the comments. And spare no detail, because we all need a little healin’.