I have a theory that you can tell exactly how much money someone makes using only their bathroom as a test.
Specifically – how weird is their sink? Plebs like you and I have normal, god-fearing sinks. Probably white, or if we’re feeling very daring, black, with a concave indentation into the countertop, a spout, and two no-nonsense knobs.
But the sinks of the upper crust? Have you seen these things? Bowls protruding upwards obscenely. Spouts mimicking waterfalls in defiance of nature. Clamshells, stones, basens, irregular puddle patterns, the decadence knows no bounds. The weirder the sink, the richer the person. It works every time.
I’m not sure, however, how to decode these other bathroom innovations. Let’s look at each one and see what it says about the owner.
15. Emergency alarm
This says “I am cool and considerate.”
14. Dress codes
This says “I’m ready to head into the now.”
13. The mystery shelf
This says “surrender your coins if ye dare, and witness what horrors or bliss await you in the cabinet of secrets.”
12. The changing table
This says “yes, we dare to acknowledge that even MEN have children.”
11. Screen time
This says “we know our popcorn is intestinally problematic.”
10. Tie it up
This says “you gotta try harder, man.”
9. Sinking feeling
This says “we are not above public shaming to ensure hygiene.”
8. Free for thee
This says “sorry this took so long.”
7. Rainy day
This says “ya’ll really need to stop being wasteful and quit worrying about how clean the water is that you’re literally about to poop into.”
6. Combo time
This says “no thank you, please.”
This says “I was placed here by a quirky 20-something customer and not the restaurant.”
4. The overlap
This says “we respect basic competency in design.”
3. Before and after
This says “we know you love the taste of fish but everybody hates the smell.”
2. Foot for thought
This says “things very rarely get cleaned here.”
1. The switch
This says “hey please don’t abuse this power.”
I think we’ve all learned a lot here today.
What do you think the future of bathrooms is?
Tell us in the comments.