I’m all a’twitter about Twitter. Most of the time.
For as much complaining as I do about it, I still find myself there often, fighting the (good?) fight, seeking out gems, shouting into the digital void and listening to the satisfying echoes.
It’s quite a remarkable place. And probably the best thing about it is the jokes.
Here are ten such jokes to brighten up your day.
10. You know the dryl
More medicines need to take this approach to healing.
Benadryl smart as hell. You can’t have allergies if you’re asleep for 8 hours
— ᴊᴜɪᴄᴇ (@JuiceTooWayvie) June 20, 2020
9. Time flies
But I ain’t gonna be flying anywhere for quite a while.
i have to say, january 2020 me and june 2020 me are very different people.
— tumblrnthreads on ig (@tumblrnthreads) June 23, 2020
8. Channel your frustrations
Weirdly, the ratio of good stuff to awful stuff really hasn’t changed at all.
'We only had three channels, and they used to go off at night' I explain to my son, as I scroll through 14 pages of purely squirrel-based cartoon shows on Netflix.
— cluedont (@cluedont) June 22, 2020
7. Muscle my way in
Sounds like they’re trying to be your weird little wingman?
I was scrolling through Tinder not knowing my kids were standing behind me until I hear 7 say
“Look at the muscle man!”
— Don’t wake me (@MamaBear2_0) June 22, 2020
6. Niche markets
WHATEVER your interests, there is most certainly a video for you.
youtube is wild bc i just watched a dude building and applying decals to a GI joe tank while announcing to his viewers that his wife is divorcing him
— mrs. claws (@kittynouveau) June 21, 2020
5. Father’s Day
Let’s be real though, we don’t really care very much about it on the whole.
Me before kids: father’s day is nothing but a hallmark holiday.
Me now: CELEBRATE FOR THE GREATEST DAY HAS COME! LAVISH ME WITH LOVE AND LET US EAT GRILLED MEAT FOR IT IS MY DAY BEYATCHES
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 21, 2020
4. Blue ribbon celebrations
In these dark times, we’ll take all the joy we can get.
I hear fireworks but I live in New Hampshire so that could just be from someone celebrating their new case of Pabst.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 22, 2020
3. Lives of the uber rich
All that space and your girlfriend is still gonna push you over the edge in the middle of the night.
Imagine putting on the bed sheets and the corner on the opposite end comes off?!!! Gotta Uber to the other side https://t.co/UYT8Y0zEDG
— Dugo (@ElVerdugo5) June 20, 2020
2. What are you, chicken?
Remember when THAT was the great controversy of our time? America is real weird.
It’s crazy how we went from Popeyes chicken sandwiches to this bullshit we call 2020. Life’s crazy.
— Wallows World (@yungbraly) June 21, 2020
1. Share and share alike
Excuse me while I hire a scientist to find me a way to unsay all of that.
When you finish a conversation and realise it was 78% you just oversharing https://t.co/2PFEepsht2
— J (@jLDN__) June 19, 2020
Wherever humanity goes from here, there will never be another place quite like Twitter, with all its wonderfully weird little jokes.
Who are your favorite people to follow there?
Tell us in the comments.