Boy, am I hungry…
Actually, I should say that I’m STARVING.
Starving for TWEETS, that is!
Are you ready to dig in? Go ahead and take a bite!
1. Don’t trust them.
It’s a trap!
Anyone who waits until the movie starts to begin eating their popcorn is a cop.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 8, 2021
2. Leave them guessing.
The only way to go out.
When I’m on my deathbed imma be like “I letf 40 million in the”… then die 😂😂😂😂😂
— JAYY_ 💅🏾 (@Jaytheofficialx) November 16, 2021
3. You’re gonna be fine.
Nothing to worry about!
I’d def survive Scream cuz he wouldn’t be able to call me. I never answer phone calls.
— Bria Celest (@55mmbae) October 24, 2021
4. Let Scooby speak!
He’s really getting the shaft.
“OK Fred, Velma, and Daphne. Name one of the Big Five game animals in Africa.”
“I know you do, Scooby, but it’s not your turn.”
— Granite Man 🏴 (@GraniteDhuine) June 18, 2020
5. Don’t do it!
You’ll lose…trust me.
Am I…am I about to fight these bagels? pic.twitter.com/DJ6xz1eAJF
— Josh on the Radio (@JoshMRadio) November 15, 2021
6. Do you think the convicts like that?
I bet they don’t…
[first day as a mugshot photographer] ok now let’s try a silly one
— 🦦 Sir Jackothy 6’0” WaterBender 🌊 (@TommyRainFall) November 19, 2021
7. Just a lil’ LOL.
It’s funny, right?
Just ended a text with “that’s why you’ll die alone lol” and that lol has a lot of work to do
— J. McAngry (@JesusMcangry) November 15, 2021
8. She signed up for it.
And don’t tell me any different!
Ariel knew damn well what the contract said that she signed. She yelled “Daddy I didn’t know!” Ursula should’ve told on her fish ass and said “there was a whole song amd dance with TWO examples, what didn’t you know?!”
— Avocado Mama (@HeatherStenwall) June 28, 2020
9. Good pick-up line!
I think it’s gonna work.
“do you have any pets”
[remembers girls like sensitive guys] a cat
“what’s his name”
[remembers girls also like tough guys] missile launcher
— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) July 10, 2017
10. I never thought of it this way.
But you’re right.
Socks are crazy it’s like little sleeping bags for your feet
— Avogadro’s House of Moles (@schumoo) November 6, 2021
11. Always bet on Taco Bell.
You can’t go wrong.
You really want a safe place? Go to Taco Bell. No judgment in there. Want to eat 5,000 calories? Do it. Take a nap afterward right in the booth. One time I saw a lady come in and dump every single hot sauce packet into her purse. No one said a damn thing. That’s how you Live Mas.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) February 27, 2020
12. We need this.
It would save a lot of time.
Every McDonald’s should have a flag that they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is broken 🚩🍦
— monica0321 🇨🇦🌈🏃🏻♀️ (@monicag0321) November 5, 2021
Now we want to hear from you.
Share some more funny tweets with us in the comments.
Thanks in advance!