Most of us have used Amazon in some capacity, and that’s because  Jeff Bezos knows exactly how to take our money.

But we can fight back against the always-grinning, cash-devouring capitalist cardboard monster known as Jeffy with some snappy, and delightful, personal reviews on the products we purchase from his behemoth of a website.

Let’s check out some of the best examples…

1. Morgan Freeman narrates…

“Ahhh, yes, the mighty man-wolves of Wall street. Fueled on designer drugs and delicious penny stocks. Very beautiful, very powerful.”

So like, where are the wolves? from amazonreviews

2. Math is hard, dude.

2(b) or not 2(b)=?

Graphing calculator from amazonreviews

3. Dammit, Janet.

I can still hear you in my soul.

The earplugs work from amazonreviews

4. That art degree, tho.

Currently cutting it as a sandwich artist. And blog writer. You want that toasted?

That cuts deep from amazonreviews

5. A barrel of fun.

Shove that in your Keystone pipeline.

55 Gallons of Lubricant from amazonreviews

6. Shoulda’ bought the Dutch oven.

But I’m fine with the bag of precooked beans.

It’s a trap! from amazonreviews

7. There’s a joke here.

I’m not the one to make it.

I love when reviewers post photos from amazonreviews

8. One-ply is just as bad.

Whoa, ah hot! Hot, hot, hot. Hothothothot.

Too much pain and agony from amazonreviews

9. The geese are dead, Karen.


On a review for down pillows….thanks for the clarification from amazonreviews

10. 10/10 would roll down this hill again.

Only in these pants–and only in every other color.

Ok, I’m sold! from amazonreviews

11. “When was the last time we played Nightcrawlers?”

Only with the good lube, Charlie.

“It’s lube, not much more to say” from amazonreviews

12. Hey, girl.

Nice leg…gings

"I should have picked a different color" from amazonreviews

13. I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready.

Catching some DoodleBob vibes here. Me hoy minoy, amma’ right?

Not sure if this has ever been posted, just found this sub from amazonreviews

14. Certified rotten.

As a friend and influencer.

Dammit Chapman from amazonreviews

15. Swing away.

I know a fairy that would pay for a swing or two with that for a handful of change.

Review on fake teeth from amazonreviews

Reviews are important because they give a company or service an accurate and firsthand account of their product or service, so don’t ever stop with the accurate accounts of such things. If you know what I mean.

Do you have a funny review story, tell us about it in the comments!