Kids can be little s**ts, right?

Darn right!

Yes, that might seem a little harsh, but let’s face the facts…

And you and I both know that teachers have to deal with a lot of grief from kids, so let’s hear about the craziest reasons they had to discipline a student.

1. Enough!

“A student repeatedly getting on tables and singing Gucci Gang in the middle of class.

Every. Day. For. Weeks.”

2. Wow.

“Kid was selling c**aine. 13 yrs old. Cops were involved.

Had to go to court. Was a massive headache all around.”

3. Ahhhhhh!

“A kid ate a d**d class fish.

It was Monday so it might’ve been d**d all weekend.”

4. Squaring off.

“Got into a fistfight with their mother outside the classroom door.

I taught in a rough school filled with students punching teachers, stealing air condition units, burning the bus. In this case the mom came to the room because her daughter had taken something, the two got into an argument outside then punches started getting thrown.

This same pair had also gotten into a fist fight with another mother and her daughter a few months prior.”

5. Oh, boy…

“Student was wearing sweatpants that had a hole in it and his p**is would flap out and was visibly noticeable to myself and other students. I’ve had students attack me and say horrible things, but this was the most memorable.

Kid ended up needing clothes, a shower, and a place to do laundry – which the school provided. I remember I tried to get a male staff to talk to him, but at 17 he did not want to hear it, so we had to resort to the office.”

6. Over the top.

“Tossing a chair at a fellow student’s head because they didn’t want to let them cheat.

Then the follow up with the lovely mother who could not grasp that her kid was being suspended and that she would have to pay medical bills.

The other student had a deep gash on his shoulder and I was bruised on my left side from trying to intervene.”

7. LOL.

“A kid handed me a whole string if condoms in front of the class the day before spring break because I was getting married over spring break.”

8. Pretty funny.

“It was the second day of my first year teaching (5th grade). A student refused to do a writing assignment because she said she forgot how to write in English. When I asked what language she knew how to write in, she said, “I only know Japanese.”

Listen… it is plausible a student at my school would be proficient in writing in Japanese. HOWEVER, I had already seen her files. I knew her dad was in a Mexican street gang and that she was being raised by her blind grandmother who was a native Spanish speaker. The likelihood that she knew was fluent in Japanese was a bit far-fetched.

She eventually told me she also speaks Japanese, so I called her out by asking her to say, “I don’t want to come to school today” using her newfound foreign language skills. This 11 year old LITERALLY responded with, “Ching chang chong!”

I sent her to the dean’s office for refusing to work and man, OH MAN, did it work out perfectly. She sat down with the dean who tried to pry more information from this student…

Only for the dean to explain to the student she herself is half Japanese and attended school in Japan. I wish I could have been a fly on the wall when the student heard the dean speaking ACTUAL Japanese to test the students’ knowledge of the language.

The student eventually said she only knew a few Japanese words, which devolved into her admitting the entire story was a lie to get out of doing an assignment. On the second day of school. And lies like this went on allllllllllll year long. So many hilarious, yet equally sad, stories from that year that I still laugh at eight years later….”

9. The junk.

“We were doing sketch comedy in 6th grade a few years back and seeing as it was a nice day we went outside to practice.

From across the field I see one of my students very clearly and aggressively trying to put his junk on a prone classmate. When I asked him, he said it was for his sketch and he was playing a character named “the iron teabag”.

The best was the follow up text from my boss saying “I had to Google what teabagging was before I met with the kid”.”

10. That’s weird.

“Kid in boarding school tried to cook a whole raw chicken with like 5 minutes in the microwave.

A whole chicken.”

11. Amazing.

“Kid dropped a folder full of Xeroxed copies of his hairy a**.

Turns out he had been taping them to people’s lockers all over school.”

12. Student teaching.

“I was student teaching for second grade.

This girl was known to come to school smelling a bit off. One day she came in constantly scratching her head. Nonstop for a long time. I pulled her over and asked what’s wrong. She told me her head won’t stop hurting. She was on the verge of tears. And she was scratching hard. I told her to let me look. She had a massive bald spot on the middle of her head and was also bright red from the scratching as well as a rash.

I pulled over my mentor teacher. We called her mother while writing a CPS report. The teacher was telling the mom that her daughter was scratching her head and wondered if something happened. The mom took it as an attack and yelled that we said she was a bad mom.

My teacher said she didn’t say that and she should come get her daughter and have her checked out. The moms response? “I can’t right now I’m with my boyfriend he’s more important.” And hung up. She called cps and I took her to the office. The nurse checked her out, she had a major case of lice and she also notified cps. She was out for a week.

She came back and I asked how she was doing. She said she’s ok but her mom didn’t want her talking about it. This was about four years ago, no idea where she is or how she’s doing and I think about her all the time.”

What’s your craziest school story?

Let us know in the comments.

Thanks, amigos!