Are you ready to be in a good mood?!?!
I know I sure am! What I’m trying to say is that I could a pick-me-up.
And if you’re in the same boat, I think these tweets are gonna do the trick!
1. That’s not good.
Thanks, Doc!
Me: everything hurts, can you help me
Doctor: nah dude, turns out existing is bad for your health
— The Dick Van Yikes Show (@dickvanyikes) January 3, 2022
2. Totally worth it.
They’ll never know.
Boss: Wow your desk is so clean!
Me: *Having just dumped everything into a drawer to get a good picture of my coffee* Thanks!
— Breaking Dad? (@erichwithach) December 14, 2021
3. What a bummer…
Just don’t tell anyone…
Saying something is “Family Size” feels calculated to shame the single people who eat the entire bag alone
— Emily Murnane (@emily_murnane) January 4, 2022
4. Me, too!
Those were the days…
I’m “DVD special features were really important to me” years old
— Andrew Schiavone (@aschiavone) December 2, 2021
5. I feel this one.
Deep in my soul.
Every morning my 2 year old sits up in her bed and yells “HELP, I WOKE UP” and I think we can all relate
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) December 19, 2021
6. Clean AND green.
You too?
If by clean eating you mean blotting the extra grease off a pizza slice with a paper towel, then yes, I eat clean.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) February 21, 2020
7. Sounds like a plan!
Has anyone invented this yet?
They need a dating app for 40 year-old divorced women looking for a trio of other 40 year-old divorced women who want to just Golden Girl the shit out of the rest of their lives.
— TheMotherOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) March 22, 2019
8. Need some help over here!
Let’s get it on!
It’s been a long day. I need a hug that turns into 3 orgasms and a boozy hot chocolate
— IG: HOEGIVESNOFUCKS (@hgnf_emmers) December 15, 2020
9. One or the other.
You gotta pay attention.
The very cool thing about mail delivery and telephone calls now is that 99% of what you receive are either trash or scams but 1% remain of life-altering importance
— Will ? Menaker (@willmenaker) December 16, 2021
10. I’m on the job.
Maybe next time…
them: you free tonight?
me, watching dateline: sorry i’m working a case
— Adam (@adamgreattweet) December 11, 2021
11. I bet he does!
This is every party I’ve ever been to.
i wonder if the dog at the party knows he’s the highlight of the night
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) December 21, 2021
Have you seen any hilarious tweets lately?
Please share them with us in the comments.
Thanks a lot!
