If you’re gonna take the plunge and get married, sometimes you have to be brutally honest.
Yes, it hurts sometimes, but that’s part of the deal, right?
Let’s all enjoy these hilarious/painful tweets about married life.
1. That’s what you get.
Now all of your toast will be awful… until you notice the settings.
My husband annoyed me last night so I adjusted the toaster settings slightly this morning.
— Just J (@junejuly12) March 4, 2020
2. It’s a surprise!
What’s not a surprise? Her credit card bill.
My wife likes to keep the mystery in our relationship.
For example, I never know what is going to arrive for her from Amazon today.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 4, 2020
3. The real test.
What to get at the food court? Hmmm…
Marrying someone is easy. Staying married after going to IKEA on a Saturday with an empty stomach, is not.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) March 3, 2020
4. I knew it!
You’re usually so calm with those plates!
Me: you’re mad at me?
Wife: no, not even sure why you would say that.
Me: I can tell by the sound of you putting the plates away.
Wife: fuck you and fuck those plates.
Me: there it is.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) February 26, 2020
5. You can’t stay off that phone!
But, yanno… this time it’s for a good cause, so…
Me: *calling 911*
Husband: Well, Well, Well. Look who’s on her phone again.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 9, 2020
6. Never heard of it.
And, btw, this is sooooooo true.
Wife: What movie do you want to watch tonight?
Me: Whatever will keep you awake past the opening credits.
Wife: That movie doesn't exist.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 23, 2020
7. I am so sorry about this…
… but I’m about to make your day awful.
There is no way to place my wife’s coffee order at Starbucks without feeling like I need to apologize afterwards.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 22, 2020
8. We all know the truth.
It’s not your world, guys. It’s hers.
I ask my husband what show he wants to watch even though I’m going to choose because it’s important for him to feel like his opinion matters even though it really doesn’t.
— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker 🎄 (@sixfootcandy) February 25, 2020
9. That would be HOT.
I’d watch it! lol
Why isn’t porn more realistic? Like why isn’t there one with a husband and wife and the wife chokes violently on her spit and the husband gets alarmed they spend a good 5 mins with her coughing and him smacking her on the back and then the mood is gone so they go get donuts?
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) March 8, 2020
10. You blew it!
But hey… now we’ve got a new one, so who actually blew it?
Traveling with your husband is fun because no matter where you go you’ll still end up in a Wal-Mart buying the one thing he was entrusted to pack.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 16, 2020
11. Passive aggressive AF!
This is such a pro hubby move, though!
I know it sounds mean but when I’m mad at my wife and want to lash out, I blow out her scented candles when she’s not looking.
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) February 28, 2020
12. Isn’t that weird?
Who would have thunk it?
My husband washed my favorite sweatshirt (he’s so sweet) and I said please don’t put it in the dryer, it will shrink.
Husband, taking clothes out of the dryer an hour later, “Here’s your favorite sweatshirt I washed for you! It looks smaller though, weird.”
— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 24, 2020
13. See ya later!
Say hi to Nancy and Frank for me!
My wife told me that to revive the spark in our marriage I should start treating her like I did when we first started dating so last night I took her to a movie and dropped her off at her parents house
— Super Mark (@supermarkusa) February 19, 2020
14. A fair trade-off.
At least you control how the evenings go… or do you?!?
My wife and I have an agreement: I get to hold the remote and she gets to make every other decision in our lives.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 14, 2020
15. It’s all the…rage.
Or maybe it’s just rage? Either way works.
Rage vacuuming is like regular vacuuming except you’re married.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 11, 2020
Brutal. Funny. Honest. There you have it.
Have you seen any hilarious and brutally honest marriage tweets, jokes, or memes lately? Hell, maybe you even have one of your own!
Share them with us in the comments, please!