Some people like to say that there’s no such thing as a bad breakup.
The circumstances of the breakup itself might be horrible, sure, but the end result can’t be bad, because it means that a bad thing is now over.
You may find that reasoning a little over-simplistic, but it can certainly help people who are grappling with situations like these:
People whose long term relationship faded, what was the final straw that made you realise it was time to call it a day?
byu/disturbanceofmirrors inAskReddit
And how DO we finally know it needs to be over? Reddit has stories.
1. In sickness and in health.
Honestly it was the Pandemic. It really forced us to actually spend time together and I realized we kind of just didn’t do much together at all.
I had spent years thinking it was cool that we kept our own friends and space but once those distractions were taken away it was just really clear to me that we were more roommates than a couple.
– Badloss
2. Better as friends.
I was with someone for a few years but it took a while to occur to us that we really didn’t fancy each other at all and were happy to be just friends and house-mates.
So happy to be just friends that when I bought a flat and moved out, he came with me but to live in separate rooms and have our own lives, while sharing custody of our cats. It worked fine, as there was no romantic or s**ual aspect to any of it. Even when we finally went our separate ways, it just happened naturally and calmly.
He’s a lovely, lovely bloke and now happily married with two kids. And to prove how horribly amicable it all was, I was his best (wo)man at his wedding!
– RosebudWhip
3. Focus in.
The relationship was toxic from the beginning, but we had a kid and leaving would be a big sacrifice.
So I told her that we’re going to take 10 months to really focus on improving our relationship. And if we can’t agree after that time that even one thing has gotten better between us, I’m leaving.
I really worked hard during that time to do relationship work with her, but every time I brought it up, she said all our problems were my fault so there was nothing for her to do. We were in the exact same place at the end of the 10 months, and I started working on my exit plan.
– ct_2004
4. Public shaming.
My now ex-husband did some contract work for the facility I work at. My coworker from a different department complimented on how busy I was, and how the hospital was lucky to have me because I did great work.
He said to this person, “well I don’t know how busy she is cause she’s always bugging me. You guys know how it is.”
It crushed me. And made me realize how little he thought of me.
– georgettesinclair
5. Debt and suspicion.
When after going deep in debt, her excuse for not getting a job was that I might cheat on her.
When? Before my first job 75 miles away, or the second I could barely make it to on time after a full day plus driving for the first job?
When she asked where we were moving to, after not being able to pay rent, I simply said I’ve got a place, you are on your own.
– giraffesneedhelmets
6. A significant delay.
We hardly saw each other anymore.
Final straw was: I had surgery and he visited me a few days afterwards.
He brought me a little microwaveable pizza and ate half of it.
We were together for almost 5 years. Lmao
– frankylovee
7. The sudden realization.
A co worker was talking about a great time he had with his partner and I realized I hadn’t felt like that in years with my partner.
I went home after work and ended.
We both agreed it was for the best.
– Hot_KarlMarx
8. The reddest possible flag.
For awhile, I felt like I was losing my identity to my very controlling boyfriend.
One day, he started hurting a puppy I bought because he didn’t like it. A few weeks later, he choke-slammed me into the couch for leaving a binder under the tv stand. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. He panicked and tried to take the door knob off. I called his phone so he left to go answer it and I ran out, took his tools, and locked the master bedroom door.
I heard him panicking and calling his mom. He told her that he was afraid I would think it was domestic a**se and report him. She told him that I was just immature and not a submissive enough girlfriend. I realized then that I had been ignoring too many red flags and moved out as soon as our lease expired.
– wandering_sponge
9. Really there for me.
I knew it was over, but a day after my grandfather had passed away and she couldn’t even give me a call to see how I’m doing cause she was at a Halloween party just soured the whole relationship in my mind.
I was worried she was in trouble when she ghosted me for the night, good times.
– Ohnwhelphair
10. You just don’t care.
When I came home from work at 10pm expecting to do homework all night and there wasn’t one single clean pot or dish for me to make myself dinner.
I had just gone back to college after years of putting it off because we couldn’t afford it. I was taking 5 classes and working full-time at a retail job. I was getting very little sleep every night because I just didn’t have time with my classes. My ex worked a regular 9-5pm job with a 15 minute commute and dishes were one of his only two chores (the other was taking out the trash).
When I asked him why he didn’t do dishes, he told me “I didn’t have as much time as I thought he did” and describe how he spent two hours then three hours watching tv. I finally realized I didn’t have a partner and I might as well be alone so I didn’t have to clean up two peoples’ messes alone for the rest of my life.
– lonlon4life
11. The compulsive liar.
It was when I noticed that my gf at the time, lied constantly and for no reason.
The final straw is where she made up a situation about a guy are her job trying to hook up with her. I confronted the dude, and he had no idea what I was talking about.
Then my GF acts like she doesn’t know what was going on. At that point I was like, “Is this the person I really want to spend the rest of my life with?”
Dropped her at the spot, and ignored all her calls from that moment on.
– The_eyes_are_blind
12. Happier when you’re gone.
Simply put she started becoming something I dread to see. It got to a point where I rather stay at work, something I’m not excited to do, rather than go home.
When she would go visit family or take a long trip, I’d have the time of my life while she was away and it would come to an end when she got back.
I wouldn’t do anything extraordinary the times she was gone just lived life as I normally would. Was my first sign something wasn’t right.
She was having a negative impact on my health all around. That’s when I knew I wasn’t the man for her and she wasn’t the woman for me.
– weeeeeaa
13. 13th time’s the charm.
When she “broke up” with me for the 12th time.
We had a long distance relationship and whenever we had an issue or a disagreement, instead of engaging in a conversation with me about it, she would say we were done and shut me out for two or three days before coming back, and manipulating me into groveling for her forgiveness. The last time, I just said no to going back and stuck to it.
She freaked out and tried to drive 6 hours to my place at 2:00 a.m… I got a call from her mom saying she had left in the middle of the night as a head’s up and, upon finally getting ahold of her when she was just a couple hours away, I was able to convince her to turn back.
That relationship f**ked me up for a while but, once I began dating my now fiancee, it was unbelievable to me how wonderful a real, loving relationship with healthy communication can be.
– epgenius
14. The bird watcher.
I am a bird watcher (lame, I know) and we were on this trip and I wanted to do this birdwatching tour (it was like a two-hour thing) and he kept putting it off and then eventually I just went alone.
It was by far the best part of my trip. I was really hurt that he didn’t have a few hours to do something I wanted to do, even though I trekked across several beaches to find the “right” surf spot for him.
It was just one of those things were like, he was s**tty, but not indefensible so, and I realized I could do better and be happier. And I am!
– sorrygirl818
15. Calling long distance.
Together for 5 years and long distance for 2 of them. I realized one day it felt like just going through the motions when she answered the Skype call. I could see it in her eyes too.
We got to a point where we spent more time muted on call so we could do other things like she was more interested in reading and I was more interested in hoping on chat on game with friends.
We would sit in silence with our webcams on and barely look at each other. The flame just went out. I eventually just had to sit down and really re-evaluate some stuff. It was a really hard conversation and absolutely broke my heart to tell her, we cried together and had the best conversation we had in over a year.
– notimprezaed
16. The height of materialism.
Her brother was living with us and this was right when WiFi was becoming available to the general public. We couldn’t afford it cuz we were broke a** kids, so her brother would take my GF’s MacBook (it was a gift) and sit on a nearby bus bench and leech off someone’s unsecured WiFi.
Well one day we get a call from her sister and she says we need to get home immediately. Turns out some guys came up and asked him for change for a $20 and when he told them he didn’t have it they tried to snatch the Mac and jump in their car.
He knew it wasn’t his so he held onto it and tried to get it back but they were too much. He had gotten dragged by the car, kicked in the head, and then had his leg run over. He was in pretty bad shape.
As we turn the corner (didn’t know what had happened yet) GF sees cop cars and an ambulance and says “This better not have anything to do with my Mac. We walk in and he’s visibly in bad shape and she is just immediately “Did you lose my Mac?” I’ll never forget his face. He was so ashamed and felt terrible and just started crying. She however started screaming my computer! My computer! And hitting him. To the point where the cops considered arresting her. It was an instant eye opener.
– Queef_Stroganoff44
17. The breakup rehearsal.
I got to a point where everyday I was alone I’d be rehearsing ways to say “I want to break up” and couldn’t bring myself to do it when he got home. At some point I realized that wasn’t normal and for his sake I should just end it before it goes too far. That was a 4 year relationship
For those wondering, I asked him to meet me in the school parking lot, and I simply said “this is really hard for me to say but it’s the truth, I’m not in love with you anymore and I want to break up”. As the words were starting to leave my mouth, my only thought was “just say the words, don’t do awkward filler s**t you normally do, just say what you need to say and get it over with” best self advice ever lol
– Haiku_lass
18. It’s just a drift, sometimes.
My first relationship happened when I was still in university.
I moved in with him a few months before we both graduated.
We started working right after graduation but our jobs had a total different schedule. Mine was during the day, his was in the evening (and often in the weekend).
We rarely spend time together and I guess we drifted apart.
Then I got the opportunity to go to work in another country and he told me to go for it.
We still message each other a few times a year but that’s it.
– Haruki88
19. The drinking problems.
I went into the relationship knowing that she liked to drink and she went into the relationship knowing that I didn’t drink any longer. But we really liked each other and wanted to make it work.
But when she would drink she would get angry at me for not drinking, like I was judging her or lording it over her. Which looking back after years away may have been true. Maybe I was and just didn’t realize it.
But she would get d**nk and blackout, I would clean her up and tuck her in and then go home.
Near the end, when this would happen I would call the next day to check up on her and the first thing she’d say was, are you calling to break up with me?
And the answer was always no of course not, until the day I just had to say yeah I think maybe so.
– Santamente
20. Help me help you.
I knew it was over when I cared more about his well being than he cared about his own well being.
I would have moved mountains for him if it made his life easier and he just continuously put himself in s**tty situations. I eventually just gave up.
I can’t be with someone who doesn’t care about themselves. Thank God that’s over.
– Past-Razzmatazz-2336
21. Not about that life.
I was in a long distance relationship and I had this sinking feeling in my stomach whenever the thought of moving came up. Then one day I had a job interview in the city he lived in, which also happened to be a city I had a lot of friends in.
After the job interview I hung out with my friends and had a blast, but the sinking feeling didn’t go away. I eventually realized I wasn’t afraid of moving to the city he lived in, I was afraid of living with him.
He was the kind of guy who was into an ambitious woman in theory, but also wanted her to do all of the cooking, cleaning, etc… I realized that eventually I would become his housewife, because he wanted kids and definitely wasn’t going to help much. That was not the future I wanted for myself.
– corinini
22. You quit first.
After 17+ years and she no longer wanted to put in the effort and would rather spend her time on social media talking with everyone but me and ignoring our obvious issues.
So after i finally had enough and took her phone out of her hands and forced a face to face, sit down chat of airing the issues.
In the end it was worth it and never realized how much of a prisoner i felt like in my own home until i had my own life again.
Lesson learned: If you ever feel like your partner has checked out mentally, they likely have and don’t put up with the bulls**t for the next couple years just because you have a long history together. I promise you, it will only keep you miserable
– 3xecutor
23. The pointless fights.
Over time every comment made in their presence sparked an argument.
One day I pointed out a simple deck of cards that I thought were pretty cool and related to an activity we shared and they launched into a tirade about how I was being manipulative and trying to control them.
I knew it was over that day but still desperately tried to hang on for several more months as it only grew worse.
– Therearenogoodnames9
24. “I’ll buy you a car.”
My fiancé and I had discussed having kids and (I thought) were in agreement that we wanted one or two. One day we were having dinner out when she announced she didn’t really want kids after all.
Naturally, I was a bit taken aback and asked if she was sure. She said ‘Well, I’ll tell you what. If we get married and after five years I still don’t want a kid, I’ll buy you a car.”
I have severely limited eyesight. I don’t drive.
That relationship did not last much longer.
– Shto_Delat
25. The unappreciated.
I’m still with my husband but I can feel myself getting more and more frustrated with the relationship.
I want more than he can offer me, and I don’t mean that I only want him for what he can provide me. I bring in 70% of our income, I pay 80% of bills and mortgage, I do most of the house work, lawn care, house maintenance. Everything really.
I wouldn’t mind doing all of that If I felt valued and appreciated. I get one full day to be with him and he opted to have a DnD session from 2-10pm. I constantly hear him say he wants to spend more time with me and he’ll call into work, spend maybe 45 minutes with me then go play games or do something else.
I address issues and he’ll change the behavior for a couple days and then go back to it.
I didn’t marry him to have a part time spouse.
He’s a very sweet person, and that’s what I love about him but I just don’t feel that peace I used to feel in my soul when in the same room as him
– Ok-Survey-5573
26. Addiction.
Drugs. Eight years.
It wasn’t always drugs. For the first six years it was everything I had wanted. Then meth came along and destroyed us both respectively. Found out she was starting to become a bag w**re, sleeping with people for drugs.
In retrospect, being sober now for a few years, I look back and realize there really wasn’t much substance to us. We were just kind of there, in a sh**ty town barely doing enough to get by. Now I’ve moved and realize all the joys I missed out on
– theycallmeick
27. Just stuck.
She was happy where her life was and I wanted more. She lived in her parents garage, had a job she h**ed, and a family that didn’t appreciate her. She planned to have IVF and raise that child in her parents garage while working a job she h**e with a family that didn’t appreciate her.
I wanted a nice house, a nice job, a nice life away from people that don’t support the things that make me/us happy. To travel and try new things, to not be stuck to the same 30miles for the next 50 years.
Me wanting more in life and her never wanting to change split us up. I was gonna marry that girl, now I just feel bad for her.
– polorat12
28. Going through the motions.
We’d go out, get dinner, come watch some bulls**t on TV and play on our phones. Started to not be able to have a conversation without forcing it. I h**ed hanging out with her friends, and she was pressuring me to move in with her which made me realize I had to make a decision and figure out if it was what I really wanted.
This all happened in November so it’s been a lonely pandemic, but I think I made the right choice
– iiTryhard
29. Sucked in by the Big Apple.
I saved up money for a while to take us on a trip to New York City. She was very into fashion, and was obsessed with NYC. We took our trip, had a great time, came back and 1 week later she broke up with me.
Apparently the trip made her realize that she wanted to move there, and she knew that I didn’t want to live in a big city. I was really hurt at the time, but it retrospect it was really the best thing she could have done for both of us.
– aspbergerinparadise
30. Keep the change.
He picked up the change from my backseat and kept it.
The change was on the floor where I always put my purse. He didn’t drive. He hadn’t worked in the 2 years while he got his MBA, or the 13 months after.
It was clearly my money.
He got upset when I asked for it back. Not angry – upset and confused like a child. That was it for me.
– MissPlaceDApostrophe
No such thing as a bad breakup? It might be true after all.
Do you have a story like this?
Tell us in the comments.
