I’ve just uncovered a lot of shocking facts and statistics about marriage which frankly I’m not sure you’re ready for.
For instance, did you know that 100% of marriages end in an “s?”
But it doesn’t stop there. Check out these astonishing marriage facts, brought to us by Twitter.
15. You can’t burn everything
I know, I was as surprised as you were.
[stuck on a home improvement project]
Me: I have an idea.
Wife: No fire.
Me: I'm out of ideas.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 9, 2021
14. Keys are key
And the search for them will bring you together.
Me- *on my actual deathbed*
My husband- Have you seen my keys?
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) April 7, 2021
13. Advice is often contradictory
You gotta listen for the notes they’re not playing.
If your wife tells you to do whatever you want, the last thing you should do (and I can’t stress this enough) is whatever you want.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 28, 2020
12. Home safety is tantamount
You’ll want to make sure you’re performing routine checks.
Husband: I need to check the smoke detectors. Can you cook something?
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 5, 2021
11. Sofas can double as beds
Any ol’ one, really.
Every sofa is a sleeper sofa if you're married long enough.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 12, 2021
10. There is a junk system
And it must be followed exactly.
My husband thinks he can just add random items to my junk drawer and I’m like HELLO THERE IS AN APPROVAL PROCESS
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 31, 2021
9. Not sharing is caring
This is how we maintain the peace.
DATING: what’s mine is yours
MARRIAGE: please don’t watch your stuff under my netflix profile
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 6, 2021
8. You must share control
Of all kinds.
Wife: *extends a hand toward me*
Me: *holds it*
Wife: I wanted the remote.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2020
7. Communication is key
And maybe just don’t buy chips.
My husband hid the rest of the Doritos because I asked him to.
First of all, what the fuck.
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) March 21, 2021
6. Designated toilets
It really speaks for itself.
The secret to a long marriage in two words: designated toilets.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) March 23, 2021
5. There are dangerous games involved
And I’m not just talking about Monopoly.
my husband and I love to play “who can pile the most into the trash can without taking it out” and I can assure there are no winners here, just cursing, garbage covered losers
— That Mom Tho 🏳️🌈 (@mom_tho) March 4, 2021
4. You don’t have to see everything
And some things are cursed.
My husband has seen me sick with the flu. He has seen me puking drunk. He has seen me grunting and moaning in childbirth.
But if he tries to watch me while I’m hopping around during my workout I will gouge his eyes out with spoons.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) April 12, 2021
3. Vengeance takes many forms
And they are ugly as sin.
My husband pissed me off. I hope he enjoys looking for the remote that's hidden in my purse.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) October 10, 2020
2. Your pets start to resemble you
And maybe a little bit vice-versa.
My dog just yawned while my husband was talking to him and I totally get it.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) March 29, 2021
1. You’ll find your strength in unexpected places
Truly, what would I do without you?
Me: it’s been such a shitty year
Husband: it really has
Me: I’ve thought about this a lot and I know I wouldn’t have got through it without-
H: aw babe
Me: -Schitts Creek
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 4, 2021
If you’ve read all of that and you’re still ready to get married, just know that you’ll be walking in prepared now.
What are some other facts about relationships in your experience?
Tell us about it in the comments.