Bringing a person home to meet your family is always stressful.
Will your parents like them? Will your siblings be friendly to them?
It can go a million different ways…and it can get ugly and awkward if your family members aren’t exactly the most open-minded people in the world.
Women, have your family members ever showed any prejudice toward your partner?
AskReddit users shared their stories.
1. Black and white.
“My family is black and my boyfriend is white.
My parents have never said anything about dating a different race and in fact I think they encouraged it, but when the time came around my mom specifically would say things like “they’ll never accept you” “his parents don’t want you with him” “ they’ll talk about you when you’re not there” “ you can’t trust white people” .
All these comments she says in passing and not so overt. He hasn’t met my dad and never had more than one conversation with my mom. I don’t really ever want them to meet.
I’m going on 8 months now this Wednesday with him and hoping these comments from my mom stop soon cause pretty sure I’m going to end up marrying this guy.”
2. Six years later…
“I come from an upper-caste Hindu family and my SO is from a White Christian family.
While my parents didn’t care as long as we loved and respected each other, my Hindu Nationalist grandparents threw a fit when they found out. They had never really interacted with White people or Christians and based all their criticisms on bigoted and outdated Indian stereotypes about White people : “They sleep around and carry diseases”, “They don’t value family”, etc. They wouldn’t even let him in the house when he flew across the world to see them.
On the other side, my SO’s mum assumed that I would be a “submissive” and “quiet” partner because of my cultural background and was worried that we would have an unequal marriage and too many “cultural differences” to overcome. SO and his dad basically laughed at her outdated ideas and she changed her mind after meeting me for the first time.
Six years later, my grandmother still refuses to acknowledge my SO’s existence and we haven’t even told her we’re expecting our first child together. My grandfather carried his prejudice to the grave.”
3. All hell broke loose.
“When I introduced my BF years back, my parents were “surprised” I ended up with him because “he doesn’t come across as an interesting guy, but as they acquainted more, he seemed at least sympathetic.”
They disapproved anyways since he “was not a member of our church denomination”.
Hell broke loose when we decided to move in together before our wedding day.
We don’t speak to each other often ever since.”
4. Had to hide it.
“I hid my relationship with my white atheist boyfriend from my desi parents for over 4 years. When they found out I was immediately estranged and have been on and off for nearly 3 years later.
Their conditions for accepting our relationship was for him to convert to Islam and for us to marry ASAP. As a non-practising Muslim/ atheist who wasn’t ready for marriage and thought it was unfair that my boyfriend had to forget his beliefs for them, I just couldn’t go along with it.
Even though I love my boyfriend lots and knew he would’ve gone along with it, it wasn’t their choice to make, so I stood my ground and said no.
It’s been tough. Really really tough. Not a single member of my family talk to me anymore except my younger brother, who secretly messages me from time to time to check I’m doing ok. I’m pretty sure he’s get in trouble if my parents found out if we were still in touch.”
5. Weird comments.
“I used to date a man in a wheelchair and got some weird comments about that.
Even though he was an insanely intelligent person doing a masters in psychology, with plans to do a PHD and become a academic, there were people in my family who were really patronizing towards him and looked at me weird for being in a relationship with him.
On one occasion I was asked if we were capable of having s**. It was incredibly uncomfortable.”
6. Never gotten over it.
“I come from a Christian family from a country where you rarely see non-white people. My immediate family is luckily very accepting after they got over their initial shock ( “wow he IS so brown”).
My grandparents however never really gotten over that fact that he is not White and Hindu. 4 years in, and to this day I still get questions like “Have they converted you yet?” They also try to give me lectures about how mixed race relationships don’t work and if we ever get married (which is very much the plan) we won’t last long.
As a result I try to avoid talking to them 1 on 1 and alwas try to have someone else with me just so I dont have to listen to how my relationship is not real and going to fail.”
7. Political divide.
“My parents are hard core Republicans and I’m a Democrat.
And my BF is a DEMOCRAT. We actually stayed at their house for 3 months at the beginning of covid, thank god we left before the Black Lives Matter movement.
It’s actually pretty sad because my bf really doesn’t like my parents and he makes comments pretty often that p**s me off. Yes I disagree with my parents beliefs but they are still my parents and have done a lot for me.
I think I’ve told him about 4 times this year that it upsets me when he talks s**t on my parents. It’s a situation where I can talk s**t on them but when someone else does it pi**es me off.
Hopefully my BF can just accept them for who they are. My parents treat him really well and love him regardless of their differences. But to be honest, I forsee this becoming an issue down the line.”
8. Forgot ’em.
“My mom’s side of the family is very Christian conservative. The kinds of Christians who are militantly pro America, pro Trump, etc. you know the type.
I have a black boyfriend of 6 years. No one straight out had a problem (that they’d voice) until I got pregnant 2 years ago. Now that I have a half-black baby they all speak amongst themselves about it. Oh, also we’re not married and don’t plan on getting married. Which they all strongly disapprove of.
So we don’t speak to any of them. They don’t understand why and think it’s because I’m a “flaming liberal feminist” that I won’t speak to them. Sometimes it sucks. Most of the time I don’t care.
They were never much of a family to me, anyways. Just people I would see on holidays and sometimes for dinner a few times a year. F**k em.”
“I’m Hispanic and my husband is Pakistani muslim. When we married it was sudden and it clearly looked like it was for a greencard. My family and friends laughed at me. They all called me stupid and didn’t hold back.
My favorite aunt is so religious, and they were the cruelest. I have always loved my aunt but hearing her call me dumb, my cousins laughing at me, broke me. I took him over to a cookout because I didn’t want him to realize I was hiding him, and when I did my he reached to reach shake my cousins had (who was studying some religions thing) and he completely dismissed my husband.
My grandmother threw a fit (the most accepting one) and told my aunt her and my cousin were not allowed near us for being so ignorant. After that my aunt called me saying she was sorry, that she had all these assumptions about him and they were all wrong. “God made her realize how good he was.”
And maybe like 4 years later, while my cousin was on c**aine (yes the religious one) he told me he was so sorry, that he was being protective and my husband is clearly a good guy and wasn’t using me for a greencard.
I don’t hold any feelings against them, but they understand why my husband doesn’t come around often anymore. On top of that, my husband’s family has no intentions in meeting me!”
10. Had a happy ending.
“I’m white and my partner is Arab. Lots of concerns over how they treat their women even though he’s about as red blooded American as you can get.
Eventually my family got to know him and realized their bias’s and love him for who he is. Not every discrimination story has an unhappy ending or black and white villainy.
Sometimes it’s just about the process of teaching someone why their preconceived judgements about a culture they don’t know much about are wrong.”
“Even if they’re not overtly disapproving, it can still be the downfall of the relationship.
My last partner is an undocumented immigrant, and my parents are pretty staunch conservatives who vote for elected officials with strong anti-immigration and xenophobic policies.
They never knew the specifics of his immigration status, and he told me when we broke up that a part of the reason he felt like we would never work out is that he could not feel comfortable sharing such a big part of his life with them.
It really broke my heart, because it made me feel like no matter how much love, care, and acceptance I have for others, there will always be people who are not comfortable putting up with or taking the time to try to change the minds of my sometimes close-minded family. I often try to help them broaden their beliefs, because I do think they’re good people who have simply been fed a lot of propaganda.
They always tried really hard to be kind and welcoming to him when we would all spend time together, and I don’t actually believe that they would have cared or treated him any differently if they knew. But ultimately, it was his information to share, and he didn’t feel that he could trust them with it.
He felt like their kindness was a facade, and I guess you never really know. All of this is only a small part of the reason we broke up, but I can’t help but wonder if we could have worked through some of the other things broken in our relationship if this had not been such a concrete dealbreaker. It makes me really sad.”
12. Fought me constantly.
“I come from a typical Southern Baptist family. Good, country people. The salt of the Earth. You know the type.
I was also the first person in my family to go to college, and while I was there I met a my SO. He was a long-haired hippie with a sharp mind and sharper tongue. He was studying philosophy and economics, which he loved to explain on our dates. He was so interesting!
He wasn’t perfect, but I felt like he’d lifted some kind of veil from my eyes. He introduced me to so many hobbies and broadened my world view. He encouraged me to say my opinion without holding back. No judgement. Ever. He was also an atheist.
My first visit home after I met him, my parents noticed right away that I was “different”. I was more independent. Louder. Excitable and irreverent. And I didn’t say the prayer before dinner. They hated it, and immediately knew it was because of that boy because I was head over heels and talked about him CONSTANTLY.
They disapproved and tried to set me up with other boys for years until I graduated college. I told them I was moving in with the boy, and they tried every manipulative trick in the book. “He doesn’t really love you.” “What if he beats you?” “He just wants you for s**.” “If he really loved you, he’d marry you.”
Honestly, it was heartbreaking. I understand that they didn’t want to lose me, but I knew exactly what they were doing. I was a strong-willed, outspoken woman now. Not the little girl who acquiesced to all of her parents’ demands.
So, I gave them a piece of my mind, told them that that boy wasn’t going anywhere, and that if they were gonna make me choose, then I was gonna choose the person who wasn’t trying to manipulate me. (I’m an only child, so they buckled immediately.)
They were disapproving of so many aspects of our relationship. We were “living in sin”, I was the breadwinner. He was a househusband. We don’t want to have children. We want to adopt a pre-teen or teen. Every choice I made conflicted with their idea of what a happy life was.
They fought me constantly for 10 years. 10 years of passive-aggressive comments and questions. 10 years of awkward conversations when I brought my SO with me to lunch or whatever.
Then we got married and suddenly they just… accepted it. Like, maybe they finally realized that I was serious about him (as if 10 years of my life wasn’t commitment). They take marriage seriously and started trying to connect to their “new son”. Utter bulls**t if you ask me.
But a lot has happened since then. My dad finally became friends with my husband before passing away last year. Actually, my husband was the last person he called from his hospital room to tell him to take care of me. I think that Daddy passed feeling that everything was gonna be alright.
Hubby has been really supportive to both me and my mom, and Mom is finally getting it through her head that this boy is family. We’re all we’ve got, and we shouldn’t be wasting time with arguments. Especially after all this time.”
Have you ever had an experience like this?
If so, tell us all about it in the comments.
Thanks in advance!