Hi there, friends!
It’s time for another installment of “Funny and Accurate Tweets About Married Life”.
You know it. You love it. You’re here for it.
And we love that you love it so much! That’s a lot of love, by the way…
And that’s what we’re gathered here to do today. Laugh AND love! Do you think you’re in the mood for that?
Anyway, enjoy these funny tweets about being married, and let us know if you think these observations are accurate. You may proceed!
1. Isn’t this great?
It’s everything you dreamed it would be…
Marriage is finding the one person you dislike slightly less than anyone else and deciding to pay bills together
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) January 27, 2021
2. You gotta do what you gotta do.
We salute you, sir!
My marriage vows never said anything about removing a bevy of various sized pillows from the couch before laying down on it.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 3, 2021
3. This is gonna get ugly.
Good luck out there…
My husband and I just got two additional streaming services so now we can argue about even more shows that one of us doesn’t want to watch.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) January 29, 2021
4. Not the greatest answer in the world.
And no more dancing!
Responding to a question from your wife with interpretive dance tends to raise more questions than it answers.
— Aunt Chelle 😷 ☕️✊🏽 (@ravenswng_) February 6, 2021
5. You got that right.
This is a universal thing.
So far I've discovered marriage is mostly just the cold spouse trying to steal heat from the other.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) January 26, 2021
6. Can I go in there? Or not yet?
Maybe you should wait a while…
Marriage is just asking, “Is it safe to go in?” after one spouse spent a long time in the bathroom.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) February 4, 2021
7. This is hilarious.
And totally accurate!
I wish my wife would be more like Jeff Bezos and step away from Amazon
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) February 5, 2021
8. Hello! I’m over here.
I think you really just hurt his feelings.
Me: Somewhere out there my soulmate is watching this same murder documentary and eating a block of cheese in her sweatpants
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 5, 2021
9. What did you do now?
Oh no, not again!
My wife just asked me if we have any wall spackle and this is not good news.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 3, 2021
10. You did this!
Just nod and agree…nod and agree…
Get married so a normal phone call turns into a passive aggressive argument, because the cellular network is bad and somehow it’s your fault
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 27, 2021
11. Pretend if you have to.
Trust us on this one.
Unsolicited marriage advice for the day:
Even if your jobs are done, don’t stop cleaning until she does.
— Your Favorite Gay Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) January 27, 2021
12. A happy accident.
Well, that worked out!
I’d ordered my daughter and myself a couple Valentine’s Day candles from Bath & Body Works. My husband opened the box and thought one was for him. He lit it immediately and was so happy. It only took 26 years for me to figure out this perfect gift…completely on accident.
— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) February 5, 2021
13. He better stop that soon if he knows what’s good for him…
Prayers needed for my husband. He's whistling again.
— Felicia (@LostFelicia) January 30, 2021
Alright, friends, now we want to hear from you out there.
Is your partner driving you insane lately, or are you holding it together?
Talk to us in the comments and spill your guts!