If you do it the right way, revenge can be SO satisfying.
For the record, I don’t think I’m a petty person, but sometimes it just feels SO DARN GOOD.
You know what I’m saying?
Of course, you do! You’re only human!
And even when it doesn’t involve you, you have to admit that you still love a good revenge story.
Well, hang on tight and enjoy the ride with these revenge tales from AskReddit users!
1. Serves him right.
I had a roommate in college who thought it was the greatest fun in the world to hack into our personal computers, even though none of us made any attempts to protect them from anyone else in the house. He would leave stupid messages on our desktops and change our backgrounds, and it just got annoying after a while.
One day I was bored and fed up and decided to return the favor. This was back when PC ISA cards all needed their IRQs set up by flipping jumpers on the cards.
One of the most common results of an IRQ conflict in a sound card was that the first sound you played after boot would fill only a small buffer (4096 bytes, more or less) and loop it forever until you rebooted, fiddled with the IRQ jumpers, and tried again.
My roommate had gone through this procedure several times that week trying to install a new video card without IRQ conflicts. So in revenge, I ‘hacked’ into his computer, and found his startup sound file. I took the first tiny snippet, looped it in a new file that lasted about 10 minutes, and copied it back to his computer.
When he booted his computer up, it sounded EXACTLY like he had an IRQ conflict on his sound card, and he spent the next 3 days tearing his PC to bits and putting it back together again to find the problem.
He finally fixed it by reinstalling Windows, and never suspected any foul play. Served him right.”
2. Now we’re even.
“The first time I ever got dr**k, my neighbor was having a keg party and told me to come over. A bunch of my older brother’s friends were there, and not really knowing anyone else, I was hanging out with them.
I asked the fateful question, “How do you know when you’re dr**k?” “When you can’t feel your face anymore.” SLAP!
5 years later, I was at a party with a bunch of the same people. I walked up to the man who slapped me, wound up, and slapped him as hard as I could across his stupid bearded face. The whole room went quiet, and I announced “5 years ago, ______’s party, you slapped me. Now we’re even.”
“Found out my then-wife was f*cking a lawyer/politician. She was 32, he was 50. Being a politician, his home phone number is public. I calmly called his wife and told her that her husband was banging my wife.
Needless to say, she took him to the cleaners. Best part was he was steaming mad at me and said “You had no right to call my wife”.
I said “I had every right, you scumbag politicians have public phone numbers”. Apparently he didn’t know that.”
4. You’re alive?
“I convinced my abusive ex-boyfriend that I was dead by telling him that I had bronchitis and pneumonia (true) and then blocking him on Facebook/not responding to his text messages, etc.
It was probably one of the best pranks I have ever played in my life. I saw him 2 years later at a Christmas party. The look on his face was amazing, because it isn’t like he could say anything.”
“Before I start, let me say I AM NOT a v**lent person, this being the only fight I’ve ever been in. For 5 years the bully of my grade passed around a rumour that I had had s*xual relations with my younger brother.
It followed me to 2 separate schools. It was very dark time in my life. Due to this I didn’t have a huge amount of friends, so I spent my spare time learning kendo, aikido, and lifting weights, not so typical 6th grader activities. 2 years later I ran into the guy at a monthly youth group event.
I threw him through a coffee table, kicked his ribs in and pissed on him. I was promptly removed from the youth group and never heard from the guy ever again.”
6. Nice work.
“Girlfriend cheated on me, so I hooked up with her younger, hotter, sl*ttier sister.
Much better s*x.
Then I told the GF.”
7. Held back.
“Junior year of high school. In my Civics class, there was a certain individual (we’ll call him Dave) that was one of those Too-cool-for-school *ss-holes. Now, for years this guy had picked on me, for being the class nerd. Needless to say, I hated his guts.
But back to Civics. He never paid attention in class, thus failing almost every test, not that he cared. Near the end of the year, it was brought to his attention that if he failed the class, he would be held back. He needed to pass the final. So he formulated a genius plan to copy off of my test, making sure he passed. He even had the balls to tell me what he was going to do. Bad move.
As soon as the test starts, I take my time filling in all the wrong answers, while Dave casually pulled the ol’ stretch-and-peek every five minutes. Once he finished his test and turned it in, I set to work erasing all my answers and replacing them with the correct ones.
I scored a 95 on the test, I believe he pulled a 32. Guess who got to repeat junior year?”
8. Power move.
“I caught my husband cheating on me, so in the course of a week, I found a place to live, hired movers, and planned for all of the utilities (gas, water, electricity, internet) to be transferred to the new house.
I made all the arrangements to occur on Friday, I scheduled for the movers to come after he left for work and they packed up the furniture (I did leave his clothing and absolute personal things) and moved it to my new place. So, he came home from work around six pm to an empty house with no utilities.
I don’t imagine he went to stay at his new girlfriend’s house since she was a college student living with her mom and dad. Also, it just happened to be April First.
Every April Fools Day I giggle just a little for the biggest fool I’ll ever know.”
9. You can wait.
“I used to work at a movie theater and this *sshole came up to the concession stand and was overall being a complete d*ck about everything he said. Just rude to me and snotty to the people he was with.
My theater was really a landing strip pretty much. One long hallway that had all of the theaters lined up, concessions stand in the front and one way in the back as well. I was in the back one.
So he paid for his food and I purposely short changed him and went “Oh, whoops! Forgot some of the change!” He annoyingly said he’d wait while a manager unlocked my drawer.
Little did he know that all of my managers were on break and wouldn’t be back for 15 minutes, along with walking down the crazy long hallway to get the money. The entire time, I chilled in the back room (in the guy’s eyesight of course) and munched on some popcorn.”
10. Felt good.
“When I was 11 I got a job as a paper runner for a junk paper advertising agency but I never got the chance to hand in the contract that they made me sign (which pretty much said I was getting paid 16 bucks a week for hours and hours of work including retrieving the junk mail, sorting them together, and delivering to hundreds of mail boxes.
Also if I was hit by a car the company wouldn’t take the blame).
I worked for this company for about a month, working my little *ss off delivering papers awesomely letter box by letter box, eagerly waiting my 72 bucks pay at the end of the month.
Until I realized I never got it, so I got my mom to call the company and ask them why they refuse to pay me. They say it’s because I never gave in the contract and said they refuse to pay fir what i have already done once i handed the contract in.
I was 11 and I was still doing hours and hours of work already so I got really pissed off and just stopped delivering the papers. For months. The place where they would leave the papers for me stacked up to about neck high in undelivered junk mail when they finally rang my mom to yell at her saying we’d have to pay a 2000 dollar fine because of the “damage”.
I got the phone off her because I and said “I didn’t sign any contract. I never worked for you.” and hung up. Felt good.”
11. Oh, boy.
“One summer I took an algebra 2 class. During a break me and a class mate played black jack for cash.
One day I was down about $20 bucks, and I paid up. The very next day we played again, but I won my money back and then some. My class mate wouldn’t pay up. I was pissed, so I was plotting revenge.
I would always have a pack of gum on me and that bastard would always ask for a piece. I went to the drug store after class and I purchased a pack of Clorettes and a pack of Feen-a-Mint gum(laxative gum), because the packaging looked the same. I have no idea why that company invented a laxative gum, but I thank the lord some crazy bastard did.
The next morning I walked into class snapping gum. Sure enough he took the bait. He asked me for some gum, and I gave him two pieces. He chewed that gum for about an hour. That *sshole also stole a fruit pie from another kid’s lunch bag right next to him while still chewing on that gum.
He spit out the gum, ripped open the fruit pie, and inhaled it. He leapt up from his seat like frogs in a dynamite pond and ran out of class never to return.”
12. What’s that smell?
“Since kinder-garden there was a kid that bullied me to no end. He would harass me, call me names, and toy with my weak emotions (I was a small sensitive child) So after 9 years of constant torture, we were put in the same math class in eighth grade.
Needless to say, I wasn’t happy with this. I was bullied on the bus, and in class, ’till one day I decided I’d had enough.
I decided to strategically purchase a second lunch, once every few days (I had to save up my spare quarters). After I bought them, I stored them in my locker, which I didn’t really use.
After two months, those lunches had morphed into the most putrid mush on the planet. I had stored them in plastic baggies as to prevent the smell from escaping my locker, but that sh*t STILL reeked.
At this point it was June, and the end of the year was coming, as was my revenge. My school has a large spiral-like stair case, where there is a balcony over looking the lower stairs. After my last math class of the year, we were released early to go to our buses.
I rushed to my locker and grabbed the garbage bag full of nausea and prepared myself.
Without a word, as I watched my bully go down the stairs, I dropped the bag off the balcony and immediately strutted off like I wasn’t doing anything. I heard a very loud “WHAT THE F*CK” and then ran to the bus via another stair way.
Watching him have to sit on the bus covered in rotten food all the way home (which was 20min away) was the best feeling ever. And I got off scott free too!”
“I made my old boss think I gave him herpes…..I worked in a crappy factory for awhile, and my boss was a di*k.
He was also untouchable due to his uncle owning the company. He would come down to the floor while we were at break to check our work and he would use my gloves to do it. Made us buy our own gloves, I bought really nice comfy ones.
Thought this was extremely nasty (it was the middle of summer) and asked him to stop, he just shrugged. After about 3 happenings I got an idea. I grabbed an old pair of gloves, a poison ivy leaf, and a hammer. Put the poison ivy in glove and pounded away. Kept the gloves in a bag in my lunchbox till I went to lunch.
Sure enough left the poison gloves out and he used them. I came back and sure enough he used them. Two hours later he came out to my machine, itching like crazy and red bumps all over his hands. Came right up to me, let me see your hands!
I showed him my hands, he showed me his. “You didn’t use my gloves did you, I got some terrible rash on my hands from some slut at the strip club last week!”
No words, no looks, he just left. He left work, went to the doctor, and I hope told that exact story.”
14. School days.
“In fourth grade, I was really into paper plane making. I even bought this book of all the world record holding paper planes and would read it every day.
I had just moved to America and wore very tacky clothing so I was made fun of a lot. So one day I copied the design of the paper plane that had the record for longest time in the air (13.2 seconds or something) and threw it around the playground. It was in the air for 14 seconds!
As I rushed to pick it up though, this *sshole 5th grader came out and stepped on it. Now I was a tiny brown Indian kid and he was a big hockey playing 5th grader but the anger took over me.
I punched him in the face, he bled and I ran away thinking I was in trouble. He never mentioned it to anyone though and was always nice to me throughout middle school and high school.”
“In eighth grade, the class b*tch spread a rumor saying that me and my best friend were lesbian for each other and that I’d contracted head lice from her pubes.
Coincidentally, the kids we babysat at the time had a bad case of lice. In a moment of ingenuity, me and my friend swiped a few off of their heads and put them in an envelope. The next morning in homeroom, we saw the little cunt asleep on her desk and dumped the lice on her head when no one was looking.
They made themselves at home and she had lice for a month. Four lovely weeks of giggling uncontrollably every time we saw her hopelessly scratching her infested head during class. Payback’s a b*tch.”
16. Dad was proud.
“My little sister and I used to hang out with a bunch of rowdy kids when we were 7 and 9.
An 11-yr old boy decided to throw a rock at my sister from across a major street and missed. She calmly picked up the rock and tossed it back and it glanced off his head.
My dad proceeded to try to give my sister a talking to about throwing rocks, but he was beaming with pride.”
17. You’re outta here.
“A kid who treated school like it was pointless, and caused tons of problems for everyone once tried to get me expelled by saying I was going to bring a gun to school, because he was just a d*ck.
I was called into the principal’s office, there were cops, and I sh*t you not, a power point presentation about gun safety in schools.
I asked what all this was about, and they said someone had said I was going to pull this sh*t off. I was admittedly scared, but I kept my cool, and explained how I’m one of a/v kids, I worked on after school projects, and was surprisingly not that bad, just told jokes a lot.
Now as it turns out, you can place tips anonymously, but this d*ck had opted not to, I had a class where he was always a d*ck to me, so the teacher was called, asked for their opinion, apparently he had heard a rumor someone called a fake threat in the hall before his current class.
Well with a little luck, and a teacher on my side, plus the other kid’s reputation was sh*tty, and his grades were too. And my grades were… Well less sh*tty, but my reputation was pretty good. So I got off the hook, I was relieved, but angry.
Given the situation, I played up the victim role, and congratulated people for behaving responsibly to a perceived threat, asked what would happen to the kid that put me through this hassle, and specifically asked if this was worth expulsion, I saw the principal smile, but he said he couldn’t tell me, school policy, but a week later he was expelled, and all I had to do was plant an idea. 🙂
I guess he had broken one too many rules.”
18. Sweet revenge.
“My roommate trashed my room in a fit of rage.
I convinced our entire school that he wrote a heartfelt letter to our school president asking for his hero, Scott Stapp of Creed, to be our graduation speaker.
I’m pretty sure I won.”
19. Dog eat dog.
“Because sixth graders are evil incarnate to other sixth graders, a bunch of kids in my class made an unofficial school government. Obviously it just fell into the top pricks and their prick friends being on the top and excluded and made fun of everyone else.
I somehow argued my way into a small “job” in the stupid thing just so they would stop making fun of me. We formed a “congress” and wrote “bills”. Suddenly they wouldn’t show me a bill and kicked me out. That bill was “beatlemaniacjng has man-bo*bs, is fat, and should be killed”.
They wouldn’t show that bill to me, threw them in garbage can buried them in papers. The rest of the day they made many more of these asinine bills and did the same. After 5th period I went threw all the garbage cans (gross I know) and found all of the insulting sh*t they wrote.
I said “hey I got your stupid bills”. At first they said “uhh… Ok”. Then I said “no. At the end of the day I’m bringing the to our principal”. The. Sh*t. Hit. The. Fan. Long story short I held it over their heads for the entire day. They lost it and this happened…
•all of them begged me to not turn them in. •they were conspiring all day to get the back •they were all freaking out • two Boys, very popular and athletic, CRIED during the whole thing. •finally one of them cracked, was almost in tears, told on herself and her friends. Nobody f*cked with me after that day…”
20. A big win!
“Once a friend couple looted an exquisite dessert I ordered at a restaurant dining with them. The cruel bastards just ate it in front of my eyes. I told them “you know, revenge is a dish best served cold”. They just laughed.
Roughly two years later, we were out drinking beers and they told me they were gonna watch Fight Club, highly anticipating the movie since they both had heard so many good things about it.
I f*cked them over and told them: “you know, (spoiler alert) Brad Pitt and Edward Norton are the same person”. They didn’t get it at first, but 30 minutes into the movie they called me and told me I was an *sshole.
21. A bad dr**k.
“One of my friends works in this big company and tends to bring in new people with him whenever we go out clubbing. One night, he brings in this one guy who I will call K.
While we were eating and pre-gaming at this restaurant, K seemed alright at first despite hearing from my friend that he gets absolutely nuts when he’s dr**k. Absolutely nuts was definitely an understatement.
After numerous sake bombs, K is smashed and when we were walking towards our next destination, he starts pretending he can parkour, cartwheeling, trying to run on walls. He almost tried to jump from the fourth floor of a parking garage.
Of course, it doesn’t end there. We rented out a hotel room/suite for that night, and for the rest of it, K acted like a drama queen. By this point, it was clear to everyone else that he was an annoying, little sh*t.
All through the night, K kept shuffling on his place on the bigger couch, whining, moving about, and turning off the lights to the bathroom (I wanted to keep it on so my other friend, who was sick, could see her way to the bathroom, just in case she needed to throw up.) because he couldn’t sleep with it on. I was stuck sleeping on one of the single couch seats so I had a real hard time trying to sleep. I was getting crankier dealing with this guy.
Fast forward to a few months later, it’s my friend’s birthday and we go clubbing again. He was sorta picky on who to invite because he didn’t want certain characters in there, but he still invited a sh*t ton of people.
Of course, K gets a whiff of the party from someone else at their work and comes into the club already dr**k. He bumps into people, spilling their drinks, and grinds up on girls that don’t want anything to do with him.
I’m just standing there with my other friends, telling them about K, until I come up with an idea of telling the bouncer about dealing with this guy. I go up to one of the bouncers, tell them that this dude in the middle of the dance floor is bumping into people, spilling drinks everywhere, and causing a ruckus.
I may have embellished some stuff, but it worked. The bouncer makes his way towards K, taps him on the shoulder, and K almost starts a fight with the bouncer. Bad move.
The bouncer grabs K and starts pulling him out. K goes limp on the floor, forcing the bouncer to pretty much to pull him by the legs, down the stairs (we were on the second floor), and out the club.
It was f*cking amazing to see that moment. One of my friends tipped the bouncer heavily for helping us out because otherwise, K would have ruined someone elses’ night.”
“This happened to me when 3 months after I graduated from high school.
So, there’s this two girls that always been bullying me since junior high. They would spread fake stories around, made me quit from being one of school’s club leader, and basically just being The Plastics spreading hate so people won’t hang out with me. But I never do anything about them because of many reasons.
Anyway, these two girls LOVES everything related to Japan and both of them always been dreaming of moving to Japan so they could eat thousands of Pocky and married to their dream Japanese man. But these two are too lazy to do something with their dreams.
On the other hand, I too, was fascinated with Japan as a whole country and been dreaming of studying there so I worked my *ss off so maybe I could get the chance to win a scholarship.
And I did. Right in front of one of the girls. I was visiting my classmate’s house with her and other friends to do something, and then while we got bored and decided to order something to eat, my dad called to tell me that the Japanese government have been trying to call me but apparently they can’t contact my number, so I have to call them back. And after I called, I found out that I won the 3 years scholarship program to Japan.
The look on her face was unforgettable. I could taste the sweetness of revenge I almost got diabetes.”
“I just found out that my ex-girlfriend was only in a relationship with me because she wanted someone to go to prom with… I really liked her so I dropped $240 on the night – tickets for us both, a tux, a nice corsage, and of course some alcohol.
Well after I found out that she had just used me to go, a mutual friend of ours showed me a conversation they’d been having. Something along the lines of how many guys she’s hooking up with, how they are super hot, chiseled abs, whatever.
I was pissed because she never once hooked up with me, and she wasn’t even in a relationship with any of them.
A couple months after all of this, that same friend showed me a text from my ex saying “F*CK. I HAVE GONORRHEA”.
Posted it on FB and tagged her in it. Boom.”
24. The bouncer.
“I was a bouncer at a club in college. We went through an epidemic of girls getting roof’d because they would A. Leave a drink somewhere, B. Take drinks from strangers, C. Leave it with the ‘friendzoned party dude’ who took things a little personally.
To me, none of those reasons matter. That’s jacked up and very very seriously angered me.
Well, I found him. It took some detective work (aka bouncer not wearing a security shirt so as not to be noticed) and found that bastard using a powder in a girls drink while she was gone. We also just happened to have this quaint little back alley through a back door.
I spent about 15 minutes befriending this man, (or do*chebag if you prefer) and told him if he really wanted to party I had some blow in my car out back. I let him lead the way out.
And promptly face slammed his head into a wall and knocked him out in the alley. Made sure his ‘pill bottle’ was easy to find, and left him there (cops patrol the alley fairly regularly.)
I went back inside, made sure that the drink had been dumped (called it in on radio before I started talking to hi), put on my actual security clothes and went back to work.
Revenge not for me, but for all the girls that should know better, but don’t.”
25. Bad neighbor.
“Back when I was in middle school there was this boy that lived across the street from me. Our parents were really good friends so this led to us babysitting him and vice versa a lot.
Whenever he would be at my house he would be a little d*ck and break something then run to tell my parents that I broke it and naturally my parents believed him. He did a lot more of things to get me in trouble, but this is what he did most frequently.
One day when they were babysitting me I got the idea of taking some of these little lawn gnomes similar to these but less expensive that I found at a flea market and putting them in his closet, under his bed, in the shower, etc… wherever I he would frequently go.
Then the next time I saw him he would tell me how he kept finding them everywhere and when he would give them to his parents they would just say he was doing it for attention. Each time he found one I would find a new hiding spot for it.
Then one night when I was sleeping over because my parents were going to be out really late and wanted me to go sleep earlier, I had a plan. Since I had already been torturing him for about six months with the gnomes I gathered many from my adventures around the local flea market.
Once he fell asleep I quietly entered his room and put all the gnomes I had around him there were dozens of them in his bed all lined around him and by his face. The next morning I am woken by the loudest and most blood curdling scream I ever heard.
I run in there to see what happened as a result of the gnomes and he is sitting in the fetal position wrapped in his blankets repeating “No more gnomes. No more gnomes.” When his parents got in there they finally believed all he said about the gnomes, while I sat there trying to hold back my laughter.
Fast Forward to when we were in high school. Since I stopped hiding the gnomes a few years back I was wondering if he was still frightened by them so I grabbed a few of them and headed into school.
During our first class of the today I excused myself and opened up his locker (very easy to break into all you had to do was jiggle it a little bit) and on the shelf that was at eye level and placed them in a line on the shelf.
Then after first block I am walking to my next class and I see him bolting from his locker to the nearest bathroom and he was sobbing for the next half hour until a teacher could convince him to come out and talk about it. He didn’t come to school for the rest of the week.
Looking back on it I may have gone a little too far, but he tortured me for years before and after I started with the gnomes.”
How about you?
What’s your best story of epic revenge?
Tell us all about it in the comments!