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There are just some universal truths about being married that all folks can relate to.
You’re gonna nitpick, you’re gonna argue, and you’re gonna drive each other crazy.
Now, hopefully this doesn’t happen ALL THE TIME, but it’s bound to happen sometimes. If it does happen constantly, well…maybe it’s time to get a marriage counselor on the phone (or on Zoom) so you can have a mediator help you get through the tough stuff.
Bottom line: marriage can be pretty rough and you need to work together to make it as good as it can be!
BUT, please don’t forget to stop tweeting hilarious stuff about being married in the meantime.
Enjoy…
1. Nobody wants that.
Let’s be honest, here…
Husband: I think we need to talk about…
Me: I don’t like where this is heading.
Husband: Where do you think it’s heading?
Me: A conversation.— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) July 20, 2020
2. The secret of my success.
I told you so!
The success of my marriage is measured by how many times a week I say, “I told you so” to my husband.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) July 29, 2020
3. I knew he was lying!
You showed him! In front of the surgeon…
Surgeon: I can't find the clot
Wife: *from gallery* oh BIG surprise
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) July 20, 2020
4. Annnnnd, take a bow.
There you go! Nice job!
If your husband tells you you're being too dramatic don't forget to bow when you thank him.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) June 13, 2020
5. AN AWFUL DAY.
Just don’t argue with him.
Wife: I need another beer.
Me: Another one?
Wife: Yeah. I’ve had an awful day.
Me: What? You were with me all day.
Wife:
Me:
Wife:
Me: You want it in a chilled glass or— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 20, 2020
6. Now, this is very HOT.
Keep the love going!
My wife and I are comparing bug bites if you want to know how to keep things fresh.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) July 28, 2020
7. Fruit sounds great!
You’re enjoying it, yes?
me: i'm gonna go get a cookie
wife: have some fruit instead
me: but i want a cookie
wife: fruit is better for you
me: okay, fine
wife: you'll thank me later
me: pic.twitter.com/Aub8gK7H5U— Uncle Duke (@UncleDuke1969) July 25, 2020
8. Time to get rid of him.
You’re doing the right thing.
So it turns out that my husband is allergic to my new cat. Sadly, I have to rehome him.
Anyone interested in a sneezing middle aged man?
— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) June 8, 2020
9. That’s a lot of grapes.
Do you think that was a wise decision?
Wife: You guys never eat the food before it goes bad!
Also my wife: *buys 40lbs of grapes because they’re on sale*
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) July 25, 2020
10. One big exception.
Don’t even think about doing that.
New marriage vows should include: I will laugh with you, and not at you. Unless you try to make a Tiktok video with the kids.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) July 16, 2020
11. What will today bring?
Just wait for the doorbell.
My wife likes to keep the mystery in our relationship.
For example, I never know what is going to arrive for her from Amazon today.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 4, 2020
12. The claws are coming out…
And it’s gonna get ugly!
Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to IKEA on a Saturday with an empty stomach, is not.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) March 3, 2020
13. There it is!
You knew it was coming.
Me: you’re mad at me?
Wife: no, not even sure why you would say that.
Me: I can tell by the sound of you putting the plates away.
Wife: fuck you and fuck those plates.
Me: there it is.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) February 26, 2020
14. I am so sorry about this.
Why does it have to be this complicated?
There is no way to place my wife’s coffee order at Starbucks without feeling like I need to apologize afterwards.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 22, 2020
15. You really hit the jackpot.
At least you have control of that…
My wife and I have an agreement: I get to hold the remote and she gets to make every other decision in our lives.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 14, 2020
Okay, now it’s your turn!
In the comments, tell us about the most annoying/infuriating/funny/ridiculous thing your partner has done lately.
We want all the dirt!
We can’t wait to hear from you!
