In these unprecedented times, talking about how unprecedented things are is so thoroughly precedented now that it almost feels like we can’t say that anymore. How long does an unprecedented thing go on before you say “ok, now it’s just normal.”
That’s a question for philosophers and poets and other people who have books in their house. Not for me. Mine is not to parse out truth. Mine is to scroll through Twitter laughing at our collective existential despair at 2020.
Here are ten such tidbits that will tickle your sad funny bone.
10. The root of the problem
Let’s track him down and ask him a few questions.
All I know is nothing’s been the same since that cowboy kid yodeled in Wal Mart. He opened the portal to hell.
— Katie O'Brien (@katiecobrien) September 7, 2020
9. Gettin’ wasted
I demand a do-over this instant.
Wasted another year of my life but this time it wasn’t my fault pic.twitter.com/2Jgdv69cgQ
— حنَان (@Hanan17_h) July 29, 2020
8. Formidable foreshadowing
Cough once for yes, twice for dead.
2020 is like a movie because if you see someone cough once, you assume they're going to die
— Matt Nedostup (@nedostup) September 29, 2020
7. Hour by hour
Let’s just be done with that nonsense already.
Can we all just agree not to turn our clocks back when Daylight Saving Time ends? No one needs an extra hour of 2020.
— Leslie Brooks (@Leslie_Annie) September 14, 2020
6. Special times
And there’s a kid and a toy involved in there somewhere.
Looking forward to Hallmark’s holiday offering “A Very COVID Christmas,” when a big city lawyer and a country candle maker accidentally meet when they go to the wrong zoom meeting.
— The Alex Nevil Wears A Mask (@TheAlexNevil) May 3, 2020
5. Couch surfing
Dream a little smaller, friend, we’re not there yet.
last year: i want to travel the world
now: i would like to sit on a different couch
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) September 17, 2020
4. Collective trauma
Nobody’s coming out of this the same.
2015: "I spent all day crying"
"Omg what happened are you okay??
2020:. "I spent all day crying"
"Lol me too haha look at this raccoon picture
— Regina Carpaccio (@ReginaCarpaccio) August 4, 2020
3. The circle of life
We are kind of in a holding pattern right now.
Should we just ‘circle back’ until 2021?
— jessica pilot (@JessicaPilot212) September 30, 2020
2. Seems about right
I would also not have been surprised.
Man if you’d told me last year I’d spend the majority of 2020 alone and miserable, cut off from the world, descending slowly into madness, I would’ve been like “hmm ya, checks out”
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) September 14, 2020
1. True colors
Psh. As if there’s gonna be a 2040.
2040 tweets are gonna be like…
Y’all never had to coordinate your outfits each day based on which color masks you had clean…and it shows.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) September 10, 2020
What does the future hold for us? I have no idea. But I do know this: after 2020, we’re prepared for pretty much anything. Unless it involves baking bread. Turns out we’re all very bad at that.
What’s the weirdest thing about 2020 in your opinion?
Tell us all about it in the comments.