Trending Now
Ohhhh, fatherhood. I’m told it’s delightful and full of twists and turns at every moment.
And…I’m also told it can make you exhausted, cranky, irritable, and pushed to your breaking point…but in a good way.
Dads, do these funny tweets look familiar?
1. What happened?
I don’t know what kind of life I envisioned myself having at this age, but watching a half-naked toddler lick the frosting off a Pop-Tart while sitting on my chest at 5:45 in the morning was almost definitely not a part of it.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 23, 2019
2. You’re doing it all wrong!
Having a 3yr old around is a bit like having the director's commentary turned on for the movie that is your life.
Except the director thinks you're a shitty actor and likes pointing that out.#parenting #dadlife
— Dadding Around (@DaddingAround) May 13, 2019
3. Oh, boy…
Accidentally asked a conference room full of coworkers if they had to go potty before the meeting and my membership to the Parent Club auto-renewed itself.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 18, 2019
4. No more questions.
My 4yo asked why she couldn't see the moon. I explained the moon's placement in the sky and Earth rotation. Midway through my impromptu lecture, I heard her softly singing the finger family song. I stopped talking, she kept singing. I never answered her questions again.
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) November 12, 2018
5. Annoying to the extreme.
I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.
— Parentalgrit (@ParentalGrit) October 29, 2018
6. Of course there isn’t!
Just overheard my 6-year-old son ask Alexa, "Alexa, is there anyone my dad could beat up?"
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 30, 2019
7. Blowing your whole budget on TP.
One thing the parenting books didn’t prepare me for is having to bring home a 200-pack of toilet paper every 48 hours
— The Dad (@thedad) May 2, 2019
8. No more Netflix and chill.
3-year-old: *holds the remote for 2.5 seconds*
Me: *spends hours trying to get Netflix to not be in French*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 17, 2019
9. Smart kid.
https://twitter.com/djgoor/status/1054182311611121664?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1054182311611121664&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fpleated-jeans.com%2F2020%2F01%2F02%2Fthe-harsh-but-funny-realities-of-fatherhood-15-tweets%2F%3Futm_content%3Dbuffer726bb%26utm_medium%3Dfacebook%26utm_source%3Dpleatedjeans%26utm_campaign%3Dooo
10. Gonna be a great day.
Me: I wonder what delights the world of parenting will offer me today?
My 6yo kid: [rubbing toothpaste over his hands as if it’s hand cream]— Phil (@geowizzacist) March 19, 2019
11. That was a big moment.
I became a father the day my daughter was born but I didn’t become a dad until the first time she rolled her eyes at me.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 16, 2019
12. Now I understand…
Wife: Honey why do you always wear that one old tee shirt around the house? The neck is all stretched out.
10 month old: *grabs my tee shirt neck, hauls herself up, starts slapping my face and giggling*
Wife: …yes yes I see
— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) January 7, 2019
13. At his breaking point.
This dad I saw at the park yesterday is every parent's spirit animal. 😂 pic.twitter.com/MB5NTWYUT2
— Dadding Around (@DaddingAround) July 24, 2019
14. A lot to look forward to.
Congratulations on your child saying their first words.
Before you know it, you'll be treated to such gems as, "I had to poop but I pushed it back in my butt so I don't have to go anymore."
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 14, 2019
15. Quite a difference.
Toddlers indoors:
Bounce off walls with relentless, destructive force.
Toddlers at playground:
Sit motionless on the swings screaming “HIGHER!!!” until both your arms, and will to live, are broken.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) June 10, 2019
Keep up the good work out there, dads!
And, do us a favor: share some funny stories about raising your little ones in the comments.
We’d love to hear from you!
