Every relationship has its ups and downs and marriages are no different. One of the best ways to get through the tough days is to laugh, and honestly, who doesn’t love a good laugh at their own predicament?
I mean, if you’re married you’ve got no one to blame but yourself, right?
So let’s dive into these 21 hilariously real tweets about life after ‘I do.’
20. I do not think these are the same character at all.
They are both green, however.
my husband was trying to talk about Shrek but he couldn’t remember Shrek’s name (Shrek) so he called him “summertime grinch”
— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) April 15, 2022
19. Be careful, now.
Wouldn’t want her to realize what you actually do all day.
Wife’s working from the same room, so I’m trying really hard to act busy and seem important on work calls
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 13, 2022
18. You’ve gotta save the food first.
You can probably both agree on that.
My husband offered to carry my umbrella, which I thought was very sweet, until I realized it was actually just to make sure his takeout food didn’t get wet in the rain.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 5, 2022
17. They can be so embarrassing.
Even in the best/worst of the dream worlds.
last night I dreamt my husband and I were having a series of threesomes and I was woke up and told him I was mad and he was like “why, was I paying more attention to the thirds” and I had to tell him it was because he kept offering the thirds a snack
— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) April 17, 2022
16. Just wait until you try to hop into the shower with her.
She has plans for you, my friend.
I wish I knew what my wife’s hands are made of. I picked up washing dishes where she left off and scalded the hell outta my hands.
— Dad Named Matt ?? (@mahnamematt) April 18, 2022
15. Gotta keep up with Herb.
Anything less just won’t do.
“I saw the neighbor cleaning out his gutters.”
~How I get my husband to clean out the gutters
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 8, 2022
14. Every single time.
They are not going in there.
Me: Babe, out of my purse can you bring me my…
*Husband brings entire purse*
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) April 11, 2022
13. You’ll get it sorted.
But you’d better apologize at the start just to be sure.
Sometimes being married means being in trouble for not responding to a text she never sent.
— Crac⚡ked (@a_simpl_man) April 5, 2022
12. This is the kind of person I want.
They’ll always keep you on your toes.
Not even mad anymore when straight people are like “oh my god my cousin’s dentist is gay, do you know them??” Because yes, I do.
We’re watching House Hunters and I was like “Aw this episode has lesbians” and my wife looked up at the TV and said “I went to Canada with her once.”
— Caitlin J. Stout (@CaitlinJStout) April 16, 2022
11. Who leaves the Cool Ranch Doritos?
You might be living with a monster.
Why is it that every time I’m craving chips all I can find from the variety pack is Fritos and Cool Ranch Doritos!?
My wife ?♀️??
— TitsforTat ?️? (@magicalchaos14) April 13, 2022
10. It’s not that we don’t care.
It’s just…we don’t care.
Every marriage has one person who reports whenever a celebrity dies and one person who says “oh.”
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 12, 2022
9. If this makes you snort…
You’re definitely the wife in this scenario.
My wife just screamed, “YOU’RE NOT EVEN LISTENING TO ME, ARE YOU?!” What a weird way to start a conversation.
— mariana Z?????? (@mariana057) April 6, 2022
8. Nobody said they were smart.
I sure hope he’s cute and helpful.
Y’all I just found my husband outside changing a lightbulb by standing on a folding chair on top of a folding table SOS
— PA-S(eeking Caffeine) (@PASeekingcafien) April 16, 2022
7. The second one doesn’t hit the way you wish it might.
I’m just letting you know right now.
Dating: I’m not wearing any panties, baby.
Married: I’m not wearing any panties because you forgot to do the laundry again.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) April 11, 2022
6. You see, Your Honor…
That’s why I’m filing for divorce.
Since I work from home my husband likes to randomly make Alexa blast Dolly Parton’s “I Will Always Love You” throughout the house. And that was fun to explain to a judge this week during my zoom hearing.
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) April 12, 2022
5. I bet your pardon, sir.
We have a very specific use for every pair!
So now my husband has started throwing away my underwear just because “it has holes in it you’ve had these for 20 years for the love of god do you have no standards”
— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) April 13, 2022
4. Such a thoughtful gift.
Thank you for bringing me more work!
my husband bought me flowers and I found a vase, cut the stems, arranged them, protected them from children, cleaned up the fallen leaves, threw them away when they died, and washed the vase
— Science Mom ? (@EmSlyce) April 19, 2022
3. Guys think they’re so funny.
It’s all fun and games until someone gets suffocated with a pillow.
My wife still brings up that one time in 2015 I complained of her loud noises disturbing my sleep while she was in labor
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 6, 2022
2. The patience, it wears thin.
But you don’t want to be rude.
i wish i loved anything as much as my husband loves asking me questions about movies he’s watching that i’ve never seen before
— ??E.?? (@YourMomsucksTho) April 14, 2022
1. It’s impossible to tell which of these is less likely to happen.
Neither is probably getting done, though.
My wife is away for the weekend and I’m going to party* so hard
*work on my sapphic Coyote Ugly book and actually fold the clean laundry
— lucy bexley ? (@bexley_lucy) April 8, 2022
Yup, pretty much par for the course as far as I’m concerned!
What’s the most unexpected part of being married as far as your experience? Let us know in the comments!