You know the old saying…happy wife, happy life.
Or maybe it’s happy husband, happy…I can’t think of anything that rhymes with husband…dang it!
Oh well…take a look at these funny tweets about being married and be prepared to laugh your face off!
Does that sound great?
Okay, you may proceed!
1. Some things never change…
I wonder if he ever found that ketchup…
[wife on deathbed]
Husband: I can’t find the ketchup.
— your other mom (@difficultpatty) September 13, 2021
2. Do you think he’s buying it?
Also, what’s your novel about? We want to know!
hubby wanted to know what i did while he exercises so instead of confessing i scroll my phone and eat snacks i said i was writing a novel so now i eat snacks and scroll my phone with my laptop open next to me
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 16, 2021
3. This will really put her in her place.
Either that or you just started World War III. Choose wisely.
Tip for husbands: next time your wife is roasting you about leaving laundry on the floor right beside the laundry basket, ask her about all the cotton balls and q-tips on the bathroom floor around the trash can
— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) September 13, 2021
4. That sounds like a plan!
What’s not to love, right?!?!
Let’s get married and have kids so we can be annoyed by little versions of ourselves for the rest of our lives.
— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) September 16, 2021
5. I think you know what that means.
You better get ready!
married sext: my headache is going away
— E.T (@leobunty) September 15, 2021
6. This was a very unfortunate situation.
We hope you’re feeling better now.
My husband thought he was going to crop dust the people behind us.
He didn’t know we were about to stop and look at something.
So yeah my whole family was just stuck in his stench in a well designed model room in IKEA.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) September 20, 2021
7. You’re right about this.
The number might even be higher.
48% of marriages end in IKEA.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 18, 2021
8. This guy has it all figured out.
Actually, you might not want to take this advice if you value your life.
If your AM phone alarm going off doesn’t upset your wife enough, make sure the PM one seals the deal
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) September 21, 2021
9. You had to lie about this one.
You would have broken his heart if you told him how you love pasta more than him.
*sitting on the beach watching the sunset*
Husband: What are you thinking about beautiful?
Me: *thinking about pasta* …Us
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) September 13, 2021
10. Things are getting ugly…
Keep it down! You don’t want to wake up those kids, do you?
Once you have kids, every argument you have with your spouse becomes “DID YOU HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL THE KIDS WERE ALSEEP TO DO THAT UNNECESSARILY LOUD THING?”
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) September 17, 2021
11. Hey, he’s just being honest.
But I have a feeling that he might be in trouble…
My husband just grabbed my hands and said “these are cold. I no longer have a use for you.”
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) September 20, 2021
12. You don’t want to be collateral damage in this situation.
Just keep your distance for a while…
Oh shit my wife just said “stay in your lane, girl” on a Zoom call so I’m just gonna go work in the bedroom for the next several hours
— Coach Rusty (@rusty_coach) September 23, 2021
Okay, now we want to hear from you…
What’s the most annoying thing that your spouse has done lately?
Tell us all about it in the comments! Thanks!
