I haven’t tied the knot yet, but I spend enough time around my married friends and siblings to know the deal.
Some kind of switch flips in your head when you tie the knot and people change. I’m not saying that’s a good or a bad thing, but it’s true…AND YOU KNOW IT!
And one of the best parts of Twitter, in my humble opinion, is reading the observations and musings of married folks and how they really get to the heart of the things that drive them up the wall about their spouse.
I get to live vicariously through them! It’s a win-win situation!
Enjoy these tweets about married life!
1. That is not acceptable.
You guys had a good run. Time to throw in the towel.
My husband just found a recipe for cauliflower taco "meat" so we're gonna need a divorce lawyer.
— Anti-bodies Betty (@EzMacArt) November 2, 2020
2. Seriously…let’s get it over with.
I’m still waiting!
I haven't waited this long for a result since I asked my wife to marry me.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) November 5, 2020
3. What a stupid question.
You should know better by now…
wife: let's just run into Target really quick
me, 45 min later: you think we can grab some lunch soon
— The Dad (@thedad) November 8, 2020
4. A time to celebrate.
The season of the lint catcher.
The season to be pissed off at your spouse for leaving their Kleenex in their pants that’s now in the lint catcher is upon us.
— Your Favorite Gay Mom? (@lezzimomof2) November 8, 2020
5. The best occasion of all.
Don’t question her decisions.
Wife: I made a cake.
Me: What's the occasion?
Wife: I wanted cake.
The best occasion of all.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 28, 2020
6. The language of love.
You two are so lucky to have each other.
Not to brag but my wife and I can hold complete conversations by rage loading the dishwasher
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 9, 2020
7. Yes…that’s what I was doing.
Just keep living a lie.
husband: you’re so sweaty. did you work out?
me: [just ate half a block of cheese] yes
— Lil Bit ? (@LizerReal) November 2, 2020
8. You’re doing your part.
And don’t let him tell you differently!
My husband complained that I don't do any housework. Um, excuse me, it's not like the salt & pepper shakers fill themselves, mister.
— ?ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ? (@3sunzzz) October 31, 2020
9. This is how I party.
And you better get used to it.
WIFE: [watching me unwrap a 10th piece of candy] how many of those are you going to eat?
ME: it’s the weekend, this is how i party now
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 7, 2020
10. That will definitely ruin his day!
When I feel like my husband seems to relaxed, I’ll just start a sentence with “y’know, I’ve been thinking…”
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) October 27, 2020
11. You know how this will end up.
Why even bother anymore…?
The best way to make sure my husband doesn’t follow instructions is to give him instructions.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) November 5, 2020
12. That one is long gone.
I guess it’s time for another one…
Husband, “I’m going to the store, do you need anything?”
Me, “A bottle of champagne.”
Husband, “Oh, I got you one yesterday.”
Me, “I said what I said.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) November 5, 2020
13. Isn’t that interesting how that works?
It’s really fascinating when you pay attention!
My husband was surprised to learn that my daughter’s Wednesday swim lesson was being held on a Wednesday again.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 4, 2020
Are you married?
If so, how’s it been going during the pandemic lockdown? Are you driving each other nuts yet?
Tell us what’s been going on in the comments. We’d love to hear from you!