Do you think there’s anything more nerve-wracking than a first date?
Well, yes, there is…
How about a first date with someone you’re really super into already?
But never fear, the people or Reddit are here to dispense their advice on the situation.
1. Plan ahead.
Make a plan for after the date.
Grocery shopping to prepare for tomorrow’s meals, or stopping by the auto store for something for the car.
No matter how the date goes, you’re back in your life doing the things you do.
Always have your plan for tomorrow.
2. Dating is like cake.
Picture going to a bakery. You see a fabulous looking cake. The icing is perfect and it smells amazing. You get it home cut a huge piece and take a big bite. Rather than the luscious cake you were expecting and excited for you get a flavorless, gritty mess with greasy icing that coats the top of your mouth and you can’t rub it off.
Attraction is like that. You are lured in by the look of the cake. Dating is cautiously dipping the tiniest point of the fork in that cake before you decide if it’s worth having. Unless you like what is under the surface it’s not for you. Dating is nothing to stress over, you are just gathering information.
3. Simple rules.
Stretching and deep breathing can calm nerves. Also make sure you feel good about yourself. Good hygiene, shower before, floss (I can always tell when someone doesn’t floss) and brush teeth, mouthwash. If you use cologne, go very light with it. Know that you deserve a nice girl, be proud and confident of who you are.
If you enjoyed the date text her an hour or so after you get home letting her know you had a nice time. If you hadn’t already set up a 2nd date, wait a couple days to let the first one sink in then ask.
4. Don’t get in your own way.
Gonna be honest with you, this only happened to me with the first girl I’d ever asked out since she was the one. I asked her out in my mid-20s and she agreed.
She was really excited, but I simply couldn’t get my nerves in check. I was not being myself, I was overthinking everything, I just kept asking questions, I wasn’t able to form an emotional connection whatsoever because I didn’t know how, etc.
The first date didn’t go well, but I could tell she was so disappointed that she wanted to give me a second shot, so we went on a second date and I completely fell apart. I was a mess of nerves. She was visibly super upset which only made it worse for me. She dumped me after.
I can honestly say that that rejection and failure changed my life for the better. It gave me a drive and motivation to never get caught up like that again.
I’ve dated hundreds of girls since and every time, I’m a hero. Of course, there are plenty you just won’t click with and that’s fine. So, even if you fail and let the nerves get to you, I can guarantee that you will look back on this moment and be thankful for the learning experience that it served to be.
5. Be genuine.
Just remember it’s supposed to be fun!
Be yourself and let your personality flow, if you guys connect, that’s great, and it will be with the real you.
If you don’t, sure it will sting, but at-least you’ll have more experience and know what you’re looking for!
6. Don’t put too much pressure on it.
A little bit of nervousness is normal, and a lot of people find it endearing. But you don’t want it to get in the way of having a good time with the other person.
You feel excessively nervous when you put too much importance on a date or a person. Think of it more like just going out and seeing if you guys might be a good fit together. You might be, or you might not. That’s okay.
There’s a lot of women out there, so you have lots of chances to find the right person for you. When you accept that and take that attitude in dating, you’ll find that first dates become a lot easier and more natural. You can much more easily be yourself when you don’t have so much riding on the date’s outcome.
7. Don’t let the nerves snowball.
Be it a date or a job interview, it helps me a lot to remind myself that I’m “auditioning” the other person too. Sometimes we get so caught up in worrying about what someone else thinks of us that we don’t even bother figuring out what we think of them. That reminder helps to level the playing field.
That and you’ve got to allow yourself to seem nervous. It’s very easy to get caught in that loop where you feel nervous, worry that it’s obvious you’re nervous, get more nervous. You can really work yourself up that way. Being nervous for a date says “I really like you and I hope this goes well”…like oh wouldn’t it be so shocking and horrible to find out the person that asked you on a date likes you.
She’s said yes to a date and shown up for it, she likes you too, she’s probably nervous herself and she’s not gonna be put off by your nervousness-most likely she’ll find it sweet & kinda flattering. The nerves will pass a lot quicker if you don’t resist them.
Sometimes I just like to admit to people right off the bat that I’m nervous, maybe make a little joke about it or something. That really dissipates the tension it’s like “you were gonna find me out eventually, so I’m beating you to the chase” but also it’s a pretty b**lsy move so once you’ve done that you get a rush of confidence and whatever you were nervous about seems a lot easier because you just did something a lot harder than carrying on a conversation with someone or talking about your slides or whatever.
8. Shower off.
Take a nice shower. Think about all the positive things in my life and get ready to sell it.
I’m married 13 years. Yes, I still get nervous before a good date. My wife is amazing!
9. Pay attention.
Hey dude don’t be nervous as she is nervous too.
The more comfortable and confident you feel in yourself the less awkward it’ll be during the date.
Pay attention and have a convo up and ready to keep the mood and the light going. She said yes to you so that’s something ?.
10. Maybe work out.
In all honesty, my pre-date routine (pre-covid, and when I had time) was run to the gym, do some bench, pull downs, curls, and lat raises. High weight, low reps. In and out in 15 minutes, shower, then date.
Gave me a pump in all the right places, but most importantly I noticed that it gave me really good posture the rest of the day and I didn’t slouch like I normally do.
11. Remember there’s no losing here.
It’s ok for you not to be compatible, and why would you want to date someone you’re not compatible with.
That’s when you move on and find the right person. Same with jobs and interviews really.
If they don’t pick me, it’s because I wasn’t compatible with the job for some reason that only they know – and I don’t want to do a job I don’t fit in.
12. It either is or it ain’t.
If a lady likes you, there’s practically nothing you can do to make her not like you. (in terms of being silly/embarrassing yourself/whatever)
If she doesn’t, there’s practically nothing you can do to make her like you.
So just be yourself.
13. You’re already liked.
Hello I am a girl I say just remember that the girl is on a date with you for a reason.
She wouldn’t say yes to a date with a guy she knows has absolutely no chance with her.
Be confident. Also relax. Talk to her. Be polite. You’ll do great honey!!!
14. Remember she’s nervous too.
Remember that she may be nervous too and you’re both just people (: nerves can be endearing sometimes.
Coming off too aloof can make it seem like you don’t care. Think about having a good time!
15. Stop thinking.
I know it’s difficult, but stop thinking about it.
Imagine you’re meeting some friends. I just had to talk my roommate down off the ledge after his first date in a few years.
Don’t view it as a date. You’re just meeting a new friend to hang out.
Don’t try to make everything perfect, and don’t expect that it will be perfect.
You probably won’t fall in love, or even have s** tonight.
Don’t let your mind go there. It will only serve to make you more nervous by putting too much pressure on yourself and your date.
If something goes sideways, handle it exactly how you would if you were with your oldest friend.
16. Remember she’s probably nervous too.
I was just talking about this with a friend. She was going on a first date and was so nervous she was thinking of cancelling last minute.
I was asking her, “Do you think guys are as nervous as girls on first dates?” For some reason, we never think that the other person is just as nervous as we are.
17. It’s a win/win situation.
Just trust that if she’s not into you then you probably dodged a bullet anyway.
Good relationships are about compatibility, not a one sided crush.
If you’re compatible, it’ll work out fine.
18. Be interested, not interesting.
Your job isn’t to be interesting to her, but to be interested in her. Her job is the reverse.
If both of you show a genuine interest in each other – in the person, not merely the appearance – then you’ll avoid much of the posturing and self-aggrandisement that may otherwise make you feel they don’t like you but merely who you presented as.
When you shift your focus from trying to impress, to trying to be impressed, there’s a lot less stress.
19. Timing is everything.
I try to ask people out before I crush out too hard, honestly. I try to reach that “really like” stage when the interest is already established as mutual.
If I am really excited for a date, I try to remind myself that I don’t know them very well and things aren’t likely to go as great as I imagine they could go. Often, I need to manage my expectations before I can actually see where something could go.
20. Follow this strange checklist.
Jump up and down, take a c**p and have a pee, blow your nose and check for boogers.
Make sure you smell good and are clean. Brush your teeth, clean your glasses, make sure your hair is neat.
Then watch hilarious cat memes while you wait so you already have a happy smile and have been laughing, so you’ll be more at ease already.
21. In the end, it doesn’t even matter.
Could’ve used this myself yesterday.
I have nothing to say about the nerves beforehand, but I have to say that in the end it doesn’t matter.
As soon as you see her, everything just goes away.
I know it sounds cliché, but I was really nervous and as soon as I saw her and said “Hello” all my nerves went away and we had a fun time.
22. Remember they’re just humans.
Just remember: She got up with bad breath and frizzy hair, just like you did. She probably had to take a massive s**t before going to work, just like you did. I get this mental picture of that hot person heading to the bathroom in the morning looking and feeling like h**l, holding their hand to their mouth, sniffing, and going, “Ewww,” before hitting a bottle of mouthwash. Then, sitting down on the toilet to do the same thing we all do–complete with horrific fart sounds that sound like a broken trumpet. She’s cradling her head in her hands thinking, “I feel horrible. Satan is trying to claw his way out of my a**.”
When you visualize that hot person acting exactly like everyone else does in very basic situations –because believe me, they do– it makes them less intimidating.
– [deleted user]
23. Find inspiration in this story.
Lol, i was a dumb 21 year old about to take out a successful, ridiculously s**y, 30 year old nurse.
Try those nerves on. ??
I did what i could. Next time i saw her she gave me some s**y eyes…
After the date (consisting of watching a season of family guy with her) i knew i had to kiss her to not end up getting friend-zoned like what had always happened to me.
No idea where it came from, but i said-
“would it be totally Inappropriate if i wanted to kiss you right now?”
She let out the biggest smile. I went in for it.
Closed my eyes. Literally saw fireworks. Kiss must’ve been good, the next time i saw her she gave me a key to her place. ??
Married the h**l out of her. We’ve been together for like 15 years. She’s still perfect and insanely hot.
24. Assume attraction.
First and foremost, assume attraction. You are on a date after all.
Get a good night of sleep, eat well that day, and give yourself plenty of time to get ready. Taking care of yourself will help you relax
25. Maybe this very pragmatic approach?
Make a list, long or short, of things that are important to you for a first date.
See how she measures up and remember that she is probably nervous too. The role of being the somewhat critical, but kind, reviewer will help to take your mind off of your discomfort.
On subsequent dates, expand the list to more and more important topics like religion, parenthood, education, but not too serious too fast.
26. Remember the duality.
Mentally: Remind yourself that she said yes because she already is interested in you and wants to see where it goes.
In a way it’s just like going in for a job interview in the sense that you were asked to go because they already think you’re a viable candidate. Aside from that, it isn’t and should feel like a job interview.
Physically: Take a good hot shower or have yourself a soak. Then again that’s pretty much how I process all my nerves/stress/anxiety lol.
27. Become fascinated.
No matter what, it’s a connection to a new person with new ideas, perspectives, interests, and knowledge on completely different things than you. Get excited about all of the knowledge you can soak up from someone new.
It doesn’t matter if they are a CEO of a company or the janitor, they will have ideas and opinions that will challenge your ideas and basis of existence. I’m more introverted than extroverted so I lean into this concept hard when preparing for a date and love to ask questions that make my date think and respond from their base mentality and personality.
28. Don’t try to impress.
The game changer for me was realising that trying to “impress her” was a completely messed up mindset.
The whole point of dating is to find someone you naturally fit with and would work well with – presumably with the hope of finding someone you can spend your life with.
Instead of worry about making a good impression, think about whether SHE is a good fit for YOU
29. Remember to breathe.
Deep breaths or box breathing. Basically inhaling for 5 holding your breath for 3-5 seconds and then exhaling for 8.
I do this a lot when I’m really nervous for a doctors appointment or something and it really does work!
30. Or you could just give up.
You don’t. You blather on awkwardly for a solid 20 minutes and pray she thinks your awkwardness is adorable instead of a barrel of crimson flags.
Then you get ghosted and eat ice cream alone in the dark.
Maybe don’t pay as much attention to that last one.
What’s your biggest piece of dating advice?
Tell us in the comments.