Every parent is different, but I’d venture to say that many of today’s moms and dads have it tougher than they have in a while.
All the social media, the competition, the “keeping up with the Joneses.” Some of this stuff has to backfire, right?
People on AskReddit talked about what “parenting tricks” might actually mess up children.
Check out what they had to say below.
1. Not cool at all.
“Reading diaries or journals, (text messages, emails).
It’s a huge violation of trust and will cause kids to bottle emotions up instead of expression through creativity.
If you think something is wrong or that they are in a bad situation choose to sit and talk with them in earnest.”
2. You’re in charge.
“Having a bunch of kids and having the oldest baby sit the younger ones. It’s putting adult responsibilities on them at a young age essentially destroying their chance at having a normal childhood.
My neighbors did this, 5 turned out okay and have (or are planning) to have huge families as well. The oldest is still struggling to get on her feet at 40.”
3. Stop interrupting!
“Interrupting your kid mid-sentence to correct their speech or call them out on using slang/filler words.
My mom did this to me constantly. I grew up in the 90s when “valley girls” were still big in pop culture, along with the usage of the word “like.” I’d be telling a story or describing something, I’d be excited or getting into it, and I’d unconsciously let a “like” or an slip into my sentence.
She’d immediately interrupt me and bark in this awful mocking voice, “LIKE!! LIKE!! LIKE!!” It was so jarring, it would completely kill whatever excitement I was feeling and I’d be deflated. She’d insist that I continue and didn’t understand why I wouldn’t keep talking after, and tried to explain it as “I’m just trying to help you since you’re not aware that you’re doing it.”
It’s good to be aware of the things we say when we’re on autopilot but we also tend to use filler words when we’re excited, happy, comfortable and feeling safe, really into telling a story, etc… To burst into someone’s speech mid-sentence to “help them” just makes them feel stupid.
It made me feel like she was never actually listening to me, just waiting for an opportunity to pounce. Eventually I just stopped talking to her as much.”
“Using chores as a punishment.
When your kid grows up they will associate many basic adult responsibilities with shame and indignation.”
5. Slow down.
“Overloading your kid’s schedule with extracurricular activities.
Growing up I had something going on every day of the week; sports, scouts, music, church groups, etc. There was rarely downtime at any point in my childhood because my parents wanted me and my sister to not be “addicted to tv and video games.”
Once I left for college, I literally only went to class and then went home to enjoy myself and relax. I didn’t pick up any jobs or join any clubs, ironically when it was the most important time to do all of that.
Adding to the point, if your child is not enjoying or not excelling an extra curricular activity, do not force them to keep doing it. You’re wasting their time and your money.
Find out what they’re actually interested in and try to find a club or class for them to take relevant to that skill, let them explore it, and then let them decide how far they want to continue with it.”
“Not so much a trick, but my parents could be very judgemental about people close to us about stuff that wasn’t such a big deal. They kinda underestimated what a child understands and remembers.
This resulted in me not daring to express stuff I really liked, cause I feared the same judgment. I often wonder how involved I would be in things I am passionate about if I wasn’t so d**n scared to be judged the same way I heard them judge others.”
7. Don’t do it.
Your kid is going to face enough people in their life who don’t believe in them or think they aren’t good at something, don’t be one of them.”
8. Messed up.
“My parents sprayed me with the animals’ squirt bottle when I wouldn’t wake up in time. Extremely demoralizing and makes me furious to this day.
If you’re thinking of having children, treat them like f**king human beings, weirdly makes me feel worthless and like I’m just another “animal” in the house to harshly discipline when i don’t do everything they want.
Also the feeling of being watched like a zoo animal comes along with those…”
9. That’s weird.
“My parents drink like normal people. They have liquor every now and then and they like w**e or b**r with dinner.
But growing up, they raised me to think that al**hol is inherently sinful and bad. Then once I was about 15-16 they started drinking like normal people.
There was no conversation or anything. They just switched from “al**hol is of the devil” to “we’re going to drink every once in a while like normal people”
They did the exact same thing with tattoos.
This messed me up for a couple years because it really rocked my understanding of right/wrong.”
10. Too much pressure.
“Having high expectations.
While it’s good to want your child to have high grades, expecting them to get straight A’s on every subject every time on a test the entire time they’re in school is outrageous and ridiculous.”
11. You can’t be sad!
““You’re to young to be depressed” “you have nothing to be sad about” “other kids have it worse count your blessings “ I’m sad too”
Dismissing your kids’ feeling literally all the time.”
12. Don’t raise a doormat.
“Not really a trick so much as a sentiment but “children should be seen, not heard”. Great way to raise a doormat, but not a kid.
Between this sentiment and being yelled at as a kid for having a stutter it’s no surprise that I can’t hold a conversation to save my life. I was literally trained to be as quiet as possible to avoid getting in trouble.”
What parenting tricks do you think can mess. up kids?
Talk to us in the comments.
We’d love to hear from you!